Young Writers Society

The second line is a very nice image. I like the idea of sttic (which is audio) opening up (which is visiual). It is slightly incongruous, but I like it. A suggestion: don't break lines in the middle of preposiitonal phrases. It is jarring, and I don't think you want it to be. Don't end lines with "of" or "from". I really like the image of the empty pockets and reasons for them. To make it stronger and fit better into the meter of the poem, I would recommend removing the parenthesis and moving "and phone booths" to a line by itself. As it is, the line is longer than the others in the poem. The parenthesis also make the phone booths an afterthought and make it seem less important than the wishing wells. You want to close with something strong, not an afterthought. Moving it to its own lone would strengthen it.

When I read "[and phone booths]" I started thinking about that song by Death Cab for Cutie called Phonebooths. And this poem reminded me of it. I must say, Brad. Your style has changed, but it's for the better. You seem to be a lot more literal though.

*grins* There's our talented Braddy! Love this darling. Shows your style and your emotions and.. I absolutely love it. Wow. Reading it again takes my breath away. *smiles*

'controlled words loll around
empty static opens up
an unchartered frontier of
loneliness.'

:shocked:

Whatever happened to our on-the-brink-of-mediocrity, I-make-out-with-dead-people Brad?

Who's this sudden poetic genius?

To heck with mensa...