Untitled Prologue

by LittlePetRock

Published June 2, 2010

I've slowly been putting this together for quite some time. I haven't exactly figured out how to bring out the MC. But here is the antagonist's beginning.

Dim candlelight scintillated off the rocks as chants filled the midnight air. Tall trees stood in silence as dark figures dressed in black robes encircled an altar. A tall looming figure dressed in a red cloak stood in front of the altar, the woman’s chanting turned into screams as the blade in her hand sliced through her arm. Blood oozed out of the gash into a chalice, already part full of the animal sacrifice’s blood. After the chalice was filled, the woman partook of the liquid,

“If any man stand before us, may the lord smite him with great vengeance!” she began to chant.

The woman passed the chalice to the figure behind her, whom also sipped from the cup, and began chanting. When everyone partook of the cup, the woman lit a sacrificial bowl on fire. She placed the animal sacrifice--a rat--into the fire. Red and orange flames engulfed the lifeless body. The flames reflected off of a wrought iron inverted pentagram.

“Oh great god of the universe, we bring our alms to you. We bring our lives to you, as a living sacrifice.” the people chanted. The woman sat a headdress in resemblance of a goat atop of her head.

“Great and mighty Lucifer, we come to you tonight for guidance and great power,” her voice erupted from the mask. Several minutes of chanting continued as the rat’s body burned.

They all continued with their chants, prayers, and spells for several minutes.

“Tonight,” the woman ripped the mask off.

“I ask that you take my heart, my body, and my soul, all for your use, one-hundred percent of my days on earth!”

The woman’s body lurched, and fell to the ground. Her body shook and her soft hazel eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her joints contorted and buckled. What sounded like several insect-like voices came from her mouth,

“So mote it be!”

Her body levitated above the altar, and fell with great force upon the burning flames, her red robe caught on fire. Two of the bystanders pulled her body to safety, ripping the red cloak from her.

“Asmodeus?!” one of the participators covered her quivering naked body with a robe. Her eyes still white, and her body continued to shake.

“What do we do?” the person holding her asked.

Asmodeus’ spine arched, and she collapsed to the ground. What once were hazel eyes, were now black as night.

“Asmodeus?”

The woman’s eyes glared at the person, the boy began to quiver, he grabbed his head and fell to the ground, writhing in pain.

A low monstrous growl came from her throat, as she began to stand up.

“The Asmodeus you speak of is gone, the real Asmodeus is now here. I will unleash my powers upon all of you, as I am directed by my father, Satan.”

As if a pulse, the small group of people fell to the ground; nightmares clouded their minds, all of them began to flee in terror.

A small smile broke on Asmodeus’ face, and she disappeared into the fog.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Mr.Knightley
Review
Mr.Knightley wrote a review Review · Jun 7, 2010

Hi! Sorry for the late review.

Mmm...Timmy likey. I love reading stuff like this, when some character is possessed by demons, and you get all scared. For a prologue, it's a little short, only a few paragraphs, and it's more like an excerpt from the climax of the story. Don't be afraid to expand on this and add a little more detail. :D

Wait a secondly second...You should make this the climax of your story! I know it's awesome as it is, but if you put this part into the very middle of your story, the rest of the plot would fall into place. :D Dew eet!

-Timmay

User avatar
callmeLily73
Review
callmeLily73 wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2010

Your prologue is very foreshadowing and leaves me wanting more, I love it! You leave the reader on a very confusing cliff hanger! Write more! quickly!! And don't forget to name your story!!! :D
Keep on writing!!,
- Lillian <3 ( there are to many Lily's in this world now, I must be different!!)

User avatar
silentpages
Review
silentpages wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2010

Couple punctuation mistakes...

'After the chalice was filled, the woman partake of the liquid' Partook.

The group fell to the ground, and then they began to flee? How? Did they get up and run away, or did they weakly try to crawl away through the dirt?

This is pretty well-written, and it promises to be a dark, exciting story. ^^ I like it. :)



Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson