z

Young Writers Society


18+

Delta - 21.2

by Brigadier


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

A cat flew out of the basement, dodging past Jud and colliding with Harry’s side. It bounced off her ribs, noticeably stunned and maintained an attack position on the ground. Jud saw the dangerous look in Harry’s eyes with the slight temptation to freeze the feline in the river.

“You’ll regret it, Ehri.”

“You don’t know that.”

There was no time to answer before the head lights were switched on and one small ray shone through the crowded basement. Jud waited at the top of the stairs for another moment while looking down at the stunned cat, then reaching for a nonexistent banister.

“You know they could have some better safety measures.”

“Jud, this basement is highly illegal by construction and no doubt by contents.”

“What does that have to do with not having a safety rail?  These stairs are a death trap.”

As Jud made it farther into the basement, it became apparent that the entire set up was a death trap. Once they passed through the initial meeting room of cats and into the lower chamber, they found strings of trip wire every few feet. Charges lined back and forth on the walls requiring only the slightest touch of pressure to cause at least dismemberment.

With the status of the basement not necessarily being approved by the Board, they couldn’t find blue prints and now had to stumble through the maze of explosives.

“Ehri, the evidence you find better be worth it.”

At first, there was no answer from the figure ahead. Jud brushed it off and tried not to feel a pang in his heart for his concerns being dismissed. The turn around the next corner revealed no sign of Harry and for that matter, no sign of anything else.

“Fuckers.”

Jud went back to his rambling through the catacombs, taking another flight of stairs further into descent and questioning why he didn’t bring his cane. If he was feeling the effects of these stairs and rough terrain, Harry had to be suffering. Wherever it was she was off to…

“Jud, you may want to come and take a look at this.”

The sudden calling redirected his position in the tunnels opening up to a new room complete with its own security system. Harry had managed to make it to the other side of the maze, but all of the spirit left in his soul couldn’t have convinced Jud to even try.

“What are we looking at?”

“A projection.”

“A projection of what exactly?”

“This room.”

She started crossing from the other side, walking through trigger beams of light and failing to step over trip wires. Nothing happened when the contact was as made, and Harry made it to his side in little time.

“There is no system in this room. It’s just an empty room with a slight projection to obscure how the walls are built.”

“When did you have all of the time to notice this?”

“When I pitched a rock at that tree in the middle of the image.”

Jud stepped into the middle of the room with some doubt for the false security system. With each careful maneuver around a device, he looked forward to the opposite wall to ignore Harry’s smirking. If there was a bomb under the floor boards, he would prefer not to get caught in the blast.

“Are you sure about this?”

“It is most definitely fake as hell.”

For a brief moment, Jud considered tearing a piece of the wall off to toss at the floating plant form. It was far enough off of the ground to create a level of doubt about validity of life while still worrying his defense mechanisms.

“Absolutely sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ehri- “

“Yes.”

Jud stepped off of the stair way leading down to the middle of the room, running a hand through the leaves of the tree until it hit a small column. His fingers ran across a series of rough stones arranged in a circle. And as Jud stepped closer to the column, the fake images gave way to a completely different stone room. The walls turned from pale, bleached sandstone to carefully carved blocks adorned with the same rough stones as the column.

“Well I guess that’s answered for now. What do you think this room is?”

“Nothing that we’re looking for.”

Perhaps Jud wasn’t entirely aware of what they were looking for, but the room seemed aptly suspicious. Even if the book they were looking for was not contained by any of the cases along the walls, surely there would be something worth stealing.

“Then where do we need to go.”

“If they don’t have the books locked down in the basement, then they must Be in a regular level office.”

Jud quickly flashed back to the designs for the interior of the house, particularly the number of stair cases to available offices. His leg quickly brought about the sharp reminder of the distance covered so far, and how they would soon be back tracking through it.

He could hear the sharp taps of Harry’s boots in the door way, quickly clicking again the stone while waiting for him. Jud has a sneaking suspicion that this is exactly where Harry wanted to be to steal but didn’t feel like keeping an old man like himself around.

“I guess we should be heading out then, making ourselves scarce before the butler comes to in a closet.”

Jud watched her distraction, somewhat oblivious to his suggestion and instead focused on something in the walls. He climbed the stairs to be beside her, trying to look among the patterns for the same clue she must have seen.

“Ehri, just tell me what we’re looking at.”

Still no answer.

Jud couldn’t read minds like the rest of them, he could read the vibrations that came off of someone. A general sense of the thoughts of the people around him and a deep connection to the displayed and secretive emotions.

Powers first deemed purposeful for the priest hood. Then discovered by the Federation and abused by the Council of Police.

“Ehri, what’s the matter?”

