Published March 30, 2010
Thirteen years ago
Megan looked through the hospital window, everything outside seemed the same as usual, but for her it wasn’t. She had always liked the idea of magic, but now she wished it was a dream; a dream in which you could wake up from in a split of seconds, instead of bearing in mind the thoughts that troubled your hope. The man beside her bed stood there motionless, he dared not to speak, for that could cause an incredible pain to his beloved one. It wasn’t anyone’s fault the only thing to blame was destiny.
“Ophea will stay with me, you can go back to your kingdom. Love should not destroy your life and your responsibilities.” Megan murmured with a slight groan, without looking to the man standing next to her.
“I know”, the man replied coming closer and closer to Megan to sit by her side. He looked at Megan who was starting to get tears in her eyes. He felt the droplet touching his skin, but he resisted the envy of crying as well. After all, how would Megan feel if she knew her beloved one wouldn’t be happy without her, how would he be able to direct his kingdom with no happiness in his life?
The man bent down towards Megan and touched her red lips, to give her a last kiss. They both wished there could be another way, but that was the way things were meant to be, they both knew well enough that they shouldn’t mess with destiny. Megan touched the man’s visage with both compassion and sadness showing in her big blue eyes, she traced his mouth, nose and eyes with her finger and made sure to remember his face so as to never forget it.
Even though the man said he was leaving, he slept there with Megan until the bedroom’s clock struck midnight. He carefully got Megan out of his arms and went to give a goodbye kiss to Ophea, who was still asleep. He hesitated as he closed the wooden door but continued his way up, up to the sky.
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140,273 Literary Works • 673,078 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well..things are certainly off to a very intriguing start there on that particular note. Its not the most unique of predicaments to run into, but it is certainly the sort of thing that does catch your attention as a reader which is always quite a good thing to be seeing at the start of a first chapter like this one. This also makes you think of what the backstory behind such a moment could be and I'd say this makes for what seems like it'd be a very successful opening bit here.
Oooooh well once again not the most surprising of plot twist, but certainly this is the kind of plot twist that makes you sit up and take notice. We've got a very interesting couple of subplots of sorts being added in and things just start sounding a whole lot more complex on that particular note. Well I am loving where this is headed at the moment, let's see how you've ended things here.
Okay that ending was pretty much along the lines I was expecting there. Nothing that could cause any issues to this first chapter and in fact something that serves as a fairly decent cliffhanger I would say. I think you've managed to do a pretty solid job of things with this particular piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Okay so far ,but it you need to write a more.....please.
The only thing that I had problem I had was very minor,yet noticeable:
I sounded odd to me, 'struck' would sound more natural in this sentence.Welcome to YWS by the way, hope you like it.
I'm not sure, i wasn't really thinking about the hospital bed when i wrote that. But I know that some bed are okay in size...
Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I'm LittlePetRock, but everyone calls me LPR or Rocky.
I thought she was in a hospital bed? Most hospital beds are very small. That would make it very difficult for him to lay in bed with her.I really, really like this story so far. You must post more of this, you must!
I found no grammatical mistakes, bravo!
I have one nit-pick:
Once again, bravo, and welcome!