The wrong seasons

by Litehawk

Published August 11, 2010

The summer has lately gotten colder,
And the winter is shockingly warm,
And autumn gets a little bit brighter,
And spring without one single storm.
-
The Earth's mood must be going crazy,
Or I've just gone out of my mind,
And that's when I look to the fridge door,
My calendar's six months behind.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
roon
Review
roon wrote a review Review · Aug 11, 2010

I don’t think that’s entirely fair, because poems can be light-hearted too, it just may not be your thing.

The summer has lately gotten colder,
And the winter is shockingly warm,
And autumn gets a little bit brighter,
And spring without one single storm.


Okay, I wouldn’t say ‘shockingly‘, and the rhyme eats this verse up a little. The first line is oddly phrased, it feels like you should be saying gotten colder lately, but obviously that wouldn’t rhyme, could you think of another way to word this, or to rhyme the third line with it, otherwise just leave it, it‘s not an eyesore or anything. I think you could add another verse, it would benefit the poem, it feels short, and I want to hear more from it!

The Earth's mood must be going crazy,
Or I've just gone out of my mind,
And that's when I look to the fridge door,
My calendar's six months behind.


A good twist. I think you should end with an exclamation mark. The rhyme works well in this verse, and it flows really well.

I think it was sweet, I like reading things like this every now and again. If humour is your style, keep at it, don’t let other people put you off, after all some of the most memorable poems ever written have been funny. For example:

A gourmet dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too."


So, I hope this helps, if you ever need another review, just ask!

~Roon

User avatar
ariberry97
Comment
ariberry97 commented Comment · Aug 11, 2010

This poem seems like its not serious, and you got it from some joke website or something. Next time, make something more serious. I don't like this because its too short and not meaningful.



What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
— Albert Pines