Published January 30, 2010
I think this goes here? I'm really rusty with all this, so correct me if I'm wrong. And I know my grammar is going to make a lot of you cringe in horror but I did this for 10 minute timed poetry sessions with Rieda and as one might guess, poetry wasn't my first obligation. Now, it's late and it is again, not a high priority. I'm just trying to show I'm still writing things and if I don't post it now I'll forget for 3 more months. And the flow might be hard to catch but I forget you're all not in my head. Just let me know what you guys think, okay? Thanks.
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It happens
In bedrooms
Behind bars
In alleys
It happens
We cover our eyes
Because we don’t want it to be us
But we can’t forget
That it happens
Men with sour wives
With stressful jobs
And with an internet connection
They make it happen
Boys with nothing to do
With self esteem issues
No longer innocent
But still an idiot
They force it to happen
Picking on girls
Who don’t yet know who they are
Who haven’t heard words like that
Who haven’t seen people do those things
Innocent girls looking to boys for acceptance
They accept
And it happens
We don’t want to see
We don’t want to hear
We don’t want to know
That it happens
But it does happen
So open your eyes and look at her
Look at the young girl
Who never sobbed before
Whose smile used to brighten the sun
Who now wishes to bleed
Look into her eyes and see
What has happened
Because she’ll never be the same
She can’t ignore that she’s stained
That other girls walk around
Thinking men couldn’t touch them
Couldn’t make them strip
Couldn’t make them bend in such ways
But she knows that it happens
And who is she to pity?
A daughter
A sister
A friend
Your baby girl knows things you never learned
Your baby girl has been touched in places you’ve never seen
Your baby girl has cried herself to sleep
And wished more than anything to be dead
So the pain would stop coming in waves
And all this happened
Under your roof
While you just assumed she was being a teenager
Thirteen and ruined
For the rest of her life
Because you didn’t think it could happen
-Lindsay
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139,463 Literary Works • 672,569 Reviews
I really like your uses of triplets! It's a great poem, with great emphasis.
All used very effectively! Bravo.
Hello! I think you could shorten this. It does drag on just a little. I think you could help this by putting some of the shorter lines together. It sounds slightly disjointed in places I think, because of where you've put your line breaks. I like the repetition in places - "baby girl" and "we don't want to". It's an interesting topic and I like the way you have written it and the tone of your piece. Good job.
It just draggs on a bit- I'm not complaining directly a the length, (there's nothing wrong with a long poem) but you need to freshen it up more as you go along. it seems that you are staying a bit two centered to the topic. but now thats over with, I'd like to say how I like your language- it has a good effect of flowing, and this is over all a very good poem.
Hello,
This is very good for a 10 minute poem and it does focus on a very serious issue, so well done. I liked the rhyme, it went together well and didn't seem forced. The rhythm worked as well even though it was a little disjointed. The punctuation was missing in places but I think with a quick proof-read you will pick up the places where it is needed.
Overall, very well done
Keep Writing,
Lydia
I really like this,
It shows you so many things.
*sorry my comments are rubbish, I never know what to say in them.
This quite good for a "ten-minuter". It dwells on critical issue that everybody seemed to be afraid of discussing, yes the birds and the bumblebees.
Well the point is your poem is good. For your age, you are very much aware of societal concerns that are left shoved inside the closet. i think i like the way you presented it. for the technincals i think you might want to revisit the use of assonace. although i think you use it pretty good in here, too much use might be dangerous as well.
I can't critique more because i can hardly pick things out for improvement because i think this is in its best form already. Anyways, enjoy writing an di would like to read some more of your works.