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12+ Violence

The Ocean’s Herald

by LiquidRabbit


It was all so sudden, I remember the unceasing rain pounding against my eardrums whilst the old ship swayed violently. Suddenly, there was a blinding light and a deafening crack. I opened my eyes to see the mighty vessel ablaze in the malicious storm, and the crow’s nest descending towards me. 

I was too stunned to move when someone pushed me into a small lifeboat in the nick of time. Then I saw blood, scarlet and warm, seeping out from under the burning wreckage. I came to my senses and cut the boat loose, I felt as though I was flying for just a second before the painful impact of my head against the seat of the boat, which knocked me out.

When I awoke, I didn’t know where I was, and my palms were covered with dried maroon blood. My lips were cracked and dry, my limbs were in agony and my head was pounding. My throat was sore and my ears were still ringing, and it appeared I was stranded in the middle of the ocean.

But it seemed that i hadn’t forgot my backpack in the chaos, so not all hope was lost. I rummaged through it, yet most of its contents were destroyed in the storm. I managed to pull out some cracked jars full of wet cotton balls and one full of bandage rolls.

I found some rubbing alcohol and swiftly tended to my wounds to the best of my limited ability. Despite my mangled condition, I grit my teeth and focused on what would be best for my health.


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52 Reviews


Points: 557
Reviews: 52

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Tue Jan 19, 2021 11:11 pm
hannah0528 says...



Hi! Little late, but welcome to YWS! Hannah here for a quick review. I liked the stories descriptiveness, and its creativity but I have a few suggestions
1) It didn't have a solution
2) It should have been a bit longer
3) Maybe you should have developed more characters
Other than that, great job! I hope you had a happy New Year, that you stay safe, keep writing and have a great day!


Hannah




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Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:33 pm
LiquidRabbit says...



I’m still working on this piece, and it’s my first I’ve published. Thank you to all who’ve read so far!

-LiquidRabbit




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Fri Dec 11, 2020 7:32 pm
LiquidRabbit says...



I’m still working on this piece, and it’s my first I’ve published. Thank you to all who’ve read so far!

-LiquidRabbit




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22 Reviews


Points: 51
Reviews: 22

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Wed Dec 09, 2020 5:02 pm
cidrianwritersguild wrote a review...



We here at the Guild are slightly bewildered. We've read works such as this before and it provides the same kind of effect. You've not included enough detail, nary a name! It feels as though we've been dropped straight into the climax, left to fend for ourselves. We don't know what's happening, why's it's happening, who it's happening to, or indeed even when it is happening. And then the end feels very strange, in that it feels as though this was an attempt to launch someone directly into the action and then flashback a few days, but the reader has been left with just this excerpt. While this tale could undoubtedly be very interesting, as of this point, it simply feels rather confusing.

Sláinte

The Cidrian Writer's Guild




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7 Reviews


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Tue Dec 08, 2020 5:00 pm
YOUKNOWWHO wrote a review...



This is a pretty nice short story. There needs to be a little more detail.
In my opinion, the story rushes a little too fastly to the action. This short to me seems more like a prologue to a longer story.
And I'm pretty sure that ''I recall it as it happened exactly'' is bad grammar.
provide a little more of a beginning some background detail to the story.




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Mon Dec 07, 2020 7:00 pm
piyaliarchives wrote a review...



Is there something which happens after it, if then I would love to read it. It felt kinda unfinished and makes it seem only as a block of description. I would say that your descriptions are beautiful and really brought the picture in my mind while I read it. I would recommend to cut it into paragraphs as Hannah mentioned. The prose feels at a fast pace towards the end, tho I understand if it was for suspense. Anyway, you mentioned that it is part of a novel/chapter... I would like to read it too because this piece was very hooky :)




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52 Reviews


Points: 557
Reviews: 52

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Mon Dec 07, 2020 6:47 pm
hannah0528 wrote a review...



Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. I liked the stories descriptiveness, and its creativity but I have a few minor critiques.
1) This should have been separated into smaller paragraphs rather than one big one.
2) It should have been a bit longer.
3) Maybe you should have developed your character a little bit more
4) It should have been more, well, finished.
Anyway, good job! You are good at descriptive writing. I loved this a lot! Have a good day, Merry Christmas, and keep writing!


Hannah





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