Red looked up at the man who was towering over him. Thunder roared above them as they stood at a stalemate.
“Who are you?” Red asked, voice hoarse with tried aggression. The man walked towards him, removing his hood.
“Rangvald Ravenstone, my good sir. I am a traveler who’s wagon is broken down by the road. This was the cottage that looked the most welcoming.” He said, beginning to walk back towards the gate. “But I suppose I was mistaken.”
“No, wait.” Red said, holding out his hand-unsure if he meant a welcome or a warning- and gestured towards the cottage. “You may come in. We will get your wagon looked at.”
The Crosset began walking towards the cottage, mud clinging to his bare feet. He knew that bringing an un-welcome guest in wasn’t the brightest idea that he had ever had, but he didn’t really have any other choice. As they reached the steps, the door swung open and Margie, Albire, Merric blocked the doorway. Candlelight flickered behind them with a welcoming glow. Margie held onto Merric’s sleeve, cowering.
“What is going on out here?” Ablire hissed, looking Rangvald up and down.
“He was coming up the way to ask for help with his wagon. I snuck out the window to…well…ambush him until I was able to speak to him. Found out he was just a lost traveler who needed help.” Red replied. He shivered, the rain was eating him to the bone.
“Well don’t just stand there, let the man in!” Millie said, holding the slumbering newborn. She still looked tired but she would be damned if someone didn’t feel welcomed in her home-not tonight. The trio parted the way and Red lifted his hand, ushering Merric to accompany him. Rangvald bowed low so that he would fit underneath the doorway.
“C’mon, Merric. Come with me to get the pony?” Red asked, running his fingers through his wet ringlets.
“On it.” Merric replied, stepping out into the rain and followed Red. Inside, Rangalvad unfastened his wet covering
“Thank you, kindly, madame. I appreciate the welcome. Is there somewhere you would like me to put my soiled cloak?”
Millie nodded towards the oaken trunk near the door, “Place it on the hook there and come sit by the fire.” She turned towards Margie: “ Fix the gentleman some food.”
The door closed behind them, leaving the two young Crossets behind in the waning storm. Red turned on his heel with Marcus in tow.
“Where do you think he’s from?” Marcus asked, jogging next to his best friend.
“Heaven knows. Maybe we can find out a little bit more when we get to his wagon.” He pointed towards the road. “There- I see the lantern. That poor pony must be freezing.”
They approached the wagon that was deep in a muddy rut and the spotted pony stood obediently, unfazed by the rain hitting his back.
“Hey old boy, let’s get you warm eh?” Red said, patting the pony’s soaked flank. Marcus clambered up onto the wagon and unhitched the harness.
Once the pony was free, they were able to lead it to the smaller stable that was on the property and set him up with some grain and hay. They walked back into the cottage where they were greeted by Margie who had steaming hot chocolate in hand, waiting for them.
Rangvald was sitting awkwardly on a small stool near the fire that was blazing at his back. His face now pink and warmed, his hands held a bowl of stew with tomatoes, beef and barley. Red breathed in and his stomach growled.
“I’m originally from the West, but I am traveling to Asger Falls for a mission that I was tasked with from my order- a simple task really, I love the travel but a broken wagon wheel that’s stuck in mud isn’t what I had hoped would happen- but,” he gestured to the Crossets gathered around him, “I have impeccable hosts.”
Millie blushed, bowing her head in humble pride. She had just had a baby, but she would never let a guest feel unwelcome. “You are always welcomed here.” She said, “ You seem to be a gentleman so I have no qualms with you entering our home.”
“Absolutely.” Albire agreed, standing behind his wife and placing a hand on her curls, brushing through them. Phylo squirmed in his swaddle and nuzzled closer to his mother’s bosom. Red walked forward.
“What’s Asger Falls?” He asked.
Rangvald turned his face towards the Crosset, his long brown hair now dry and Red got a better look at his face. It was soft, young, tanned from hours of riding in the sun. He was tall, so tall in fact that his knees crowded his chest while he sat. It didn’t look too comfortable. In human years, he must be younger than forty for his eyes were still sparkling and spry.
