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Andrew here to review this chapter, and then hopefully the next! I really liked this chapter it was creepy, I felt for the main character, and I can feel the wider world at play. Coincidentally, the book I'm writing right now has a lot to do with creatures of the night and the dark world they inhabit, so I'm totally here for that idea!
My biggest complaint is that in a few places it felt rushed, and in others, I felt like our character's reactions seem a bit tepid for the situation.
But into specifics!

Siobhan was not looking forward to eating her pet rabbit.

The animal was of fine stock, bought under the walls of Tir Gyalek, greatest of the Seven Sunlit Cities. His fluffy coat was like spun silver. A beautiful creature in an ugly world.

But they had run out of food, and after the events of the previous night, Siobhan’s father did not dare venture into the woods in search of prey. He didn’t fear for his life so much as he worried about Siobhan.

The sixteen year old girl crooned softly to the rabbit as her father sharpened his knife. It was a normal knife, of course. Siobhan and her father were too poor to afford an Infused weapon.

“We must work quickly,” Taige warned her now, setting aside the whetstone. “The blood will draw the worst out of the woods.”

Siobhan nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She pressed her face to the warmth of the rabbit, cursing the world for taking him from her. He was just a baby. She hadn’t even come up with a good name for him. Worst of all, she had bought him as a gift for her brother.

But her stomach ached with a deep hunger, and she knew they didn’t have a choice.

Father gestured at her. She kissed the rabbit, then held him tightly with one hand as she reached for a leather bag. The rabbit would be skinned quickly and dropped inside. They would wash their hands, then flee from the site. Hopefully,/b] they’d be long gone before the creatures of the night [b]scentedblood.

Taige was generally a hard-faced man, but there was a softness in his eyes as he reached for the rabbit. Siobhan sobbed once. Then she handed the little bundle of warmth over.

Father adjusted the tiny moonstone lamp, then sighed and wrapped his arms around the rabbit’s neck.

Then he froze, staring out at something behind Siobhan. His eyes widened with shock and fear.

“Child. Get behind me. Very slowly."

Siobhan heard the urgency in his voice and did as she was told, not daring to look back. Whatever frightened her father would terrify her.

He let go of the rabbit but held tightly to the knife. “Take the moonstone. When I tell you to, run as fast as you can. Spinster’s Grot isn’t too far from here. Just follow the road. Whatever you do, don’t wander into the woods.”

The rabbit snuggled into her arms, lending her a pang of comfort. She forced herself to look up at what he was seeing.

A Weeper. The creature’s heavy, cowled cloak slithered as it made its way directly towards them. It was obvious that it had seen the pair.

From beneath the weighted darkness of its cowl came a faint sobbing. Pearly tears, glowing sickly white, fell occasionally to splatter on the ground, but it would know no remorse when it feasted on their warm flesh.

Siobhan was conscious of a warm trickle down her legs. Run? Father knows that’s a lie. We’re both going to die tonight.

So she trembled and waited for death to take her.

The child-sized figure stopped some distance from them. The weeping subsided, and Siobhan heard a heavy sniff. It was smelling the air.

But why? It had already caught track of their scent. At this distance, it had probably seen them as well.

Then it hissed, and came rushing towards them.

Siobhan wailed in terror, clutching at her father’s rigid waist as he lifted his dagger in a futile defence.

It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t even kissed anyone yet. She hadn’t lived.

No one did in this shadowed hell, but she took small comfort in that.

Before the Weeper reached them, a flash of light streaked across its path and it stopped dead.

Then it caught on fire.

Shrieking in agony, it flailed wildly at the dancing white flames. As it spun and toppled over, Siobhan could see an arrow sprouting from its back. The Weeper’s body turned to ash around it, leaving an arrowhead that appeared to be made of black glass.

Father and daughter stared at the pile of ash wordlessly, before looking in the direction the arrow had come from.

The shadows shifted, and a tall boy emerged from the woods, holding a short bow and wearing a quiver at his waist.

Taige lifted the moonstone lamp to illuminate his face. “Thank…” his voice faltered.

