Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy

E - Everyone Violence

Sapphire & Blood: Chapter 1.1

by Lionhero333

Winter was reaching its end. The days were still short and cold, damp and gray. In the Ring Islands, spring and summer were the best months for ship building, what they were known for. Cal dreamed of the day he would have his own and said the seas. No family banner on his sails, one of his own, crimson and black, emerald and gold? He thought of often, many ways for many to fear him. One day, he would want to ride the seas as a pirate. Plundering and raving with men under his own command, as his father did once. “Come now, follow the tracks.”, Valor whispered.

His dream would have to wait. Today, he would try to best his brother in hunting. Valor had already caught four rabbits and it had taken what seemed like hours to find another. Most of the time they went into the woods alone, outside the palace gates with no escorts. It was Cal’s favorite time, the youngest of four children, three boys and a girl, a boy born in peace, without a right of passage to manhood, his father would say. Perhaps he would get the chance soon, the thought often stirred like hot soup in his belly, they had received news months ago but father had yet to give his commands. In the mean time, Cal would do his best to train; with swords most days, he had even beaten Valor two times out of a hundred, and his archery was getting better almost always hitting his target. He had learned to not trust his eyes so much, his vision was somewhat blurry when things were far away, he trusted in something else instead.

“There…”, he whispered to himself. He saw a white rabbit moving in the snows. Fat with red eyes, it must’ve woke too early out of its hibernation. He nocked his arrow, with his brother in his ear. “Now relax… focus…”, Cal took in air and softly pushed it out. He took his time to aim, his chance was here and he did not want to waste it. The still cold air as fresh snow fell, “Hurry… don’t take too long.”, his brother said, Cal’s arm began to tire. Before it could fall he released the air. The sound of the arrow zipping through the air and the thump it made when it planted into a near tree knocked Cal out his trance. He looked as well as he could, his vision was not the best. He saw the rabbit, twitch and then… nothing. Blood drained from its body and on to the snow.

“Well done.”, his brother tapped him on the shoulder and smiled, “Go on.”, Cal had to retrieve his kill. It was an awkward thing, killing. It was hunting up until now, as he walked toward the creature, his steps shorter and shorter, until he almost trips over his own feet. Its eyes were open, death was nothing new, he had saw its affects on his grandfathers and his grandmothers, one of his uncles, and even another who death takes its sweet time with.

But this was his doing, his alone, the instrument from his own hand, animal and one day some day, man. He grabbed the arrow, being careful not to touch the body, he gripped and pulled tightly to get the arrow of the grooves. His heart raced as he tried to retrieve the arrow. After a moment he realized it was no use. He pulled the rabbit by its ears and tail until the arrow had gone all the way through. It was heavy in his hands. For an instant he thought of how fat it was and then remembered what his brother told him, “The body turns cold and hard, like ice…”, the fowl smell filled his nose and a taste in his mouth, “They also shit and piss themselves.”, he added. He nearly dropped the thing at that moment. He held it by its ears and continued back his brother. He placed the kill in his pouch and looked up beyond the naked branches. The sun was beginning to set.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
410 Reviews

Points: 196
Reviews: 410

Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:57 pm
View Likes
Eros wrote a review...

Wow man! It's a nice story you have written here!!

The chapter begins with Cal's dream to one day own the ships.... Not the ships inherited by his dad, and I like his ambition <3

Also I love how you told about his brother telling him the facts about the hunting and what all happens to the creature after death--- like the body becomes hard and cold and that they also shit and piss themselves. I like the overall hunting scene and the pirate thing was really gooood <3

I really enjoyed reading it!

Loved it!

Keep writing! Waiting for the next chapter, Oh also, forgot something more I like the last line, watching the sun set from the "naked" branches of the tree... a really beautiful description <3

Keep writing
Because we love to keep reading and keep reviewing!
Have a great day/ or night....!

With love,
From Eros. <3

Am waiting for the next chapterrrr!!!!!

User avatar
298 Reviews

Points: 1976
Reviews: 298

Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:06 pm
View Likes
Horisun wrote a review...

Good afternoon! Or whatever time it is when you read this!
It doesn't matter, because I'm here to review your work!

First of all, I just wanna say I really enjoyed this. I think you have set up a really interesting story, and I'm looking forward to where you will go with it!
I also thought you did the last paragraph really well. I think that it's a good way to establish Cals character.

I do have a few small critiques that you could implement well writing.
Now, I'm sure you've heard this one before, but showing rather than telling works in most cases.
For example, you tell us that Valor is Cals brother, (Which it is important to establish relationships) But before you spell it out for us (Pun very much intended) It's important to imply it first. You could include them joking, or discussing something before the rabbit is killed. And then you tell us they are brothers. Character development, and exposition in just one go.

Another thing to keep in mind, Whenever someone new speaks, it's very important to start a new paragraph. Larger ones can scare away readers. Formatting is also a good way to make certain lines more impactful than others!

Other than that, I really enjoyed this! There were a few small grammar and spelling errors here to there, but I'm not the best person to point those out!
Also, if you think all my advise is pointless... Don't worry, I do too XD
The most important thing to take away from this review is to keep on writing, and keep on improving (And have a great day!)

Random avatar
Lionhero333 says...

Thanks I really appreciate it

Horisun says...

No problem :D

Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore