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Beautiful Mistake (Time Travel Short Story)

by LizzyDear

Perhaps things never go the way they should, or maybe the way you’d like them to. The world is so vast, there’s no telling how many mysteries have yet to be discovered.

It was never Rose’s intention for things to go the way they did, a broken heart could make anybody do anything. The death of her mother devastated her. One moment she was there, and it seemed like only the blink of an eye and she was gone like the wind.

She hadn’t been texting anybody on her phone, though people did of course reach out. Rose kept herself locked up in her room that began to fill with the smell of alcohol. Perhaps her father took everything much worse than herself. He was different, much different..and Rose didn’t like change. Her world turned upside down and she no longer wanted any part of it. She was 18, and it felt like her life was already over.

So, she left.

With an old blue bookbag hanging on her back, she was off and out her window. All she had was a blanket, three hundred dollars, and her phone along with its charger. The rain fell harder than usual that night, the storm was strong and roared across the woods surrounding her small home. Rose cried the entire time, the rain washing her tears away. It was so dark, she almost couldn’t see what was happening in front of her, though the strikes of lightning illuminated the woods just enough for her to navigate her way through. Rose wanted a new life, a new world. Home was no longer as it used to be and she wanted nothing more than to go.

Nobody listened to her pleas…That’s what she thought anyway. Perhaps one’s mind isn’t as private as one would think. Someone could hear through her begging silence.

Suddenly, another strike of lightning struck the ground, but not just anywhere. Right unto the girl herself. She screamed, the world around her turning darker than before.

It was just endless solitude in nothing but darkness. It was almost easing in a way, and even that itself felt so..eerie.

Hours felt like minutes and minutes felt like seconds. By the time the girl awoke, there was a faint crisp in the air she hadn’t noticed before. It smelled cleaner, like fresh pine and morning dew...Yet it wasn’t morning. It was still just as dark as it was before, but...

Were those trees there before? That grassland? The faint sound of a freshwater stream in the distance? Rose needed no light, the moon above lit everything up for her, it felt completely different, almost as if she wasn’t in the same place she was in before.

‘My bag!’ She thought, quickly sitting up and looking for it, though it was nowhere to be seen. Panicked, she checked her limbs, finding absolutely nothing wrong with her. Not even a scratch. She wasn’t even wearing the same thing she had on before.

Her heart was pounding against her chest by the time she scrambled up, her mind came to the conclusion that she had been attacked and robbed, though that wasn’t the case at all.

Rose instantly made a run for it in the direction that her house had been in, better than nothing at this point. Her father probably didn’t know she left anyways.

However, in the midst of her run, she ran into something..someone. Letting out a yelp, she fell to the ground, a strike of pain instantly running through one of her ankles.

The unsuspecting impact caused the other in front of her to stumble a few steps forward, though he quickly got hold of his bearings enough to turn around and face the perpetrator. What he didn’t expect, however, was to see a beautiful young girl on the ground staring up right at him.

“Well, what do we have here?” A charming and perfectly straight smile appeared from the man’s full lips. His voice was as cocky as ever, perhaps a little teasing, as he tilted his head to the side in a playful manner. He was curious. Curious as to why a girl like herself would be so far out on her own. Rose was scared to death, frozen in her place, her eyes wide and her body trembling. “Did a little girl stray from the path and get lost?”

“N-No... I-..” Rose’s voice was stuttering with nervousness, she had always been told not to talk to strangers, and well...This was the worst place to run into somebody at.

The individual crouched down to be eye level with the young lady, outstretching a bruised hand to help assist her back onto her feet, though it only retreated as the girl before him seemed to decline his offer.

“I must apologize, my lady, but you must really look where you’re going.” Of course, he wasn’t going to take the blame for their little run-in. After all, he had had his back turned.

“I didn’t see you..” Rose responded in a soft, quivering tone. Her fear was noticeable, she was completely vulnerable here by herself and was more than aware of it.

On the other side, Oliver was planning to return to his temporary home peacefully. He was keeping his head low, unruly and messy black locks of hair falling down into his conniving and cat-like green eyes as he walked. The man himself had just been getting back from snagging a few precious jewels from one of his unsuspecting victims. After all, this was the perfect time to go unnoticed. It wasn’t like anyone would want to spare the lowlife a second glance anyway. Dressed in his ragged black jeans, a dirty and loose white shirt tucked into the waistband — of course, no one would want to have any interactions with this young man. He didn’t need to please those folks that looked down on him anyways. He didn’t care. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.

