Young Writers Society

I might as well start with the first poem, yeah?

positives

I tend to crave putting questions in my poetry because it sets an example for the rest of the descriptions. If you start asking about clouds and their movement, the bulk of readers will understand that you're going to be focusing on sky imagery. That makes things a load easier for all parties because it's still provoking feelings without being pretentious.

Can I follow them?

Hello there again, @MomoandAppa! It's Vilnius with the third promised review!

So, my first impression here is that you've mixed it up a little. Instead of focusing on scenery, you've posed a question and built up a poem around it.

I like how there's a little more structure to this poem, though there are a few edits I woud suggest making.

When the wind blows them far
Can I follow them?

Do they go to a secret place
In the sky
Where they live and they laugh
Where they schedule the next storm

Oh, baby dear, I wish I knew

Such a sweet poem! I love how imaginative it is! It’s very sentimental (“Or do they drift and drift until they disappear; cry because they're lost; and cause a big rain?“) and at the same time lighthearted (“Where they live and they laugh, where they schedule the next storm. ''I went last time, it's your turn now.” ''No, I went last time, it's your turn now!''). I love the dialogue, and the idea of clouds scheduling storms. It’s so creative!

Overall, great work crafting your poem! I enjoyed reading it!

~Spider~

Add an ellipsis after "Can i follow them" it will help the following line read better.

I really like this poem. It's funny and well written.

Hi! I really like this poem, and I think the concept of clouds "going" somewhere works really well and contributes to the sort of wistful, melancholy tone throughout the poem!
Like whatchamacallit said, I noticed the repetition of "away" too, though my personal recommendation would be to take it out of the line

Until they fade away

Until they fade

Where they schedule the next storm

And cause a big storm?

This is really a sweet poem <33

Hi MomoandAppa, welcome to YWS! If you have any questions about the site (or this review), feel free to ask!

I think you've got an interesting concept for this poem ~ you do a wonderful job of showing the narrator's curiosity about where the clouds went. Your repetition of the line "Where do the clouds go?" also emphasizes that the narrator just really wants to know. One thing I'd like was if each time you repeat that line, it changes a little, to give it some new meaning so it stays engaging. For example, something like this:

"Where do the clouds go?"

"Where do the clouds hide?"

"Where do the clouds run away to?"

Each time it gets a bit more extreme, if that makes sense, and creates a sense of progress as the poem goes on. You don't need to use those words exactly, and if you don't like this idea that's totally okay too, just something to consider!

Other than that repetition (which I enjoy), I'd like to look at repetition in your vocabulary. You repeat a lot of words throughout the poem, but it doesn't feel as deliberate or consistent, and because of this I don't feel that it works to emphasize a message - it just makes the poem slightly less engaging because of the lack of variety in word choice.

When the wind blows them away

Can I follow them?

Until they fade away

Where they cry and they laugh

...

Cry because they're lost

Do they go to a secret place

In the sky

Its a nice poem, and I don’t see any grammar mistake, but I don’t understand the line ‘ I went last time, it's your turn now; No, I went last time, it’s your turn now