“Don’t you recognize the pattern on the wall?”

Jud squinted at it once more before answering, “Well it’s something religious but nothing that I know.”

Harry’s hand was aggressively tapping against her braces, enough of a click between nails and metal rods so that it was noticeable in the surrounding environment. The emotions running through her state of mind were so jumbled that Jud could barely get a read on her.

“It’s a stolen section of art work from a church in Mava, from the church of the hunters. Been missing for nearly a thousand years and assumed to have been destroyed by the Federation.”

“What are you going to do, Ehri? You can’t just steal an entire wall.”

“Who said I can’t?”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Tue Jun 04, 2019 12:16 am
BluesClues wrote a review...



“Jud, this basement is highly illegal by construction and no doubt by contents.”

“What does that have to do with not having a safety rail? These stairs are a death trap.”


I continue to love Jud. Me. But also, flashbacks to Big Hero Six: "THERE ARE NO RED LIGHTS IN A CAR CHASE!"

The mention of the death trap a few lines later actually put me in mind of further Health and Safety violations until I got to the bit about trip wires, whoops.

Perhaps Jud wasn’t entirely aware of what they were looking for, but the room seemed aptly suspicious.


I THOUGHT SO, TOO, JUD. Which is again probably why I love him so much. We're so similar, unexpectedly.

“What are you going to do, Ehri? You can’t just steal an entire wall.”

“Who said I can’t?”


#ClassicHarry

"Bold of you to assume I can't just steal an entire wall" - Harry, probably.

Okay, my Reviewing Brain is a little sluggish since I literally haven't reviewed a single dang thing in at least two months. Plus I haven't read a single bit of the story in at least the same amount of time, although I do vaguely recall the breakin and the cat drug-mules. So I don't have any Helpful Overarching Thoughts for you today.

As mentioned, I continue to love Jud's character. He's got the practical concerns, like not-up-to-code staircases, but he's also kind of snarky but in an understated grumpy-old-man kind of way. And then there's his cane and the way he cares deeply about Harry and seems to, I don't know if "understand" is the right word but I'm gonna go with it for now, seems to understand her in a way no one else really does. He adds a more sober note to the story without killing the humor.




User avatar
103 Reviews


Points: 97
Reviews: 103

Donate
Sun Mar 31, 2019 10:10 pm
Samhain wrote a review...



I'm just jumping into this book since I saw the chapter in the green room. So I don't know what's going on or anything, but I will review your chapter from a structural standpoint and avoid plot.

Your development of ideas and adding of suspense to the mix is well done. Mostly what I see that could be revised is your spelling/grammar/punctuation, with emphasis on compound words. Examples are "priesthood" which you spell as "priest hood" - it is one word, not two. Same with "blueprints" and "staircases". Watch out for those.
For my second suggestion, I am not going to point to a specific spot. My suggestion is that you just make sure you remember to often clarify who is talking when, and what characters are doing. This isn't a big issue at all, it is just something to keep in mind when writing. Yes, you can have long strings of dialogue without "he said, she said," but it is easy to get lost in those if you don't interject gentle reminders.

Good job and continue your excellent project!




User avatar
414 Reviews


Points: 31420
Reviews: 414

Donate
Thu Mar 28, 2019 5:05 pm
View Likes
keystrings wrote a review...



Hi again. Meant to get to this sooner, but I've been weird kinds of busy with stuff.

I'm happy to have more of Jud's view here, as I think it's interesting to get another side of events, and of what he finds important. In addition, narration can get fun to switch back and forth between characters, especially if it's unreliable views, as I feel like parts of Jud's and Harry's can sound like, so contrasting is key to get the full picture of what's going on. The easy example is the whole thing/treatment of the cats; left alone, I'm sure a few cats would be y'know chucked over the wall by Harry, while Jud may mysteriously run them down until they're exhausted, or accidentally freeze them, by chance. Neat stuff here.

Of course, Harry just wants to discreetly drown the cat. There's some good description here, of being able to picture the many "lasers" and random death traps all over the basement. I suppose coming from a group of people with diamond-encased collars on their cats, a hidden/fake security system isn't that much of outreach in money and effort. I'm curious to see how the book they're looking for will play into the whole scheme of things, as well as how advanced these people are - expensive jewel stuff? Secret hideout?

Lastly, that bit about Jud's ability to read the vibrations of someone is pretty cool, and certainly different than, yeah, the mind-readers all over. I'm sure those can't be very happy stories, about how his powers were discovered and then used. These poor people. Certainly, Harry can steal the whole wall, though, right? It's like they were just doing some remodeling, nothing special, and had to take down the painting, pssh. Harry's logic is an amazing one.

Happy to be reading more of Delta.





I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
— Chandler Bing