Rose’s eyes scanned over the young man in front of her... He was different, the first thing she noticed was his clothes that seemed nothing like the norm for the 21st century. The way he spoke struck her as bizarre, nobody spoke like that at all. Was she even in the same place she was in before?

The moonlight illuminated into the woods and reflected off of Rose’s features, showing off her sun-kissed skin and her glistening brunette locks that flowed to her shoulders. The woods were of a moderate temperature, with a slight breeze; sounds of the night coming from every corner around.

The girl then slowly attempted to stand with another sudden pain striking up her leg, making a gasp escape her lips before collapsing right back onto the ground where she first started. She twisted her ankle. Oliver couldn't help but frown in displeasure.

She winced and bit her lip, holding her leg as she looked down at her foot. She had no idea what she had done to it, having no medical experience. She barely even bruised herself half the time, not an injury was on her body. Perhaps she needed to get out more.

“Ow, ow, ow..” The girl looked down at her leg and back up at the young man before her, her eyes wide with fear. “I-I think I hurt myself..I don’t know what I did..I was just-..just fine a moment ago..” And now she was rambling out of her own nervousness. It only just kept getting better. The one time she finally went out to get a taste of freedom beyond those dark walls, it ended up in chaos. And now here she was, injured in front of a potentially dangerous man who just stood and stared, unsure of what to do.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll have somebody looking for you once they realize you’re gone. Good luck.” And with that, the seemingly cruel man turned on his heel to leave the girl behind. He had things to attend to, this wasn’t his problem.

“B-But-..” Rose bit down unto her quivering bottom lip, the pain showed her no mercy. She looked up at the other with those glossy eyes that looked as if they were made of glass, even with the moonlight reflecting off of those seemingly blue marbles. He was abandoning her. Was this good or bad? She didn’t know, but she was in so much pain that she couldn’t even stand. How was she going to even get back home like this!

Just when the male was about ten feet away, Rose watched as he stopped. What was he doing? Was this it for her? Was she going to go like those people in the horror movies she’d watch on Netflix?

As he came closer, Rose had only closed her eyes, her body tensed. Without saying a word, the man gently ran a few fingers over the ankle that had been injured, causing her to flinch. It didn’t look too bad, possible bruising. But even a twisted ankle was enough to cause him pain.

“You shouldn’t be so clumsy,” Oliver stated bitterly, emerald eyes glancing over to her through dark and long eyelashes. It gave him a more youthful look. His hair was beginning to curl up from the slight humidity in the night, falling down over his eyes. Rose’s eyes slowly opened and looked up at the man before her, her body beginning to relax.

“You understand I can’t take you back, correct? They’d think I kidnapped someone like you.” His voice was simple, not showing much remorse. Rose thought about her father. He would be too drunk to even tell what reality was anymore. He drank to forget and that’s simply it. Though not abusive, he left Rose alone to watch as he simply washed himself away with those bitter liquids, and it was equally just as heartbreaking.

Rose gave him a hesitant nod, nobody would care, right? Her father was in his own world, too drunk to notice. Though the man seemed almost irritated, his actions showed otherwise. With little hesitation, Oliver slipped an arm under her legs and the other behind her back. He easily lifted her up off the ground which caused the girl to gasp in his arms.

“Guess you’ll be coming back with me for the night.” And with that, he began to walk down the path he had been heading down before his run-in with the girl.

Rose tensed and looked around. God, if only she had her phone!

“If-..If you plan to do any funny business..I’ll-..I’ll call the police!”

She panicked and yelled, not knowing what else to say to him other than that. Oliver raised an eyebrow and looked down at her as if he didn’t understand what she said at all.

“I recommend you stop talking, you’re beginning to sound mad. You shouldn’t walk on that, anyways. Not until it’s properly treated..” He replied unbothered, only showing that slightly weirded-out action. Rose had a bit of an attitude, she got that kind of stubbornness from her mother.

“I-I’ll scream!” She yelled once more, the man rolling his eyes.

