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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review!
First of all, I think this is an extremely interesting piece! The way you formatted it makes me think more of prose than poetry, and the presentation makes it more intriguing. Intentional or not, I put extra emphasis on the lines beneath the horizontal dividing line, and I think it's very neat how you did that.
The biggest thing that stands out to me is that you talk about the nutrition facts as if they have their own feelings and willpower. It seems to be warning, or maybe taunting, you, the reader, about how the nutrition facts will change you. I think the line about the kind of person consumption will make you become is particularly interesting, because it seems as if it's saying that you won't just think differently, you'll be different, if you eat the product or read the label.
I think this piece really speaks to the world of eating disorders, too. Nutrition facts/ingredient lists are such a double edged sword because they help people with heart disease, diabetes, food allergies, and other health conditions, but they also add so many problems to people with eating disorders! They're so important and we have to have them because people could legitimately die without them, but they do present challenges for people with eating disorders. It's amazing what reading those things can do to a person's mind!
Overally, I think this is another highly impressive piece. Keep up the good work!
Happy Writing!
Toboldlygo
Hey there!
Wow. Not what I was expecting at all, to be completely honest. I've never seen this idea before, especially in poetry. I love how unique it is and the feelings you still manage to convey.
Because this is technically poetry, it is in need of a format. Divide it into simple lines and stanzas (stanzas are best broken apart when you change tone or emotion). Just my opinion. I think it will really brighten up your work and make it easier to understand and read.
I'm a fan of the whole powerpoint background you have going on. I really like it.
This poem can honestly be interpreted in so many different ways. I think it just depends on the experiences of the reader. In this case, it does speak to me. It makes me think of the self-consciousness that comes with consuming something not so healthy, which is often overlooked.
Can't wait to read more of your art!
-M