The devil's image forms in my mind,
As he commandeers my thoughts.
My endless resistance proves to be futile,
As I willingly do what he's sought.
-
In the end I'm left with grief,
Resting my head in the flames,
Burning away my innocence,
Leaving my bright soul stained.
-
With a charred self image my paranoia grows,
And with every glimpse my shame overwhelms.
Every thought leaves my mind wanting death,
A slate cleaning move that will purify my realm.
-
My kingdom has been invaded,
For some random evil deed.
The satanic lust for joy
Has planted its wretched seed.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I really liked this poem. I've felt the same way and also tried to write about it but everything i write sounds sugar coated, cheesy, or they take too long to get to the point and jump around with out making a clear point. However, i thought yours was real, clear, and to the point. I also like how you rhymed, but didn't make it the full focus of the poem.
Well, this is certainly *ahem* different. To get on with the review!
At some point, I wondered if you were going for some sort of alternating rhyming scheme, but at other points, it seemed like there wasn't any rhyme at all. First stanza: "thought" and "sought" but not "mind" and "futile"? Second stanza: Okay, there wasn't any obvious rhyming, unless you count "flames" and "stained" because, spoken they sound alike, sorta. Third stanza, and so forth. So, I am thinking maybe you just couldn't find the right words to rhyme completely. OR MAYBE you weren't trying to rhyme at all, and I'm just crazy!
Altogether, I thought the poem was...interesting, if not my usual taste in prose. There were some good phrasings in there like:
It tickled me lyrically. I liked it.
This I also liked, despite being disturbing, and I think it has to do mostly with the shock factor. I like to be shocked every once in a while, it keeps my brain cells from getting complacent.
The overall message is dark and despairing, but despite all of that moroseness of giving into the devil, I enjoyed the read. I'd say mission accomplished. Perhaps the devil's getting to me too.