Published September 6, 2011
A poet with much potential
Who’s thoughts; highly influential
If only she gave herself time
To think through every little rhyme
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I’m Just waiting,
Waiting for the paint to dry,
For the grass to grow,
For the seasons to change.
I’m waiting.
For the birds to fly off my screen,
And glide right into my shattered heart.
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Let’s Dress Up today.
Dress for the sun,
Dress for the moon,
Dress for the green grass,
Dress for the poetic rain,
Dress for everything, and dress for nothing,
But life is too injudicious to not have fun.
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Canary word: Present
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140,788 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Heya!
I really enjoyed you're first poem, the way it rhymed and flowed together, I could tell what you meant and how much soul you put into it... the second one on the other hand, i didn't enjoy as much, It didn't seem to flow as much and the lines "Waiting for the paint to dry , For the grass to grow" was slightly cliched. The last one my sister thought was the best... she writes:
"Loved the last one! You are so right it is too injudicious to not have fun!"
Love,
EvensLilyxxx
Hello there!!!
First off, I like the the style of your writing. It's clean but it still makes me imagine what you're writing about, which is a good thing.
I'm going to critique the poems seperately, starting with the one I liked best.
This was my favorite. Sometimes it seems like the only thing I can ever do is wait, because the things that I genuinely want to do are out of my reach just because of my age. That's probably why I like this poem so much; I can identify with it very easily. The last two lines are my favorite part. I'm not sure if the 'J' in the first line should be capitalized; perhaps you meant to leave it that way, though.
This is my second favorite. It's only because I liked the first one so much that this one came in second place. I love the idea of this poem. The only part that confuses me is the part about the 'poetic rain'. I'm not quite sure exactly what that is. It sounds pretty, though.
To tell the truth, this poem is just okay to me. It seems broken down and doesn't flow as well as I'd like. I'm not even sure that I like the idea of what you're trying to say. Well, let me be more clear. I like the idea of the first two lines, although the punctuation is off; I'm not too fond of the third and fourth lines. I think that sometimes poetry should be left raw; in many ways, that's when it's at its best. At least, that's how I feel about it.
All in all, you have some awesome material here!! Great work! Keep writing!