Published February 4, 2010
Tons of force into pristine
Make for a beautiful scene.
Mist rolls out of the chaos
Like the fog inside a dream.
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Crackling embers dance high
The orange mystics seem to fly.
The chaos that's yet to come
Will leave it's mark in the sky.
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The twisting wind becomes clear
But it starts to provoke fear.
The spiral winds up our world
And a new path will appear.
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Shooting stars carry a wish
Leave behind a terran dish.
The place which is our one home
Will soon be a lifeless ditch.
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Beautiful disasters aren't
What disastrous beauties are.
One is hidden mystery,
While the other leaves a scar.
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
I liked your poem overall but there a few things that you could do better
The chaos that's yet to come
Will leave it's mark in the sky.
These two lines, they don't really seem to flow very well. I often have the same problem.
just see if you can adjust the rhyme/rythm slightly to help the flow
also,
The twisting wind becomes clear
But it starts to provoke fear.
The spiral winds up our world
I would change one of the "winds" to something else because the repition makes it not as good as it could be
The last stanza is really nice and sums the poem up really well
I thought your imagery was really beautiful. I had to read this poem twice to understand what it was talking about. You have great rhymes, and the whole piece flows nicely. The only thing I might suggest is perhaps you might use different word choice for a terran dish, I see why you put it, but I didn't know what it was at first. Other than that I don't really see anything.