It went like this. It was October twentieth, my birthday, and to start off the day right I grabbed my favorite book, an old tattered copy of The Great Gatsby my father gave me when I was just eleven. I headed out to my favorite coffee shop to grab a steaming cup of black coffee. Everybody always gave me crap about it, but it was a different taste only a few were accustomed to, and I liked being part of that few. I pulled up and parked I glanced into the cliche glass panel they have in front of the shop where people can plop their laptops down and sit for hours working on whatever imaginable. I walked in and heard the bell go off. Eight thirty every morning. With my book in my right hand, and my worn out brown leather wallet in my left I walked up to the counter and ordered one medium black coffee from Stacey. Stacey was a nice just-turned-ninteen girl, who worked her ass off for school, and still had the time to get up at four in the morning to serve a bunch of twelve year olds mocha cappuccinos. She was the usual brown eyed brown haired girl, but with her bangs hanging down into her eyes, and her unique attitude, she was more then that. Don't get me wrong, she was a nice girl and I liked her a lot, but not in that way. We also had bit of a age gap, of that clears anything else up.
"Hey Stacey, just the usual." She smiles at me from across the counter and pours me a cup. When she takes my cash she leans in and nods over to the table by the glass panel.
"She's cute. Maybe you should go and talk to her. She ordered a black coffee too. You guys have something in common." She winks at me and smiles as she proceeds to get my change. I glance over at the table casually, as if looking out the window. There were only two people sitting there, and one was a man. I narrowed my eyes at the woman sitting in the stool farthest away from the door. I couldn't see much, just a red blouse, with brown curly hair tumbling down her back. It looked as if the top was pulled back, as she snaked her hand through her hair for a minute, before returning to typing on her laptop. There was a cup of coffee sitting next to her, with a pink smudge of lipstick on the lid, but otherwise it looked untouched. Her black flats lay on the floor, and her bare feet are resting on the bottom part of the stool. There was something about her that was so enchanting but yet I had not even met her, yet seen her face.
I grab my coffee from the counter and shook the feeling from me. I thanked Stacey and walked out the door without glancing at the girl. I jumped into my car and started it without even thinking. As I drove off I remembered a quote from The Great Gatsby. It read "Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away. I wasn't actually in love, but I felt sort of a tender curiosity." Halfway home I realized I forgot my book at the shop.
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm...on first glance, this is certainly an interesting prologue, its got a lot of fun details scattered throughout this, and it looks like these could be some pretty fun characters to follow...but hmm..I did have a couple of issues here and there with this one.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....well this is starting a bit like someone that's responding to a question from a police investigator or something...judging by the way its just "it went like this", wouldn't be the most ideal of starts there to be honest
But otherwise, its a pretty standard little morning routine almost I suppose, the fact that it appears to be this person's birthday, and they're talking about something does however managed to be interesting enough to get a reader's attention as something potentially happening in this one.
Also black coffee is pretty tasty...xD...but yes it does tend to be considered an acquired taste that one.
Hmm..more than the introduction earlier for Stacey, I think this line here tells us all of that and just seems to be a lot better way of introducing here, this way you know this person knows her and knows her relatively well, and really that's all the introduction you need in a prologue. The earlier chunkier one, I feel like the whole liking thing is a bit of an unnecessary tangent and if you have a line like this, its honestly just a pretty decent option to just cut that whole part out except perhaps just the description which is still relatively useful to have.
Okay...well that was a pretty cool description and the comment by Stacey there is a wonderful touch to see how friendly these two are, and its a lovely touch to her personality but hmm...this person just going right ahead and deciding she's very enchanting and...observing her so closely like their Sherlock Holmes is a little bit creepy, not going to lie...I feel like maybe having this person notice a few more general details, then go up and talk and notice the specific things later would be a better option of how to put this description in here.
Ooooh....well...this a fun way to end the prologue, although honestly this one feels like more like it could be a first chapter, considering how many characters are introduced in a pretty good amount of detail. It just doesn't seem to be something that's doing the job of a prologue, but it would make for a really interesting first chapter.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this sounds like it could be a pretty interesting book, once its been ironed out a couple places, this would make for a pretty cool first chapter too...as far as prologues go, I feel this is not the sort of thing you would see in one of those, just as I see it anyway.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
I don't think this is the best way to start a story. Firstly because it's a bit abrupt and secondly because you want your first sentence to be interesting. I just don't think it's the best start to a story. If you took it out, it wouldn't really make any difference to the story. I hope I'm not sounding harsh.Nit-picks
If you're going to use words like "crap" then you should rate your story with L for bad language.
Grammar and Punctuation
Okay so there weren't any major problems, just a few mistakes here and there. A quick read through should point out all the problems. You had a few places that needed a comma or a full stop.
Overall thoughts
Chapter plot: Okay so this was a fairly simple start to a story and didn't really present much of a hook for the reader. In the first chapter of a book you really want to catch the readers attention and hold it there. Then you want to end the chapter and leave the reader wanting more. Sadly with your, while it was written pretty well, it wasn't captivating. It could also be that this isn't my type of story though. Anyway just keep it in mind.
Characters: So far there's only two characters the main character and Stacey. I just wanted to point out that you didn't say whether the main character is male or female. I'm presuming male. I also didn't get to know his name. Anyway you did give a good window into his world and one of his little quirks. I loved how you almost turned his book into humor. He seems to be a little obsessed with it.
Description: Your description was also pretty good. I could see everything that was going one fairly well and your description of the girls was pretty good. I did think that you could have use the other four senses a bit more though; sound, smell, touch and smell. When I enter a coffee shop, I tend to be bombarded with sounds and smells. I'd try to put that into the story so to make it feel more real for the reader.
Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this. I especially loved the Character's attitude, his "meh" Personality with a bit of bite to it. Honestly after reading this I want to sit down with a cup of coffee myself.
Hello!
Definitely a good start that you have going here. I think all the imagery you include in your writing is fantastic. I could easily picture this entire coffee shop in my head write down to the lipstick on the cup.
A few times I thought that you could maybe break up some of the larger paragraphs. When you transition from talking about black coffee to arriving at the coffee shop for example. Occasionally your writing got a bit too conversational for my taste, as if you telling me a story face to face. Unless that was your intention, in which case good job!
Overall I think its a solid starting piece. I liked how you ended it on a bit of a cliff hanger. I look forward to reading the next one.