november teases the truth
out of gridlocked teeth
and maybe next year
I'll learn
to set things free
but this year --
was for wiping blood
from my speckled eyes
for losing
for watching from my window
the eye of heaven
bidding adieu
while I wonder
why we wrap our hands
I'll ask for it again next year
and I won't hear the baying crowd
like scorsese and his raging bull
shadowboxing alone in my room
no bell, no bell.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
This has a story behind it, its basically saying that your either fighting with yourself or a significant other, theres always going to be fights from beginning to end, but it will eventually all be worth the pain, blood, sweat and tears, its never a cloudy day when someone is there to willingly be by your side no matter how many fights there are, you may be lovesick in the worst possible scenarios, you stay but you know its dangerous, loyalty can kill a person slowly but that means karma is gonna come and bite back.
hello hello!
i've been wanting to review this for a while, so i will
really interesting opening stanza. i like how you personify november; it's not the first month i think of in a poetic setting. the image of "teasing the truth" is also a good one. it doesn't strike a very powerful image to my head, but it works with the gritty boxing imagery. it reminds me of someone grimacing or frowning, which is fitting.
this is a good image, but i think there's too much going on. there's blood, but something is also speckled. i can't really see what's going on there.
i love that stanza though; i think it was the most solid one here. it's more emotionally available than the others. i especially love the "for watching from my window the eye of heaven" part because it introduces some narrative behind the narrator's actions. people lean towards career paths that suit their interests; boxing is like that.
this is really good right here, but it's different than the other lines.
this is the only actual film reference throughout the poem; i don't think it works with the rest of the content. it's not a bad image in any way, but it feels very out of place. is the poem about boxing, or is it all a subtle nod to raging bull? this could definitely be expanded on though, and i think it could make for a more powerful metaphor.
i love the punctuation here. i think the rest of the poem feeling like one long train of thought complements the theme. the narrator is just talking to themself, and that's fine. i don't have major things to say besides that, but this is a neat ending. it works for the imagery. i'm not a boxing fan, but i assume it has something to do with that.
i can't wait to see what else you have written!
best,
spatula
Hi there Solstice! Lim here with a review.
First Impressions
This poem surprised me! From the title, I thought it might be about a group of people and maybe something going on in society, since it said “we”. The boxing metaphor gives the poem a gritty and tough atmosphere. I definitely found this piece to be very unique, and I think I could re-read quite a number of times.
My interpretation was that the speaker or the “I” in the poem is admitting to themself that they had a bad year, which is presented with the metaphor of losing a boxing match. A quick Wikipedia search makes me think that the Raging Bull reference in the third stanza is about how the speaker will carry on anyway, and there’s an implication of maybe obsession or doggedness there. The third stanza especially has this sense of isolation, which is interesting since as I said I noticed the “we” in the title.
Imagery
A strength of this poem is that it commits to that boxing analogy and makes each image feel natural where it is in the piece. For example, “gridlocked teeth” both reminds me of a boxer’s expression and also suggests that the speaker was unwilling to admit something until November ‘teased’ it out of them. I also like how concrete and physical the descriptions are, for example, “speckled” like when you get spots in your vision from over-exertion, and the “baying” crowd when so many voices merge together it feels a little animalistic.
I do wonder why the sun is called “the eye of heaven” here (if I’m correct in thinking that phrase is supposed to mean the sun, that is xD). The image of the sun setting does bring to mind a year ending and another beginning, though.
Rhythm and Sound
If there’s something to improve rhythm-wise, I might suggest this line:
Though it’s not necessary that line breaks mean a pause, I did find this line break a bit abrupt. Is there a reason why “eye of heaven” needs to be on a different line than “bidding adieu”? I think when I read, I kind of expect that the doer of an action (the eye of heaven) will be on the same line as the action (bidding adieu), so this way feels a bit less flowy for me than otherwise.
It might also be neat to play with sound devices like alliteration a bit! For example, I noticed you had some alliteration here in “watching from my window” since both ‘watching’ and ‘window’ begin with a [w] sound. This one’s more of a suggestion than a critique, but I always find that poems about sports or using sports as a metaphor benefit from sound devices like these. Yusef Komunyakaa’s Slam, Dunk, & Hook for instance uses a lot of repeated sounds and alliteration. The “Fast breaks. Lay ups.” In the first line of that poem actually seems like a fast-paced excited version of your “No bell, no bell.” Which to contrast sounds more mournful or perhaps ominous, but still with that frantic sports-like energy.
Formatting
I really liked the stanza structure in this one! I like that the “this year” stanza stretches on a little longer, making me linger on what the year felt like for the speaker, before moving back towards the speaker’s envisioning of the next year. Having the “no bell, no bell.” line be a stanza of its own also makes it stand out, and I think it makes the end of the poem more impactful/ memorable.
Overall
The poem conveys this feeling of loneliness or maybe being trodden down in a unique way. Because it’s not just that one layer of emotion, but there’s also an intense and determined energy, which really makes me think of competitive sports or at least what we see of it from the screen! I think it gives a nice connection between those mixed emotions and the feeling of a year coming to an end, which a lot of us can relate to at the moment.
Hope this helps and let me know if you’d like more feedback!
-Lim
Thank you so so much, Lim! I'll def take all of this into consideration if I were ever to revise this piece! =D
The narrator is fighting for change. Blood runs down their face. A quick wipe and they’re back in. Back in the fight. Ready to fight for what is right. It will be hard, but worth it in the end. They won’t win all the time, but that is alright. There is always time to make a change. I enjoyed this poem. I like that the narrator is so determined and confident.
I wish you an amazing day/night.
Great interpretation! Thanks for the review!