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flowers 1.0

by CaptainJack

sitting in the window, talking to someone,
think this might be love, but you're just
not sure if this is something you can feel.

moments that warm your heart and give
you light and make you feel human.  for
once, but as usual it just fades away.

flowers picked in the courtyard for the
someone leaning on you, sweetly they
sing your name with a godly praise.

it might not be romantic love but it is
love, and it's what you can feel.

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17 Reviews

Points: 1011
Reviews: 17

Tue Oct 29, 2019 7:59 pm
erinr05 wrote a review...

I loved the essence of this poem, it's beautiful and relatable.

The way the lines break up breaks the flow a little bit and makes it a bit harder to read. It reads like sentences that are just divided half way through, which breaks the flow slightly.

Personally, I'd phrase "sweetly they | sing your name" as "they sing your | name sweetly", because I think it flows better, although that's just my opinion.

However, I did love the poem. The imagery is spot on, and conveys emotions well. I like the way the last stanza is two lines instead of three, as it feels like a conclusion.

The imagery is sweet and innocent, I especially like the lines

"flowers picked in the courtyard for the
someone leaning on you"

I like how the poem answers a question. it comes full circle from "not sure if this is something you can feel" to "it's what you feel", which is quite poignant, and gives the poem a sense of completeness.

I also like the idea that this is a "love poem", but not based on romantic love, as it is sometimes difficult to express non-romantic love well.
This is a beautiful poem :)

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8 Reviews

Points: 203
Reviews: 8

Fri Sep 20, 2019 11:27 pm
JacyBuschman wrote a review...

Hello LordWolf!

What a beautiful and relatable poem. The imagery is spot on in this, and it feels inviting.

With poems, think of a new line as a comma almost. The way the lines are broken up makes the flow disjointed a bit.

"moments that warm your heart and give
you light and make you feel human. for
once, but as usual it just fades away."

Here I'd suggest taking "and give" and go with something like "giving you light, making you feel human".

Otherwise it's amazing!

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23 Reviews

Points: 63
Reviews: 23

Thu Sep 19, 2019 1:54 pm
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kaceymackwriter wrote a review...

Hi! I just have to say that I really really really like this poem!! It's very free form and flows quite nicely which is perfect for the message that you're sending. I love the third stanza, especially the lines "flowers picked in the courtyard for the/someone leaning on you," because they're just so sweet and innocent. My only little thing is the last stanza that only has two lines instead of three because it interrupts the flow a bit and it sort of left me feeling like there was something missing, one last thing to be said before it was over. But regardless this is just a really amazing poem and the message of how love and moments of love with another person, even when it's not romantic, make you feel alive and human is just so sweet and I love it. Hope to see more of your poetry!


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119 Reviews

Points: 10789
Reviews: 119

Thu Sep 19, 2019 4:03 am
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Clairia wrote a review...

Hi, LordWolf! I'm @Daughter, here with a review.

Ooh, I love this. It may just be my love for flowers, but you've honestly captured my heart. The pure innocence of a bud about to erupt into bloom, and the beauty that comes with that happening, is so special to me. It's a gentle reminder of how we will all grow into something gorgeous once we learn to accept who we are; and it seems to me that your protagonist is struggling with obtaining that self-worth. Of course, as humans, we often find it difficult to give ourselves credit where credit is due. The things people say to us that aren't meant to hurt can indeed hurt, and sometimes, we end up even hurting ourselves.
Your character remembers times passed, which can be both a blessing and a curse. It's very nice when either mourning or remembering a loved one to be able to look back on the good memories. You do a fine job of letting us know that that special someone is on our protagonist's mind, which is a nice, quick detail of ellaboration that was much appreciated.
One of the only problems that I had, however, was that the to second to last and last stanzas were pretty clunky compared to the rest of your work.

For example:

...sweetly they
sing your name with a godly praise.

You can remove sweetly. It's unnecessary, especially since that your prince/princess charming(s) elaborate that they always see you as a 'god'. Make sure not to stay too repetitive.
And that's seriously all the critiques I have. I can't find anything else 'wrong' with your work!
Thank you so much for sharing. I can't wait to see what you post next.


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52 Reviews

Points: 30
Reviews: 52

Thu Sep 19, 2019 1:56 am
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ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...

Wow for this being the first poem on your account, its amazing! I really love how this poem tells a mini-story! I also really love how you describe this person love with the phrase "They sing your name with godly praise" it not only gives a rather unique and uncommon way to describe something but describes just how much this person loves this other person to a point of worship, which in a sense is creepy yet romantic (Just how I see it). I also love how this poem conveys its point without being too long or being too short either. Another detail I like is the last line, "It might not be romantic love but it is love, and its what you can feel.", its a rather strange and odd way of describing this love especially when paired with the previously mentioned "They sing your name with godly praise" suggesting further that this isn't a normal, healthy love, rather a more obsessive and creepy type of love. I really loved how strange and unique this poem! Keep writing!

Nothing is impossible, for the word itself says, 'I'm possible!'
— Audrey Hepburn