My love has taken a roll
Grab a hold and never let go
Done the best to make you believe
I could be the best that you ever see
Made you believe
That you are the best
The one that I'll never forget
You're stuck in my head
My love has taken a roll
Grab a hold and never let go
Done the best to make you believe
I could be the best that you ever see
Baby please don't go
You got to know
Look at me now
I could just say,"wow,"
My love has taken a roll
Grab a hold and never let go
Done the best to make you believe
I could be the best that you ever see
That you'll ever see
The best side of me
Look at me now
Pulling the plow
My love has taken a roll
Grab a hold and never let go
Done the best to make you believe
I could be the best that you ever see
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,826 Reviews
Hi there LittleNova, it's Gymnast2801 here with a review for The Black Cat Squad!
Just so you know, I will put my overall thought of your poem at the end of this review because I will be reviewing as I read. So...let's get reviewing!
- Baby please don't go
You got to know
Look at me now
I could just say, "wow" -
Okay, so I don't really feel that 'I could just say, "wow"' is really for information. It feels like you kind of put it there to get a rhym in. I feel like this who section could be re done or fixed up to be a bit better.
Okay, overall thought.
Uhh, overall I'd say your poem is all right. I think there's definitely room to improve, but hey, we're all here to learn and get better right? I think a few times you go a bit too off-topic to get in a rhym but because your whole poem isn't a rhym, I think your fine without it. But I liked how you kept a flow up to the few off-topic spots (there was really only one biggish one, which I pointed out) and I hope you keep working at writing!
Keep on writing!
-Gymnast2801 for The Black Cat Squad.
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/im ... 60k129.jpg
Hello, InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!
I think your poem/song has a lot of potential, but as it is right now, it is a little bland. Try to avoid cliches as they make your poem corny and not very captivating to your readers. You want to grab their attention and keep it until the very end. Try experimenting with your vocabulary. Be more descriptive, use better words. Right now, your vocabulary is pretty elementary, and what imagery you did use is weak.
Oh, come on. I'm sure you can do much better than this. I know you were just trying to hold onto your rhyme scheme, but don't force it or you'll reduce your poem/song to corniness.
I think these lines would read better like this:
[quote] I've done the best to make you believe
I could be the best that you've ever seen
Overall, it's pretty good, but it could be improved by putting a little more thought into your descriptions and the way you word your lines. If a rhyme scheme can't develop naturally, then don't worry about it. Poems and songs don't have to rhyme anyway. If you can't develop a rhyme scheme that doesn't sound forced, it's better to just not have one.
Anyway, I think you're off to a great start. I liked your song and I hope you write more of them. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Just a brief review.
I really liked the rhyming scheme of it. I can actually see it being a song or a little jingle.
Key points you should take note of :
1) I noticed you haven't punctuated any of your sentences. I'm not sure if that was the way the lyrics had to be written, but you should have punctuated the sentences so that they would have flown better.
2) "My love has taken a roll
Grab a hold and never let go
Done the best to make you believe
I could be the best that you ever see"
I'm figuring those lines are the chorus, correct?
However, I think it should have read :
"My love has taken a toll, grab a hold.
Don't let go
Done the best to make you believe, that I could be the best you've ever seen"
3)"Baby please don't go
You got to know
Look at me now
I could just say,"wow,"
I know that you were trying to stick to the rhyming scheme, but don't be so corny. Try not to over rhyme your sentences.
You seem like you are a pretty good lyricist. with some practice, you can be a whole lot better. Don't stop writing!
-M.