Young Writers Society

Stopping by for a quick review because why not. I'm basically just reviewing your works anyways, so what difference does a poem make?

The first impression I get from this is a visual way of showing someone's mind in chaos, perhaps, or just a state that there are quite a lot of things going on, which can be represented by the bright yellow shade to the red/brown/pink-ish maybe shades that at times are a bit more difficult to read by first glance. Interesting start.

Starting line, alright. This sets the scene nicely of someone struggling to understand themselves/not knowing how to explain themselves to perhaps a concerned third party or someone ignorant of what could be happening. I can certainly feel sympathy instantly for this person, as that's definitely a relatable scenario to plenty of people.

The matter of not being able to speak or to say the truth about one's mind is really tough, and in these simple words, of "feels inside" can do a good job at painting the picture for the reader. Especially since there's a slightly ironic thing of this poem being in the second person of someone trying to even cope with it themselves.

Continuing on, the line of "screaming out" aligns itself nicely with someone desperate to let something out, to speak something to someone to start the steps of getting the help of some kind. I really like contrasts such as sound/silence, especially here with the adverb of "ungodly" and "unnecessary" since that gives an almost religious aspect to this? As, why use that term instead of "frightening" or "insanely high" as examples of what could bring the same tone across.

The final pieces of this are based around the now explicit want of the speaker to get help, but it's currently impossible for them. The reader can only picture/imagine the situation someone could be in to not be able to speak up, whether it can from feeling trapped or just not being able to speak up in any way.

Overall, I'm curious as to what went into selecting these specific colors in this kind of pattern, and I'd be curious in knowing if you considered more figurative language at some point for this poem. Nicely done ^^

Until later,
fraey <33

Hi! Oliver here to review.

First off, the color scheme, as alliyah said, plays a lot into the overall theme of the poem - sort of a hiding in plain sight kind of thing, or the appearance of being fine and blending in when in reality you're completely losing your shit and struggling to stay afloat. It's amazing what one can see if they look a little harder.

Secondly, it's a very interesting dichotomy between "the same three songs at ungodly volume" to "the unnecessary deafening silence". At first I was confused by this because I didn't understand the use of the word "unnecessary"; compared to ungodly volume, wouldn't silence be necessary and even wanted? But then I remembered that when one feels things so intensely - at an ungodly volume, if you will - and then suddenly feels numb (the deafening silence), they're so unused to that numbness that they're afraid of it. Thus, this juxtaposition really helps illustrate the contradiction of the mind - feeling too much or feeling nothing at all.

The very last line also does a very nice job of finishing the poem's set up. The speaker starts out wanting to explain - to just talk about what's going on in their head. But at the end, it's revealed that the explanation is really a silent plead, a hope that someone will notice and help them. Very well done.

The only critique I have is that I feel as though the poem could have been stylized a little more as far as the form goes. I feel like by putting more structure to the form the poem would read better and have better flow/rhythm, as opposed to right now where it just seems a bit run-on and mashed together.

Overall this poem was really great. Well done.

Keep writing,

LordStar

I completely relate to this. Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction. It seems like the juxtaposition between excess noise and the absence of it is just so hard to explain sometimes. Most of the time people don't want to ask for help, and when you do it is so hard to know how to. Where does one start? I also appreciate the e. e. cummings approach of strictly lowercase. Well done.

Not going to mark as a review since this is mostly me babbling about formatting - but I'm going to jump in here and say I really enjoy that the middle three sentences aren't easy to read, and I kind of think that's the point - like the yellow is irritating and "screaming" at the reader, and the way the colors fade from comfortably-readable to more difficult to comfortably readable creates the illusion of being part of a continual cycle - which goes perfectly with the content of the poem. It's also a good use of taking something "everyone can relate to" - having a song stuck in your head and then using that as an entry way to talk about something that's more difficult to understand and express. Overall I'm really enjoying this last poem series you're doing and think the color adjustment is really well done. Font choice, line break-up are lovely too - the off set of "volume to the unnecessary" as the shortest centered line, also makes it stand out and sound stilted, which is exactly how I would imagine the speaker saying the line if it was spoken. Well done!

This is a great little poem, but the polarity of the colors used against the yellow backdrop could use some adjustment. This is a very evocative piece, and the use of the polar opposites of noise and silence is a nice touch. Good job.