“Who's going to hear? There’s not a soul around here, love. And frankly, I don’t know how you’ve come here.”

He replied, Rose could feel her heart drop. She fell silent.

“What is it? Cat got your tongue?” Oliver asked, his eyebrow raising.

But she hadn’t gone too far, had she? She couldn’t have... She could still see that street light from her neighborhood cul-de-sac. It was right there, she knew it was..but. There was nothing but woods surrounding them. Where had it all gone? And yet again the same question ran through her mind: Where in the world was she?

Her face was pale, even that was visible under the moon. Oliver could tell.

“What do you mean? Where are we?” She demanded with a bit of panic in her tone, her voice trembling. Suddenly her entire character changed, and Oliver picked up on it almost immediately.

“You’re rather panicked.” He addressed, his tone remaining unbothered. “We’re in Arnondale, love. The market town is right outside these woods.”

Oliver explained, he seemed to be keen on his surroundings, he followed a certain path and knew his way through the trees and shrubs.

Rose didn’t understand, it seemed like he was speaking another language, she felt so distant for a moment. Her heart stopped and her body froze.

“A-Arnondale..?” She repeated the word in an almost breathless tone. She remembered that word, it was from class. She knew it, she swore she knew it.

“What-..” She swallowed nervously before managing to finish her question. “What..year is it..?”

One of Oliver’s eyebrows was raised as he looked down at the young woman in his arms. He had no poker face, his expression stated his feelings rather clearly. He was completely weirded out, though he continued to walk.

“1843.” He stated simply.

“It’s-..It’s not 2021?!” Rose exclaimed, panicked. All the blood was rushing to her head as her heart went crazy. This had to have been a dream...right?

“Now, what in the-” Oliver stopped himself upon looking down at her, his eyes widening for a moment to see that she’d gone unconscious. Her body fell limp in his arms.

“-Alright, then.” He shrugged it off, at least she was finally quiet.

Oliver didn’t really comment on why this girl in his arms had looked so scared and shaken.. even if he wanted to ask her why it was too late for now. All he knew, after tonight, their interaction together would be done for. Once she could walk properly on her own, he would lead her back in the direction of wherever she needed to go as far as he could before sending her off on her way. That was how it should be.

But where else could he even take her? It was the middle of the night and any medics would be off duty. And even if he did find one, Oliver didn’t have any money to pay them. Sure, he could perhaps trade the expensive artifacts in the bag hanging off of his shoulder.. but he had just acquired those items and he wasn’t planning on letting them go so easily. He needed real money out of them. He had always kept his whereabouts hidden from anyone he knew for fear of someone coming and arresting him for the crimes that he committed. Old and new.

It didn’t take much longer to arrive at his simple abode as he quietly walked down the familiar path. He wanted to get out of the night as quickly as possible. He couldn’t risk anyone seeing him with the mysterious girl. Trailing off of the path down a more woody, cobblestone drive, it was only a few more turns and they would be at the location.

Reaching the home where Oliver had been staying, it was clear it was quite overgrown. Trees were all around, more crowded than the rest of the forest. And wildflowers sprouted up everywhere you looked. As for the house.. it was a small cottage. Didn’t look like anything special and it certainly didn’t cost much. As for Oliver, he didn’t pay for it at all. He had found the hidden treasure on his own, all abandoned. And he turned that into his residence.

Carefully turning the knob to the wooden door so as to not drop the girl in his arms, he pushed open the door with his foot. The little cottage was dark.. and it wasn’t spacious by any means. Three rooms filled the space. A kitchenette space, a bathroom, and the living room/bedroom.

He walked inside and carefully sat Rose down on the brown couch. Afterward, he took his bag and tossed it on a table before lighting the multiple candles scattered around the home. He then headed straight for the kitchen to gather an ice pack, a cup of water, and the medication like he had said. Stepping around the mess that scattered the cottage, he made his way back over to Rose who had already seemed to have awoken in a daze

She groaned as her eyes fluttered open, her hand coming up to rub tiredly at them before she placed it over her forehead.

“My head hurts..” Rose mumbled, her expression showing a slight wince.

