Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
(AN: Hello! This is my first fan fiction, so I'm sorry if it's boring! . Anywhores, ( I say that instead of anyway) I hope you guys enjoy this PewdieCry fan fiction. They are my fav youtubers 3 Anywhores, enjoy! ^-^)
PewdieCry- Will you be there?
*Cry's POV*
As I sat in my room, I Ryan, also known as Cry, was editing a video. I said, "I will not be making videos for a couple of weeks because I will be heading to Italy for vacation"
I smiled and uploaded the video. I was heading to Italy the next day, I was utterly excited! I quickly got up and went to my drawer. 'What do I need? I need underwear, shirts, and pants!' I laughed at my own thoughts. I packed all my clothes, and other necessary items, such as deodorant and things like that.
I suddenly got a call, I looked at the number, and it was Pewds! I smiled and quickly answered,"Hello friend!"
Pewdie laughed, "Bro, I just watched your video! You're coming to Italy? Det är fucking amazing!"
"I know. I'm so pumped. So friend, why did you call?"
" I called because, I was wondering. Well, where will you be staying when you visit Italy?"
"I'll be staying at a hotel, in Vicenza, Veneto, Italy."
For a moment, there was no answer.
"Pewds. . . ?"
"Bro, that's where I live!" (AN: I looked it up and that's what it said. Not sure if it's correct though :P)
"Serious?!" I was just about to burst of happiness.
"Yeah, you can come and stay with me and Marzia!"
My heart sank a bit. . . Truth is I've had a crush on Pewdie ever since I saw his YouTube video. His dirty blond hair, his blue eyes, his smile and laugh, the way he screamed when something scared him, and just everything. But he's with Marzia, and she's beautiful, it was no wonder why Pewdie fell in love with her.
"Cry, Är du där?" Pewdie asked worried.
I shook my head, "Sorry, what was that?"
"Never mind. So, do you wanna come to my apartment?"
"Sure! I'd love to Pewds!" I said with a happy tone.
"Hell yeah!" Pewds said excitedly.
"Hey Pewds. . . Bro day?" I asked smirking.
"Everyday."
With that we hung up. Every time I thought about Felix, my heart smiled, but when I remembered Marzia, it sunk. My heart sank to the endless pit of depression. I hated the fact that I wasn't the one who made Felix happy. But Felix must never know, if he did he might hate me. I shook my head, Felix doesn't have a damn mean bone in his body. If he ever found out, he might just not talk to me like we do now. And just the thought hurt me. I looked at the time, '10:30pm. I should get some sleep if I'm going to Italy tomorrow.'
*Pewdiepie's POV*
When I had hung up with Ryan, my heart flipped. 'I can't believe I just did that! Ugh, Marzia is going to kill me!'
I took a deep breath, 'She loves his videos I'm sure she'd be happy to have him here.'
Right now Marzia was out with her friends, and honestly I didn't mind. She had her friends and I had mine. It was good to be apart from each other once in a while. I suddenly heard a knock on my door. I smiled, 'That's probably Marzia.'
I opened the door, it was a tall man in a police uniform. His dark eyes stared at the ground for a moment, then they looked at me, he looked as if he had horrible news.
"Is this the Felix and Marzia residence?", the police officer asked.
"Yes. . Who are you? Is Marzia alright?" My head was fill of worry. Did something happen to her?
The police man wouldn't answer for a moment, then he sighed, "I'm terribly sorry sir, but Marzia was in a car crash. And sadly, it was fatal to her."
"Wh-what?" I had tears in my eyes, my voice was hoarse.
"I'm sorry for your loss." He said sincerely. He seemed to be in a hurry.
I sighed, "Goodnight officer."
The officer nodded and left. No words would help me at this point. Nothing would bring Marzia back to life. I closed the door, my breathing became heavy and my hands were trembling, "Marzia. . . Is. . . Dead?"
I called her phone, hoping it was a joke. 1 ring, 2 rings, 3 rings, 4 rings. No answer. Then I heard her voice mail, "Hello this is Marzia and PEEEWWWWDDIIIPPPIIIEEE! Please leave a message for me after the beep. I will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you!"
I put my back against the kitchen wall, I slid down with tears rolling down. "Marzia. . . Is. . . Dead. . ."
I picked up my phone, I called Cry.
"Hello, Pewds?" Cry said sleepily.
"MARZIA! SHE'S DEAD!"
"What?"
Okay guys! That's it for chapter one. Please review and all that other stuff! I would appreciate it. I'm sorry if it's boring :( But remember its my first fan fiction so please be nice. Bye!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I think this is a really good idea for a fanfic. I mean, Pewdie! XD Who wouldn't love it?
But although you've got a good plot going, I think you need to work on things like punctuation, grammar, sentence structure, to you know, make it understandable to the readers. I enjoyed reading it, but had to piece what you tried to say, together by myself. XC
Some nitpicks I'll pick out:
The first paragraph and the starting of the second one contradicts each other, even though I'm sure you didn't mean it.
My heart- just suddenly- sank to the endless pit of depression? And can your heart smile? Is that possible? XD
Also, when you're breaching off from the the whole depression topic and looking at the time, I suggest you keep the time comment in another paragraph.
The other nitpick is how Pewdie reacted when he heard Marzia was dead. How can he sigh at a time like that? I'd personally have expected him to sink to his knees in shock and then thump his head a few dozen times against the wall, so that he'd realize this want all a dream.
Otherwise, you've got a good story going, could have made it a bit longer, but yah. That's it.
Peace! X Keep writing!
Heya, LoveMyLifeNOT, how about a review? Don't worry, as a fellow Pewdie-fan and generally lovely-jubbly person, I'll try and not be too harsh. So, here we go:
Okay, I'm not going to try and sugar coat it and say that the piece is perfect, because it still needs a lot of work. Nevertheless, I like your idea - it's interesting, and I believe that fanfiction is all about exploring things about those we like that we would never get the opportunity to in real life, and you're certainly doing that. Death is always a good starting point, funnily enough.
However, the chapter does need some work. I have three main problems with it:
Firstly, I think it's a bit too short. Considering that such a monumental event takes place in this chapter, one that defines the whole story, I don't think you spend nearly enough time on it. Pewdie's section is definitely lacking in development; it feels rushed and doesn't give the reader enough time to appreciate the impact of what has just happened to him. Don't ramble, obviously, but don't compress it to the point that it feels unrealistic. Draw it out a bit more. Let us savour it, right?
Secondly, there is the interaction between Pewdie and Cry. It doesn't sound friendly enough - it's almost too polite. They're not talking in a way that I'd associate with them, and it feels just a tad forced. If there's one thing you've really, really got to refine with fanfiction, it's the interaction between the characters, because if that isn't right, the whole thing feels stilted, so try and work on it. Make it more casual, watch the way they talk to each other, adjust it slightly. I'd tell you to watch more videos of them together, but I doubt you need prompting! Just try and study them a bit more, and, with every bit of dialogue, imagine them saying it in your head. Does it sound like something they'd say?
Thirdly, there is Pewdie's reaction to Marzia's death. Of all my issues, this is the most prominent. Think about it - the girl that he loves is dead. Surely he'd do more than cry and sigh at the officer? He'd go crazy. Maybe he wouldn't believe it at first. Maybe he'd ring her up umpteen times and then smash the phone when she still hadn't answered. Maybe he'd break plates, scream at nobody, throw himself into the walls. Maybe he'd just sit, an inner monologue of nonsensical thoughts churning their way through his stunned mind. Who knows how he'd react? All I know is that I certainly feel that you ought to revise the end, because the reaction is far too flaccid, and there's wasted potential here. It feels, as stated earlier, far too rushed.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I came across as really harsh, but I just want to help. I still think this piece has potential, but you just need to work on it.
I hope I helped. PM me if you have any questions.
Keep writing!
~Dark