Published January 13, 2010
[Authors note~ Ello loves! Loveless here, or you can call me Love, Summer, Sum, or Skittles. I own many nicknames. 
Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this. I wrote it in French class. Tell me if it's good enough to continue. I would adore your support. Enjoy.]
Prologue~~
It's time. The choice I make now will determine everything. My life, my friends, all things that are important to me. This choice could make it great or break it all. Can't turn around now and walk out of the doors, the ones that lead me to this place. Couldn't say 'I change my mind,' or some other idiotic comment like that. No. Even though there were flocks of ravenous butterflies invading my stomach, I wouldn't back down.
The small, slightly claustrophobic, room was dark, with the exception of five dim candles. Each one of the candles a different color and a different house. Each holding a different fate.
"State your sin, pledge," the conjoined force of the five voices rang through my ears, which resulted in a small humming silence after wards. It was my turn to speak, my cue to follow orders and "state my sin".
I practiced my answer over and over in my mirror. Practiced so much, in fact, I had the words embedded into my eternal memory, or so I thought. I must have been mistaken, because, now, I couldn't utter that simple phrase. The four words I'd studied wouldn't come to me now. No matter how hard I mentally yelled at my mouth to open and say something, anything, no sound would come from my thin lips. Someone cleared their throat impatiently and I quickly rose prom my previous kneeling state.
"I kill for fun." Everything was frighteningly silent, I could hear my heart pounding against my rib cage in a dull thudding sound. It pulsed through the enclosed room like something straight out of an Edgar Allen Poe poem. I just hoped they couldn't hear it too.
The white candle fizzled out along with a purple one. Argintas and Matrika were effaced. Only the black, red, and orange candle remain. Desmondes, Valemont, and Wavera, one of these was to become of me. The wait felt as if it lasted hours, though I'm sure it only lasted about six minutes. Eventually, the orange candle blew out, and then, after some more time, so did the red.
"Welcome to Desmondes," a single females voice sang," We accept you into our coven." That was the start of it all.
- - -
This is short, sorry. I am currently in the process of writing more. I hope you liked, it would mean a lot to me if you commented. 
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,273 Literary Works • 673,078 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well despite the chapter title, I wasn't expecting a start that is quite this literal. We've certainly got a rather powerful start right here as far as first chapters are concerned. I think there's just enough happening here with just enough explanation that this isn't confusing but manages to be quite mysterious and make us ask a hundred different questions on just what this situation might entail here.
That certainly will catch most people off guard there. Wow, even though it was made rather clear this whole thing was about the idea of sin, that particular declaration is certainly on an entirely different level of intense there. If nothing else, it makes it quite clear that we've got ourselves a very intriguing situation in our hands and now we don't even know if this character is even meant to be the protagonist here.
Hmm well that throws things into a bit of a whirl there. Now there opens up even more questions on whether this whole thing is some sort of elaborate ploy is is this all simply the truth and just well, I think you've done quite well here to ignite a significant amount of questions here. Well, I'd say on the whole this has been a pretty engaging start here, I think you've done a really neat job of it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I read your posts -thank you for posting- and actually I'd like to change this from Prologue to part one of Chapter one. I'm sorry for the confusion. You will get a sense of how he looks in my later post, and more of the plot. I'm hoping to get the second part posted tomorrow. Thank you~
XOXOXOXOXO
Summer -Skittles- Night
Heya there Skittles!
This is an good start to your story. It was very interesting and you've got me intrigued.
Your character's thoughts are well thought out and we get a clear sense of emotion from him/her. But the problem lies on the outside. I suppose physical appearance doesn't really matter too much in the prologue, but I'd like to know if the MC was a male or female! I don't believe you stated that. And, contradicting what I said above, you could shed some light to what your character looks like.
The plot thickens! Killing for fun? Sadistic xD It sounds dreadfully interesting and I wonder what kind of coven your character has just been accepted into and what all these little covens are about. They will be explained, right?
Also, I'm curious to know why your character made the decision to go these covens. That part seems a little fuzzy so perhaps you could clarify?
Looking good so far! Keep it up
Meadow
Ok, first a few things I would like to say. First, yay to another 14 year old writer who is good, and second I am taking latin, but I never get a break in that class.
The character is not really described very much physically, but I did feel a strong connection to the emotions of the character. My favorite thing about this is that it had so many well written descriptive sentences that flowed properly. As to plot I think I understand what happened. I am assuming that by uttering the words "I kill for fun" she is chosen by someone from a certain coven out of five different covens? Overall a very nice and smooth read, I will definitely read the first chapter when you release it. Apart from a low amount of physical character description it was very well written, but I did feel that it was a bit short. Maybe next time write it about twice as long as this prologue. Also if you continue directly from this point it wont really be a prologue anymore.
Hopefully I helped,
DayDreams