“Pleasant.” Oliver acknowledged her awakening as he seemed to be making something in the kitchen. This also just made Rose rather aware of where she was, and her heart dropped realizing that this seeming nightmare was actually reality.

“Now, I hate to disappoint you, but I’m not a medical professional. Anything I’ve suffered, I’ve got through with home remedies. Some ice should help, it doesn’t look bad enough to actually require a splint. I have some medication to prevent further swelling,” He explained while wrapping up some ice in some cloth before getting up and returning back over to Rose who looked anything but elated.

“Okay..” Rose seemed to be more at ease for now, which was a good thing for Oliver. He didn’t like dealing with noisy people.

“You can sleep here for the night,” He spoke blandly while kneeling down on the fur rug that covered the majority of the rundown hardwood floors in the living room. He would take the floor if he must. Oliver made quick work of applying the ice pack, having wrapped it in a cloth so the coldness wasn’t so harsh against her skin.

“Is that alright?” He asked, referring to the ice pack, his eyes looking up into her own as she gave a reassuring nod.

“Feels fine.” Rose said in return, tucking a piece of hair back behind her ear.

“Here,” Oliver then offered a glass of water and a single pill for the girl to take in which she hesitated. “What is it?” He frowned.

“You aren’t drugging me, are you?” Rose asked with a raised eyebrow. The man in return groaned and rolled his eyes.

“It’s pain medication. I only have a few of these so take it and be gracious that I’m giving you one.” Oliver replied with a bit of annoyance to his tone.

The girl had been taught not to accept anything from strangers, especially drugs! She was breaking all kinds of ethical rules and she wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“Fine..geez..” She mumbled, her eyebrows a bit furrowed as she finally took the pill from his palm along with the glass. Drinking a sip of the water, she placed the pill into her mouth and swallowed it with ease.

With the room dimly lit with candles, there was a comfortable heat she could feel. Her eyes then looked back over towards Oliver, and for a moment, she stared.

Oliver was handsome. While his clothes were rather scruffy and such, his face could even be seen as.. pretty. For a man, anyway. He had a sharp jawline though his features were soft. Full, pink-tinted lips placed perfectly below his nose. And his eyes... His eyes were probably one of the most attractive things about the man. One was slightly a darker green than the other, but they each had a soulfulness to them. One anyone could get lost in.

Outside of that, the sounds around the cabin were beginning to frighten her, and she was starting to dislike the ambiguity of the darkness outside those small windows. Even the thought of those trees that surrounded the little cottage intimidated her and the cool wind that brushed against her skin sent shivers down her spine. It had suddenly grown quiet, and a little too quiet for comfort.

“I ran away..” Rose quietly admitted, gaining Oliver’s attention once more. “I snuck out through my window.” She said this randomly, she just wanted to say something. She always felt better after talking about her problems, Rose always used to do that with her mother.

Oliver still seemed so unfazed, he just had this look on his face that made him seem like he was annoyed all the time, maybe it was just natural. It looked that way. He looked at her for a moment before his attention turned back to gathering the supplies he had brought over to the couch.


Rose nodded, she looked almost nervous in a way. She sat up straight with her hands in her lap, her eyes a bit wide.

“Parents must be worried.” He picked up his things and got up, and walked back to the small kitchen area, placing them into a cabinet before his eyes looked back over to the girl on the couch.

Rose was quiet, she bit down onto her bottom lip and she looked down at her lap. Her eyes began to water, glistening over with tears.

“I’ve said something I shouldn’t?” Oliver’s tone softened along with his gaze from seeing the girl crying.

He wasn’t completely heartless, after all. In fact, during his more youthful days, he was a childish and playful boy. Always cracking jokes with a smile lit upon his face. But now, he was more guarded and cold. The joyous expressions that had once filled his heart had been pushed down. The world had robbed him of his innocence and he wasn’t as naive as he had once been. A genuine smile hadn’t crossed his lips in a while. Only teasing smirks that appeared with the fake confidence he put off. That was how he survived on his own for so long now.

“N-No... No..” Rose quickly reassured him. “I just-..” She didn’t know what to say. It had been months and it still felt so raw. People told her to get over it, but she knew she never would. Her heartfelt so heavy, and the weight felt like it would never leave.