The light showed a bronze-skinned boy of Siobhan’s age, clad in complete black. Shaggy black hair fell in a careless tumble around his face, stopping a little below his ears. His eyes were pale blue.

nd they glowed faintly.

A Crow.

Taige swallowed audibly, but continued nonetheless. “Thank you for your timely intervention, err… sir.”

“Save it,” came a raspy reply, hoarse from lack of use. “There are a dozen more Weepers in the area.”

A dozen? Siobhan felt faint. “How- how do we get past them?”

“You don’t. Get rid of the damned light, it hurts my eyes.”

Father hastily did as he was told, shoving the glowing moonstone into a bag. Siobhan blinked in the darkness.

“What do we do, then?” she whispered.

“There’s a shelter close by,” came the answer. “It’s lined with torchblooms. You’ll be safe there for the night. Follow me.” Without waiting, he turned away and stepped off the road, plunging in a darkness so thick and black it looked like tar.

Taige and Siobhan hesitated for a moment. Then Father nodded at her and grabbed their things, and she remembered one of her mother’s sayings.

Crows may be black as night, but they are true shadows cast by light.

Together, holding hands tightly, father and daughter stepped into the inky murk.

Talk about hooking the reader right away from the first sentence! I see you received some nice reviews so I will only talk about how much I enjoyed everything about this chapter. First, I adore to no end a good horror/fantasy read. Also, crows are one of my favorite animals so to include one is a win-win for me right of the bat! I enjoyed the imagery too. Basically, when is chapter 2 coming out?

Hey! I have to say this really had me hooked! I'm saying this as someone who loves these types of stories, they always make me sit at the edge of my seat, waiting to see what happens next!

I also like how much action there was only in the first chapter. Action is one way to catch attention quickly. But I hope that we can get an explanation on some of the creatures that are there like "weepers" I'd like to know more about them and what they do.

But other than that I really enjoyed this story and can't wait to read more!

Hello! Saw this in the Green Room, a first chapter, yay!

Great opening line. It hooks the reader straight away.

Some more description of their surroundings would be helpful. I wasn't sure where abouts the characters were. I'm guessing they're outside somewhere considering there is no description of a building... but the complete lack of description makes it hard to place the scene.

The switch between 'Taige' and 'Father' reads a but awkward. As it is written in third person, it seems odd that the narrator is naming him 'Father.'

Again, with the scene where the Weeper appears, I can't really picture it because I don't know the surroundings. How did it sneak up on them? I'm guessing it came from the woods because it is mentioned that's where the monsters come from, but it would be cool and much more effective if we could see this Weeper in relation to everything else.

Also, I'm guessing Siobhan has been in similar situations before, considering how natural her father talks about the things in the woods - and she knew right away what a Weeper was, so it seemed odd for her to mention that she had never been kissed and immediately just accepted that she was going to die. I figured she would at least have some survival instincts considering how grim the world is.

Overall, I'm very intrigued by the story but I think it needs some tweaking and fleshing out. Can you let me know when the next chapter is up?

Wow a great start to a horror/fantasy story I was pretty hooked. I'm not really a writer so I don't have anything to critique but everything seems good to me and I don't see any issues with how this was written. The tension in the story was great especially during this scene,

"Then he froze, staring out at something behind Siobhan. His eyes widened with shock and fear.

“Child. Get behind me. Very slowly.”

Siobhan heard the urgency in his voice and did as she was told, not daring to look back. Whatever frightened her father would terrify her.

He let go of the rabbit but held tightly to the knife. “Take the moonstone. When I tell you to, run as fast as you can. Spinster’s Grot isn’t too far from here. Just follow the road. Whatever you do, don’t wander into the woods.”

The rabbit snuggled into her arms, lending her a pang of comfort. She forced herself to look up at what he was seeing.

A Weeper. The creature’s heavy, cowled cloak slithered as it made its way directly towards them. It was obvious that it had seen the pair."

This first chapter does it's job in getting the reader engaged in the story and having an interest in it's story.