Published February 25, 2011
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139,546 Literary Works • 672,605 Reviews
Sad and hopeful. Lovely <3
I think the best part about it is the symbolism. (I love symbolism!) How it's shiny and new when the love is shiny and new, and broken when the love is broken, and kept when the love is kept. It's even shaped like a heart! Broken locket, broken heart. Aww.
Beautifully written! Simple, and to the point! I LOVED the last line!
Keep it up!
Yes, actually, it did happen to me. The poem is actually about my most recent break up.
i hope to collect lockets. But about the poem or whatever you call it. Amazing i like the soul of it. Did that happen to you not to be a nosy puss but i can tell that there is some raw emotion. Either that or you are a born actor.
Hey Lisa,
I think this poem could use some more details in the parts where you mention how the relationship went: the month during which the locket was given back, the year where they gave it a try, the break-up, what came after... As it is right now, you're only skimming over the surface in a way that, as a reader, I found very unsatisfying--I can't connect with those people because I don't know enough about them, because they could be anyone, are completely faceless, voiceless (the way I see it, this might actually work best as a series of poems each exploring the parts/facets of it a bit more in-depth, or a longer, more structured one, where you at least give more details so that we may have something to connect, hang on to).
You might also want to try steering away from the more overused images that pepper this, and watch out for punctuation use. You've got a couple extra commas dangling around, and they break the flow of the poem, which is already shaky enough.
Hope that helped.
Jag
First off, I'd like to say that I really admired the layout of your poem. It was very appealing to the eye. And although I don't prefer a small font, the way it was used here wasn't so bad. You made it seem like it was an easier piece of work to get through. You lessened the intimidation factor --not that there was any. Your poem to me was a pleasure to read. But I will point one thing out. This part here:
You say, when given to me twice, and this wouldn't be much of a problem had the line not been used so close together. I found it slightly distracting. But it wasn't that bad. Maybe if you took it out or replaced it with something else it would flow a lot nicer. But this is simply a thought. Overall great piece of poetry. I give it a thumbs up.
The Locket ~ A great peice, very straight forward and very well written. All in all it is a very good write and I enjoyed it.