The male quietly returned back to his floor spot in front of the girl and leaned back to where he was sitting somewhat like a child, his legs criss-cross underneath him. He rested an elbow on the edge of the couch cushion, propping his head up in his hand, palm against his cheek. He used his other hand to push a few of the messy locks of hair out of his face. He would be needing to get a haircut soon as the sides were beginning to get past his ears. Oliver was quiet, but he gave her his attention.

“My into an accident a couple of months ago and-..and she didn’t make it..” She explained in the most simple way, she didn’t want to go into detail at all as she was already struggling to speak through the heavy feeling in her throat.

“My dad just drinks to cope..a-and he’s too drunk to pay attention to me anymore..I’m-..I’m just lonely..I miss how it was back then..when we were happy.”

Rose spoke in between soft sobs as she lightly trembled. It was a lot to get off of her chest, she had never spoken about it before. She never spoke to anybody after her mother.

Oliver didn’t interrupt the girl as she spoke, he just listened. Rose didn’t know how much she needed that until she got it.

“My family’s gone too.” He confessed after a moment of silence, Rose’s eyes looking up into his gaze. He had a much more gentle look on his face, his sarcastic tone was gone. He was being genuine. “The poor don’t get a thing in this world. My father couldn’t get a job, so he resorted to thievery to feed mother and myself.” He looked away from her gaze, just looking down at the cushioning on the couch “He got caught stealing a loaf of bread from the market. Some men found our home, took them out with daggers.”

Oliver’s demeanor darkened as he said this, Rose couldn’t have imagined what he had been through. “I was a child, I was small enough to get away and hide.” His eyes then looked back up into her gaze, shrugging. “Now, look at me. I’m doing the same as my father.” Oliver let out a chuckle, though nothing of what he had said was funny. He showed a lot more hurt in his eyes than anything else. It was like she was looking at a completely different person.

Rose just seemed to be in a state of shock, she wasn’t sure how to react up to this point.

“I-.. I’m sorry..” She apologized, she couldn't fathom what he had been through.

Oliver shook his head. “Don’t apologize. The world is cruel and ruthless...I just learned at a young age, is all.” He spoke to her in a calm voice, yet his words were heartbreaking.

Nobody deserves to go through that. To Rose, he seemed perfectly fine. He may have been a jerk, but he did go out of his way to help her even if she was a jerk right back.

Rose had never connected with a person like this before, it was strangely different. He was different, but there were many reasons as to why he was. Despite who he was and what the year apparently had been, Oliver was someone who seemed one of a kind. He was the only person she had opened up to in a long, long time. He understood her pain and shared his own. She truly needed that more than she could have ever known.

The man before her just seemed to zone out for a moment after he brought those memories back into his mind, he seemed distant for a moment.

Though he was immediately brought right back into reality the moment he felt a pair of slender arms around him. Oliver tensed, his eyes wide as his body froze. He didn’t know how to react, he was rather awkward in his reaction.

“W-What are you doing?” He asked Rose with slight nervousness to his voice, it seemed like he had never been embraced before..or at least not for a very long time.

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” She replied with a bit of an attitude that contradicted her current actions. Her chin rested on his shoulder as her arms rested gently around his own.

“Why?” He asked, his body still so tense.

“Because you need it..” Rose’s voice softened, she needed it too.

That caused something to ping in Oliver’s cold heart, he didn’t understand what it was. He sighed for a moment before his own hands slowly came up to very lightly wrap around Rose’s petite frame, it seemed like he was afraid to touch her. His body slowly relaxed as he closed his eyes, either of the two just embraced each other for that small moment.

Oliver was the first one to end up pulling away, just looking into her eyes for a moment before he moved back to give her space.

“..You should get some sleep, you know.” The young man said as he then pushed himself up off of the floor. Oliver’s voice was much, much softer than before, it seemed his attitude had completely changed for that moment in time.

It was a sudden move for Rose, her eyes blinked a few times as she watched him quietly.

He proceeded to walk over to the closet tucked away in the corner, taking a few blankets out. He walked back over to the couch and offered a folded one to Rose before using two others to stretch out on the living room floor.

He kicked off his combat boots and blew out some of the candles other than the two on the coffee table, allowing the two youngsters to still be able to see each other. And then he stretched out on the makeshift bed. It wasn’t comfortable by any means, but it would work for just that night.

