Published September 30, 2011
The sky is so pretty.
Light baby blue.
Cloud climbing cloud,
Like stacked mattresses.
With majestic green trees,
Standing tall to the sky,
Blue and green twirl as one,
As they dash through the air.
Together they create peace.
The sky is so dark,
With but a streak of light.
One giant cloud stands.
Covering the rest,
Like a warm blanket.
The tall trees cower,
Away from the angered sky.
No matter how fierce.
They still create peace.
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I love this poem just about as much as I love clouds, which is a LOT.
I just have a few suggestions to make.
To me, it seemed like dash just didn't quite fit into the context here. You were talking about blue and green twirling together through the air, and I could almost see it in my head, but then the word dash just kind of broke the image apart. It just left me slightly confused as to what you were trying to convey.
Sorry, I just jumped back up a bit, here. I also went back and compared the first lines of each of the stanzas, and I felt that the word pretty didn't quite fit in there either. You said the clouds were dark, and I could see that, but maybe you could use a more descriptive word to help create a better colored image versus pretty. Do you get what I'm trying to say? Sorry if I'm just confusing you.
Otherwise, I did like this poem, as it was very well written. Keep writing!!
neat poem
i like how you compared the 2 different types of skys 
I liked this poem. It was really nice, the comparison between the two skies. The bad and good. I liked the use of metaphors you had in there. I think that maybe you could've expanded this a bit. Made it rhyme, or say how the people are like the skies, some good or bad or something. I think your poem is really nice, but maybe a bit too simple? A poem is a poem, but to make it memorable it needs to be slightly unique. Something of its own.
But I still think this piece is really good. And your writing style is very impressive.
Great job!
Deanie x
I like this. Poetry with high contrasts do.
So what i liked:
1. The antonym that the poetry is based around. The calm, sweet blue sky, becoming a harsh, aggresive dark one. A beautiful transition.
2. The metaphors, similies and personification. The big 3, all in one!
3.The sheer creativity of it. Simple, but attractive, well done.
Possible improvements:
1. It would have been more impressive if it rhymed, but if prose poetry is your style, thats fine.
And to be honest with something like this, its too short to criticize heavily. You ruined all my fun! XD. But still, this is creative and a well described piece. Keep it up!