Published September 15, 2007
Ok, this is my first attempt at a song, so don't shred it up too much please. I know it's weak and kinda bad, so yeah...Hope you like it.
What is 'bout rushed relationships
That makes us want to shoot ourselves?
He comes up to you.
Asks you your name.
And you guys start hanging out.
And after two days
You guys are best friends.
*pause*
So he holds you
When you sleep.
And he comforts you
When you weep.
And then it's over.
Just like that.
Because that bitch stabbed you in the back.
You thought it'd be alright.
You thought it'd be ok.
But listen now
To what I have to say.
You need to slow it down.
And hold them back.
Because those dumb boys
Don't know how to act.
So don't let them
Call you an angel.
Because then
You are in danger.
Because you'll cry.
And you'll be hurt.
Those boys ain't worth it.
They're less than dirt.
So just ignore them all.
And don't chase after them.
Because you'll find a guy
Who's a true gentleman.
How bad was it?
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Lol, I'm gonna re crit this. I re read my other crit and it wasn't really a helpful one. Now, here's a real crit
I really do like this song. You have a potential into song writing. This song is amazing with the lyrics. I could see this being a number one hit someday. Keep it up and you should do more songs!!
-Rick
I agree--the beginning is kinda rocky, and there are some parts that just zap the whole song (like
)
"So don't let them
Call you an angel.
Because then
You are in danger. "
which I personally didn't feel was right for this song,
and
You thought it'd be alright.
You thought it'd be ok.
But listen now
To what I have to say.
because it sounded forced, and made me feel kind of stupid... I don't know why...)
Otherwise, EXCELLENT JOB! I really enjoyed finding a melody to this.
(PS, the ending was kind of rocky too. The gentelman thing? It's kind of forced in a way.
And I just seen that sign on yo' profile, says you fro' Cali, which is where I am from too:)
hey us guys arent that heartless!!!! ... at least I'm not...
well, like its been said, the beginning is kind of rocky, and is more like a statement. Work on that part. After the pause, though, it begins to flow really well.
now, as much as we love "less than dirt," it is sadly cliched, and it might want to be changed.
okay, there's a small issue here. Wording good, but compared to the rest of the song, it is shortened and kind of cuts the flow. Try to lengthen the lines a bit.
for a first, it is extremely well done. dont stop
love it girl i really love it!!!!!!!! do you always write like that because that nearly brought tears to my eyes because it is so true!!!!!
It sounded good. The beginning was a little rocky but it really flowed along nicely after that. Stupid Boys! I like the ryhme scheme, it helped keep the song moving.
ps, I like it >.< I can't believe I forgot to say that.
Not all guys are as bad as you make them out to be... ok maybe they are. *grumbles something about Jordan*
"Because them dumb boys
Dont know how to act."
^that line reminded me of a part of sexyback, lol!
This is really good, Linds. I liked the the lyrics used in each verse. Though, I think a chorus could go in it.