“My name’s Oliver, by the way.” His voice was quiet and somewhat gentle now as he forced his tired eyes closed.

Rose just sat back with wide eyes, laying back on the couch as she sighed and looked over at the man barely illuminated by the candles. This was just crazy, she thought. She couldn’t believe any of this was real.

“I’m Rose..” She gave her name in just above a whisper. She looked across the room at Oliver for a moment, his back faced her. It was finally quiet, and everything set in for a moment. The soft sound of crickets chirping could be heard as the candles lightly flickered.

Finally, she closed her eyes, and the world before her just seemed to fade away…

After that day, days passed with ease and it seemed like everything was going to be okay.

Her worries had withered away, for the most part, 1843 didn’t seem so bad. Phones weren’t a thing, no Netflix, no Twitter, no Snapchat. But how much did she really need those things, anyway? She was more than thankful for Oliver letting her stay with him, and they had grown to be rather good friends, being here and being able to start over gave her a new perspective on life. Maybe thoughts of her father did cross her mind, but all she could think about was him being drunk out of his mind. A part of her thought that he was too drunk to even notice her disappearance.

It was early in the afternoon, and Oliver had just returned back to the small cottage. Rose knew he had gone out to pickpocket, and though she never agreed with it, he was excellent at it and never managed to get caught.

Rose just found herself sitting by a window, looking out of it as she drew the scene outside onto a small piece of paper with a pencil. Her head turned towards the door as Oliver arrived inside the cabin, putting down his bag onto the small table where the candles still resided.

“You don’t strike me as much of an artist, love.” He said to Rose with that smirk on his face as he walked over to her. His arm gently rested around her shoulders as he looked down at what she had done. “You’re not bad.”

“Thanks.” She showed a small smile to him before he pulled away and proceeded to get something from his bag. Her eyes looked back over at him as he hid the object behind his back.

“..What is that?”

Oliver came closer to her and crouched down, looking up at her with that gentle gaze.

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?” Rose raised an eyebrow.

He only shook his head and took one of her hands. “Trust me.”

With a sigh escaping her, the girl hesitantly closed her eyes. “Okay..?”

Oliver gently placed the object down onto the floor for a moment before taking either of her hands and bringing them out towards himself. The man then brought the item up and gently placed it into Rose’s hands. She could feel the lightweight and the thin cloth covering it, and finally, her eyes opened. In her hands was a small porcelain doll, it had curly brunette hair with a light blue dress that was fit for a ball. She stared at it for a moment as her heart melted at the sight, her entire expression had softened. Even her eyes had begun to gloss over with tears.

“” Rose couldn’t remember the last time she had gotten a doll. It made her emotional on the spot and reminded her of how much she missed how her family was.

“Please don’t tell me you took this from a kid..” She said with a soft chuckle, Oliver even smiled.

“N-No..No, no. I bought it. It reminded me of you, Rose.” Oliver himself chuckled, it was the most heartwarming sound. His genuine smile was one of the rare sights she could die for, it seemed they made each other happier than ever. Perhaps this was a calling of fate for them to meet, she couldn't think of any other reason why they ended up together.

“It’s beautiful..” She whispered to him as some tears managed to escape from her eyes. Her arms wrapped around him in another embrace. Oliver didn’t freeze up this time, he smiled as his arms wrapped up around her much more securely than the last time.

“Like you.” He spoke up, leaving Rose’s heart to flip out of her chest. The girl sat back for a moment to just face him with a shocked expression, he only showed that gentle smile to her in return. For a moment the two seemed to move closer and closer towards each other before a distant sound of yelling could be heard. 

Oliver paused and got up to look out the window, the color practically draining from his caramel skin as he shut the curtains over them.

“It’s the police.” He spoke out, looked down as his heart had dropped further than the ground could reach. 

Silence began to fill the cottage once more. 

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11 Reviews

Points: 17
Reviews: 11

Sat Oct 02, 2021 6:58 am
saadamansayyed wrote a review...

Hello, LizzyDear! Here's me with another review.

A very warm welcome to this wonderful story-world we call Young Writer's Society. Hope you have a ton of fun and write a bunch of stuff. That being said, let's get started.

