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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
As others are saying, the poem is great. I'd only like to point out (as previously said) that the meaning wasn't very relatable. I want to feel like I'm involved somehow. Make your future writing raw and powerful. You are on the right track.
Thank you
I appreciate it!
Hai LiseyLu.
This is a good poem, but there are a few things holding it back from its full potential. First of all, you used nice descriptive words, but some of them interrupted the song-like flow of this piece, like shoaib said.
Also, I didn't completely connect with it, the emotion wasn't completely there. It is a beautiful poem, but it's just missing a raw feeling.
Otherwise, I really liked this and your rhyme scheme was nearly perfect. Good job and keep writing!
~Cat
Thank you so much! Maybe I need to invest in a thesaurus
It's a nice poem. But I'd like to point out a few things:
For me, these disturbed the aura of the poem. This poem has a lot of potential and you need to get that out. Your flow, it's song-like and beautiful, just try to use your words better next time!
Keep writing!
Shoaib
Thank you so much! I'll work on it
Hey there! I'll be reviewing your poem today.
Oh welcome to YWS.
Overall Comments
I love your style, you are doing great with your verses flowing into each other. I don't see much grammar errors, which is very nice! You are a great poet, I hope you write some more in the near future. Personally, I think you can go into detail a lot more to show emotion in the poem.
Thank you for your time, have a great day!
~Whitewolfpuppy :3
Thank you! That means a lot! I'll be sure to put more emotion into my future poems