Where do the clouds go?
When the wind blows them far
Can I follow them?
Until they fade away
Where do the clouds go?
Do they go to a secret place
In the sky
Where they live and they laugh
Where they schedule the next storm
''I went last time, it's your turn now''
''No, I went last time, it's your turn now!''
Or do they drift and drift
Until they disappear
Cry because they're lost
And cause a big rain?
Where do the clouds go?
Oh, baby dear, I wish I knew
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138,375 Literary Works • 672,110 Reviews
I might as well start with the first poem, yeah?
positives
I tend to crave putting questions in my poetry because it sets an example for the rest of the descriptions. If you start asking about clouds and their movement, the bulk of readers will understand that you're going to be focusing on sky imagery. That makes things a load easier for all parties because it's still provoking feelings without being pretentious.
I'm beginning to consider that our narrator figure is a child or at least someone who is more lighthearted. When I was a child, I was so fascinated by clouds. I believe a lot of people were (and might still be) due to the process where they disappear and reappear so suddenly.
The last line advances my suspicion of a child narrator doing all of the interrogations. The term of endearment "dear" is typically used by people in romantic attachments and mothers, but the environment suggests to me more of a motherly kind of connection overall.
Now it all makes sense, I suppose. Mothers are some of the most influential people to many and arguably really, really major parts of lives throughout the world. Of course, they would be the individuals to answer all of those complicated questions.
suggestions
I mentioned having questions being a genuinely good thing because it's profiting the narrator's personality type, but I believe several of the questions are counterproductive to the actual content of the poem. It could be the exact same with identical results without some of them.
The longer questions that take up many lines are content to the poem; they need to be there for someone to understand the basics of your topic and theme. A great example of what I'm trying to say here with content would be: "do they drift and drift / until they disappear/ cry because they're lost / and cause a big rain?"
The shorter questions that summarize preceding concepts and repeat at times are not content to the poem; they can be categorized as filler lines because there isn't any further information gathered. The primary example that caused me to bring this up would be the secondary restatement of "where do the clouds go?"
Besides that, you're pretty solid here - I'll be moving onto another now.
Cheers! <3
Thanks!!
Hello there again, @MomoandAppa! It's Vilnius with the third promised review!
So, my first impression here is that you've mixed it up a little. Instead of focusing on scenery, you've posed a question and built up a poem around it.
I like how there's a little more structure to this poem, though there are a few edits I woud suggest making.
I would suggest placing the word away before can.
After next storm, I would suggest placing a question mark.
This line feels like it's really out of place and doesn't seem to belong here. Also, you've only provided a comma here and in one other spot. For the sake of keeping the poem the same throughout, I would suggest removing them or adding in the extra commas.
Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!
thanks for the review!
Such a sweet poem! I love how imaginative it is! It’s very sentimental (“Or do they drift and drift until they disappear; cry because they're lost; and cause a big rain?“) and at the same time lighthearted (“Where they live and they laugh, where they schedule the next storm. ''I went last time, it's your turn now.” ''No, I went last time, it's your turn now!''). I love the dialogue, and the idea of clouds scheduling storms. It’s so creative!
Overall, great work crafting your poem! I enjoyed reading it!
~Spider~
thanks!
Add an ellipsis after "Can i follow them" it will help the following line read better.
I really like this poem. It's funny and well written.
thank you!
Hi! I really like this poem, and I think the concept of clouds "going" somewhere works really well and contributes to the sort of wistful, melancholy tone throughout the poem!
so that it would just read You could also add something like "into nothing" or "into the blue", but I think that it would still get the point across without it.Like whatchamacallit said, I noticed the repetition of "away" too, though my personal recommendation would be to take it out of the line
I also noticed the repetition of the word storm in the lines and which in my opinion might be stronger if you change the first line from "storm" to "rain", which would save the turbulent emotional connotations of the word "storm" for the second line so that it packs a bigger punch.
Overall I thought this poem was a beautiful concept that had a wonderful emotional depth. The mood and the tone work nicely with the personification of the clouds and the childlike narration and questions that contrast the deeper, sadder undercurrent of the poem.
P.S. I love your username!
thank you!
This is really a sweet poem <33
thank you!!
Hi MomoandAppa, welcome to YWS! If you have any questions about the site (or this review), feel free to ask!
I think you've got an interesting concept for this poem ~ you do a wonderful job of showing the narrator's curiosity about where the clouds went. Your repetition of the line "Where do the clouds go?" also emphasizes that the narrator just really wants to know. One thing I'd like was if each time you repeat that line, it changes a little, to give it some new meaning so it stays engaging. For example, something like this:
"Where do the clouds go?"
"Where do the clouds hide?"
"Where do the clouds run away to?"
Each time it gets a bit more extreme, if that makes sense, and creates a sense of progress as the poem goes on. You don't need to use those words exactly, and if you don't like this idea that's totally okay too, just something to consider!
Other than that repetition (which I enjoy), I'd like to look at repetition in your vocabulary. You repeat a lot of words throughout the poem, but it doesn't feel as deliberate or consistent, and because of this I don't feel that it works to emphasize a message - it just makes the poem slightly less engaging because of the lack of variety in word choice.
^Here, for example, you repeat "away" in two lines close to each other. I think it'd be great if you could change one of them to be different -> "When the wind blows them across the sky" or something like that. Again, that's just an example, feel free to use your own language!
^These two lines are farther apart in the poem but it'd still be awesome if you could switch up the verbs a little! In the second one you could consider something like "throw a tantrum because they're lost" or "sob and howl because they're lost" - those are more detailed descriptions than simply "cry", and it would create more variety.
Having said that, you do have some lovely descriptions. I think my favourite lines are
I would love it, too, if you could describe what this secret place might look like!
Also, minor detail (and this is stylistic so if you don't agree no need to change anything) ~ I would personally like it if you used some more periods in the poem ~ especially if you ended the last line with a period. That would just give it a sense of finality, like oh, okay, the poem's finished now!
Overall, a really fun poem to read! I love the concept, and I think you do a great job portraying the narrator's curiosity. A couple of general suggestions would be 1) try and add some variety to the vocabulary where possible and 2) add some more descriptions and imagery, maybe about the place the clouds are disappearing or what the storms they make look like!
I hope you find this useful and if you've got any questions, again, feel free to ask! Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
thank you!! i appreciate this review a lot!
Its a nice poem, and I don’t see any grammar mistake, but I don’t understand the line ‘ I went last time, it's your turn now; No, I went last time, it’s your turn now
the clouds are arguing about whose turn it is to go make a storm. hope that clears it up:)