I do not read a lot of romantic stories, because it is just a bit boring for me. Way too cheesy, you know? :D

Anyways, I read quite a few pieces of science fiction and fantasy, in-fact it is actually my favorite genre. So, this was really interesting to me. my least-read genre blended with my favorite.

We start out with a pretty devastated Rose. And you have made me think and feel deeply. Your writing has evoked my emotions here. I'm invested into this character, because she is in pain. In grief. And you've sold me on the protagonist in the first three lines. That is pretty good. You've basically written something that your readers can connect with and someone who they want to root for.

The running away paragraph does border on a cliché. The cliché that is the heavy rains. The illumination that came with lightning striking the woods. That sense of fear. And, while it teeters on the edge of making me cringe, it isn't as bad. Again, I haven't read a lot of romance or this breed of teen fiction, so I apologize if I'm way off what it should be. Please take what is useful from this review to you and your storytelling process, and discard all else.

I'd assume that the strike of lightning is supposed to be the moment where this continuity forwards/recedes and we have her as a time traveler. Now, not to be pretentious, but I'd like to know what mechanics were at play. Is this a special type of lightning? Is she dead? How does the lightning work? Does, in this world, a person struck by lightning go to some randomized (or pre-decided) location but is said to be dead/missing? Can one make contact with the other? Lets say that the girl time-traveled to the year 2012. Can she still text her parents (considering charging ports and text still existed)? How does this text reach somebody else? Please let me know what's the lore here.

So, we're introduced to CHARACTER 2. Considering how he speaks, I'd assume she is back in time 80 years. Maybe a hundred? This seems to be the love interest here. A handsome boy with a cocky voice and playful look. This is awfully cliché and I genuinely feel that we need a more flawed love interest. You made a good character, I just feel that this sort of character is overused when it comes to creating a love interest for your female protagonist. A nerd who has a weird fixation. An outcast and a prankster who looks and feels like a 200-year-old Ed, Edd and Eddy. That is the sort of character that could've matched with our hurt protagonist. No doubt our main character comforts her and makes her happy, but, an outcast would give the true confidence and support to another outcast is what my thought process said.

So, the young man is a crook, eh? Well, I do see some parallels forming with the 2010 Disney movie Tangled, which is an adaptation of Rapunzel. The dynamic which forces the girl to run away are much different but there are plot archetypes and character archetypes that remind me of that film. I must appreciate how balanced the story feels between its structures. It balances a classic romance and modern fantasy very well, which is a bit off when it comes to Tangled. Your story does a great job on focusing on our main characters' emotional and personal dilemmas, while addressing their relationship with equal care. I like balanced stories (if they choose to work with multiple themes like yours), so good job.

BRB, I will edit this review later after more reading.

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LizzyDear says...

Omg hi!! Ok so with the random Time Travel theme in the story, this was actually a project for an English class. I have never actually written anything like this before as I am usually writing romance pieces, so all the lightning stuff was just a random thing I made up to get to where I wanted in the story, I couldn%u2019t actually think of another way to get her to go back in time than that, honestly. This was just an entirely new jump into a different genre for me, and I think it%u2019s just a bit obvious that I%u2019m just really sure what I%u2019m doing in that aspect haha. But thank you sooo much, that means a lot to me! I did actually receive a 100 grade for this, but honestly I don%u2019t think my teacher actually read this thirteen-page paper! :,)

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519 Reviews

Points: 37150
Reviews: 519

Fri Oct 01, 2021 12:56 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey!! Forever here with a tiny review!

Welcome to YWS! Hope you have a great time here. Now to the story. The story was a good one and made me wonder about a lot of things.

First and foremost, what was exactly the purpose of time travel in the story? We don't really know but I guess the purpose was a deep one. Like maybe you wanted to show that past people were much more open hearted and better than the present? This interpretation can be very wrong though. Or maybe you just wanted to show us that social medias have taken our lives from us? I inferred this from the fact that she recalled all those social medias and then didn't feel their use. So, that actually meant they are kind of useless. Was that the only reason why you made her time travel? Seems so.

