Love You Forever

I enjoyed this

The last stanza is most powerful!

Beautiful. Although, it can be improved. I agree on what Hassan said by expressing complex feelings with simple words. I would recommend you look this over, and modify it.

If anything, I find this to be a beautiful first draft.

-PG

Well this is simply art. Being able to express ones complex feelings with such simple words. I mean even to the layman this poem would make sense. Indeed a topic such as love is recognised by all and relating to it shouldn't be a problem for any one.
Although i would like to say the notion is a bit unrealistic. Maybe i am just a sadist but the I don't see the plot. Maybe there could be a climax in the writing. Although the good part about the poem is that its short thus noticing the monotony is not that easy but I believe this poem could have had more impact with a change is tone which could act as the climax and the end would sound more contemporary than it does now, now to say its any less profound than people comment it to be.

As a poem it's OK but aren't there too, too many of these "love you forever" poems?

I don't want to sound rude but this theme has been trodden on by too many people, in too many centuries so much so that the theme is completely trampled on and is cliched(there goes my road analogy). Nothing too original in the lines you know.

Apart from that, there's nothing wrong with it. Sorry about the not-so-nice crit.


Oh (just noticed) for a 15-minutes poem, it's real nice. Hope you soon find your one.

I know truly deep,

that I love you to death.

And you love me back,

so much, I don't even know how much myself.

Oh my gosh cat!!! i love this poem!!! It reminds me of what I would write. You would know that because you have read what I tend to write a lot about. I still wish it wasn't over. He may not love me anymore but I still remain sober I don't take that path of the devil's roar. Hey that's part of my new poem I'm ready to write. You can't have it. I love you but sorry. It's mine. I'm writing whatever I can to get points because I need to write 2 new poems that I wrote tonight. I think that's pitiful. I really do like your poem though. I'm more of a poet. I don't read stories. I like poems. By the way, I wrote one called "Anonymous Disaster" and it's about Cory. I hate her. Love you cat!!! BYE!!!

you should try and base things on real feelings.

your poem will never be as good as someones who truly feels like this about a person, so try and write what you know.

Okay, just a suggestion. Add "away" to the very last line so it rhymes with the one before it. It is a very good poem. It sort of reminds me of a poem that I worte about guy I knew for a while (it didn't last). It is sweet and I can almost se your heart in this poem. Keep up with writing like this, it's very good. Keep writing!

Very well written as the others have said!
I must advice you to something: writing about things that you don't know much about or didn't experienced may be hard. I personally only write what I have knowned or what I feel 'cause that way i know about i'm talking about in a poem. I'm not insinuating you don't know what you're writing about, I'm just commenting on your thought.
About the poem, I didn't find any grammar errors but something might have slipped. I liked the way it flow and rhymes were good.
the ending was the cherry on the top and it made the poem rose above. keep on writing!

"But if forever was a day,

I don't want to love you that way."

I think this is the best quote throughout the piece. But i did love the full poem. It was very cute. I dont really like the last line, it kind of left me hanging but that is just me. no crit. cant really crit. this kind of piece. But it was cute and i loved it. It kind of expresses how i feel about this guy. but we wont go into that.

Keep writing. I love it!

Hello!!! You give a review, you get one back I thought this poem was a very interesting piece, and the word choice is very good. There was one thing that bugged me though. In the first stanza, it was a beautiful flowing rhyming poem, but then you stopped rhyming... Why is that?

so much, I don't even know how much myself.

and live with you my whole life

But if forever was a day,
I don't want to love you that way.

well written, I like it

especialy the last stanza

wasn't much for the last line in the second stanza though. other then that everything else was really good

Thanks!
I wrote this about 15 minutes before I posted it. It took me about 15 minutes to write it, but I have had this idea for a while.
Thanks again!

[rambling]I must agree, this was very well written. I liked it so much, my friend. Good word choice.

And, I also have to second the last stanza being superb! Beautiful, just beautiful.

No crit, just a shiny gold star![/rambling]

Vey well written.

But if forever was a day,

I don't want to love you that way.

I'll love you 'til the day I die,

and live with you my whole life.