Young Writers Society

Hello, came across this, and decided to leave a quick review.

Overall, I liked this. I thought it was interesting how a wasp was used as a spirit animal, and how the narrator was able to be around them without getting stung, etc...

My only issue with this, is that I don't understand the abrupt change in the story. A man murdered the sister, and the narrator "stung" him in turn. Is the stinging a metaphor for stabbing? Or is it literal? I wasn't really sure if how you went about the swift transition in the story was the best idea. The first half feels more like an introduction to a larger story, but it ends up just shocking you with a three sentenses after that. I feel like if you had continued the story into a longer narration and actually described what happened to the sister, it may have been a bit better.

Other than that, I thought this was cool! I'll be sure to check out some more of your work.

Greetings, LoseControl!

Well. This is quite a fascinating work you have here. After reading to the ending, I feel like you can probably say "Just recently, I sat as a not-so-young adult..." In the end, I think the narrator clearly knows more about the wasps than the beginning, so I think that shift in the second line may be appropriate (you know more than me, so your call.)

You said that wasps have a contradictory nature, but you never discussed it on here. You dos mention that they just protect and are getting a bad reputation for it, but that's more of a contradiction of their nature versus our interpretation.

You have been repeating "they know", but then suddenly switch to "they knew". I suggest you keep it pretty consistent there.

Okay, that ending freaks me out a bit. She's becoming a wasp?!? I feel like we need more information, like there's more of a story we need to know (I bet this could even fully expand to a short story!) I hope you do get the chance to write more on this.

Great work, this is a really unique idea.

-Falco

Hai there! I'm here to review on this wonderful day ~ Let's jump right into it.

First off, this is far too short. While all pieces don't have to be seventeen thousand words long to be effective, it normally takes more to convey and idea and to invoke feeling or some kind of sense in the reader that they should get out of reading something. The shortness of this takes away from it more than it adds. I can get what you're doing with ambiguity and such, but it just doesn't feel developed enough. Just one paragraph of development doesn't really convey much. leaving the reader more utterly confused than slightly confused and mystified while trying to figure out what you meant.

Next thing, which piggy backs onto the last thing I mentioned, it sort of shifts very abruptly around. First the spirit animal as a wasp (which I don't really get? Why a wasp? It's not that important, but a wasp is so out of the ordinary and strange, which can be good, but it'll also require a little more exposure to the thought process.) and then him being surrounded in them? And then suddenly his sister getting murdered? I'm not entirely sure what happened there, and it's very confusing. I'm just not interested enough to want to reread and search for the meaning under the words.

Finally, I really don't know how to take this. Whether it was meant to be literal -- a guy thinking they're a wasp and stabbing someone? -- or figurative, as a kind of metaphor for being the wasp? Circling back around, it was over too briskly and there wasn't time to take it all in and have a revelation. Perhaps some expanding on the point could do you some good.

Overall, this wasn't bad. It was interesting, to say the least, and I feel you have a solid idea. Best of luck ~

Happy writing,
~Wolfe