Okay now to the lightning. If you are being scientific, then after lightning strikes the body of an individual, that person instantly dies, as far as I know. From thay view point, I do have a feeling that this time travel actually happened after death. Was it some sort of time travel when a person travels to the past after death and sees their ancestors or something like that? The person would not randomly time travel, I guess. There should be some sort of back story. If you take life after death into account, maybe her mother wished it and that's why that miraculous lightning. We don't really know about it. You have to provide details about it, at least hints from which we can understand the truth.

With the characters, Rose and Pliver share some common characteristics that helped them to understand each other much more easily tgan people without similarities would have understood. First of all, the parents of both of them died except Rose's father. Both of them escaped. I think both of them had an attitude which they showed in the first case and as the story progressed, they confessed their real nature to each other.

Something which I really want to know is the setting of the story. In a story like this, it's important to state where the story's taking place especially when you are dealing with past. It actually helps the reader to get a better view and imagination of the conditions of the time. I don't know but that bread stealing part reminded me of Les Misérables written by Victor Hugo. That takes place on 1815-32 in Paris. So, it can be a thing like the father stole the bed in that time period. A lot of odd things used to happen at that time.

Now I wonder about two things. First, how Rose is going to come back to 2021? Does she even wants to come back? Secondly, I wonder about the fate of Oliver. Like how he is going to escape? I guess the police saw him on the way to the place. And if he is caught, what will be his charges? I seriously don't think that the police will believe that he didn't kidnap Rose, even if she herself tells it. That was a good ending there which makes the reader read much more and find out what happens next. I guess this story is not going to continue but if you do continue it, please tag me.

Keep Writing!!


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LizzyDear says...

Hi! I apologize for the late reply, but I totally forgot I posted this :,) This was actually a writing project for my English class, we had to write a Time Travel Story and this is what I ended up coming up with! I am mainly a romance writer hence the romantic aspect of the story, though like I%u2019ve said in a reply before, it%u2019s a tiny bit obvious that I have never gone into a science fiction-ish genre like this before, so I struggled. I actually really ended up liking the piece due to the interaction between the characters, which is why I posted it to get other opinions on it as my teacher totally didn%u2019t read it. I guess it was too long, idk! Nonetheless, I envisioned the story to take place mid-Victorian era with the city being inspired by 1800%u2019s Baltimore in America. Oliver is basically a really talented and intelligent crook who does his own thing, but like always, there%u2019s always somebody whose got to see him and recognize his face, and I guess perhaps somebody recognized him when he bought the doll for Rose and sent police his way. Rose finds herself no longer wanting to live her life, so basically she got the wish she wanted and gained another one in whatever way. This could totally continue, though it only ended so abruptly because I had already written thirteen pages and if I didn%u2019t end it, there%u2019s no telling how long the story would be. I actually have a following on Wattpad writing Romance which is also why I posted this on here before I posted it on there, I just felt like I needed opinions other than my own. :) Thank you so much!!

I totally get it. My stories sometimes become magnificent. It's quite difficult for a person to write out of genres. Um... Idk you could just write on romance that used to happen back at that time(I guess there were quite some differences)and a few more things that differ hugely from now. Maybe you could travel to a historical war that the character wondered about and set a love story there. xD those were somw random ideas inside my brain. :)

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LizzyDear says...

I could honestly try, that doesn%u2019t sound bad at all! I%u2019ve been so busy, I just haven%u2019t had time to really get to sit down and write like I used to be. I actually do have a story in mind about a rich girl and a poor boy who fall in love, but suddenly the boy gets drafted to war and throughout that time, the girl falls ill. Because of this, her parents who don%u2019t agree with the relationship hide the incoming letters from boy along with not informing him of the girl%u2019s state. I have it made where it starts right when the boy comes home and that%u2019s when everything goes down. It%u2019s a mess, but it%u2019s my main thought right now. Perhaps when I get a draft down, I could post it on here! ^-^

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96 Reviews

Points: 83
Reviews: 96

Tue Sep 28, 2021 4:25 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

This was an interesting story about finding family.It’s beautiful,yet sad to think that living in the 1800s would be better for Rose than living in her time period.I was just thinking,does she have anyone that misses her back in 2021? What about women’s rights,because that didn’t exist back then.There was a lot of discrimination back in the day.I’m excited to see if this story will continue and where it will head off to.Good job and have a lovely day/night.

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