Hey there.
I skipped over reading a couple of these because I didn't like the feel to them. I see that you were deciding to go with a series that had titles counting down, and I guess it would mean more to me if I had known the reasoning. Titles hold a lot of emotion to the text and link into the bigger picture, so it's left somewhat lacking when there's no explanation of the series. There's a hipster vibe to the numbered titles and trying to keep a sort of series together, and there's also that feel extending to the writing that I've seen in your style.
I say hipster poetry because you seem to be another person who is a big fan of the pretty word choice, and the focus is majorly shifted to that. I do love word choice that has a lot of effort behind it but I really need to see it put into good execution. If you just have these words slapped onto a page and barely pieced together, they're not going to go anywhere. The reader isn't going to be the one reaching out, putting the pieces together and keeping the emotion rolling for themselves. Choose whatever words you like, but please choose them for the right reason.
And the word choice also gives off such a dramatic world view, where the speaker just thinks everything is going wrong for them. I can be sure that you were going for that but again, it's not speaking to the right part of the audience. It's just speaking to this focal group who might understand what's happening in this relation, but all I see is imagery focused on some pretty colors and plastic pop culture.
So uh sorry for that but I feel like there could be less going on in this poem.
Decide where you want it to go before you write it.
Happy revmo.
- lizz
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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