So I was right all along.
I can't believe that it's all wrong.
Like a sad and unfinished song.
So I was right all along.
Do you really truly care?
How can I know if you'll be there?
I feel you softly kiss my hair.
But do you really truly care?
But can I call this true love?
I saw you fall from up above.
The beauty of a white dove,
But should I call this true love?
You fill my dreams late at night,
At your touch my heart takes flight.
You fill my darkest days with light.
I dream of you every night.
Will we be apart some day?
I can only beg you to stay.
But maybe it's better that way.
We will be apart some day.
So I was right all along.
I can't believe that it's all wrong.
And now I've finished my sad song.
So I was right all along.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Alright, I like the idea but I do have a few suggestions for you
. Other than that I LOVE this stanza.
.
So I was right all along.
I can't believe that it's all wrong.
Like a sad and unfinished song.
So I was right all along. The last line is a complete copy cat, and at first I thought this was the point, but then I read the next stanza and the last line wasn't EXACTLY the same, so maybe try and put "and I was right all along" or "I found I was right all along" or something like that, pick what flows right in your mind, but try and make it less repetitive
Do you really truly care?
How can I know if you'll be there?
I feel you softly kiss my hair.
But do you really truly care?
But can I call this true love?
I saw you fall from up above.
The beauty of a white dove,
But should I call this true love? This stanza's rhyme scheme is off a little bit, especially in the first and third lines. Too few words I think? Try and add something maybe?
You fill my dreams late at night,
At your touch my heart takes flight.
You fill my darkest days with light.
I dream of you ever night. Whoopsies, slip of the finger, I think you meant "every."
Will we be apart some day?
I can only beg you to stay.
But maybe it's better that way.
We will be apart some day.
So I was right all along.
I can't believe that it's all wrong.
And now I've finished my sad song.
So I was right all along. Again a little to repetitive, but maybe that was the point and I don't know what I'm talking about, lol, either way good job and I love the poem
Okay, the rhymes here seemed forced, like you were spitting them through your teeth. When I read a poem, I want the words and the rymes to flow. And I don't think that you need to say the same thing in the first and fourth lines. That didn't make sense to me. But I liked the idea, so good job.