“Asger Falls,” He began, a small smile flickering in memory. “ My father brought me there as a child. It’s a sacred place that the High Order holds in deep regard. The last thousand years, it’s been a pivotal location for decisions on war strategy, the crowning of kings, deep deliberations. I am to be there in about a month to help with a mission they have tasked me with. I was on my way there when I got stuck in the mud outside your gate.”
Red found himself sitting at the feet of the wizard, listening as he spun stories about his travels and recent adventures. He was enthralled with the tales that he was being told. Tales of dragon hoards and winged horses that would sail through the clouds, mermaids that would sing songs and how wizards would conjure up spells.
Hours passed and it was well into the twilight hours whenever Rangvald slapped his knees and stood-in truth, he crouched since it was the home of Crossets and Crossets are quite short, sighing. “If you don’t mind,” he said, “I am quite tired.”
Red jolted upwards, realizing that he too was falling into sleep. Albire nodded and yawned, “Yes! Of course! I’m sure the boys won’t mind you taking Red’s bedroom upstairs. They can sleep by the fire.” He tilted his head towards Marcus who was already curled up, snoring on the rug. Rangvald bowed.
“I am grateful for your hospitality.”
Millie handed the baby over to Margie who started towards the stairs. “Well, it’s not like a Reechon to turn away a stranger. We hope you rest well.” She replied, gesturing for Margie to follow her up the stairs.
“Goodnight, my love.” Margie whispered, kissing Red on the top of the head. He looked up to her and he smiled. In his sleepiness, it was like she glowed from the firelight. The flames making her hair shine like rubies in the midday sun. Her eyes glistened and her smile gently caressed his curls in a small kiss. He looked up at her, her hair shimmered like rubies. Her eyes catching the firelight like sea glass.
“Goodnight, Margie Mae.”
Everyone went up stairs and Rangvald went back to the door to grab his now dried cloak and started for the stairs. Red watched him as he moved, he was a sturdy and sinewy man with long arms and slender fingers. He reminded him of a very large fairy, but that’s truly what wizards were, weren’t they? His brown hair straight and shiny underneath the firelight. His face was tired but still very gentle and kind. He must have felt Red’s eyes on him for he turned towards him and grinned sleepily, “Go to sleep, Master Crosset. ‘Tis late and the hour is dark.” He said softly.
Red nodded and curled up near the hearth, but then he shot up.
“Master Ravenstone,”
The wizard stopped, a foot on the stairs,
“do you always adventure alone?”
Looking down at his feet, his hand grabbed the bannister and he took a breath. “Yes, Red. I do. It would be….nice if someone would accompany me.” He replied, walking up the stairs. “Very nice indeed.” Then he vanished in the darkness of the stairway.
That was the last Red saw of Rangvald that night as he was lulled to sleep by the crackle of flames and embers, dreaming of adventure, danger, and dragons.
His heart yearned for something new.
His spirit starved for something more.
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Time to earn that fifth start 😊 Hi hello! I come with a review!
Hm I wonder what you mean by “tried aggression”.
And we’re heading right into the dialogue formatting haha
Notice how “he said” on its own is never a complete sentence? That’s why the speech is actually part of this sentence! And there fore you combine it with a comma and don’t capitalize “he” ^^ Same goes for “Red said” and all variations thereof.
I like how Red offers to look at the wagon. :3
Tho idk what he means by not having any other choice? The man said he was leaving or am I missing some sinister subplot here?
Oh and I wonder how they knew they’re dealing with a wizard.
Hm I don’t feel like a lot of things happened in this chapter. There wasn’t really any tension or conflict. But I like the idea that this hints at Red maybe going with the wizard in the coming chapters!
Hey, LilyVinson! This is Alex, back to review the 2nd chapter of your novel. After the cliffhanger the first chapter ended at, I just had to come back for more. So let's get started!
I can tell you're mastered the skill of 'show, and tell'. Here are some instances where I found them and was totally impressed -
I'm not that good at chess, but I play sometime. Knowing what that term means, I feel you've executed it perfectly here! Stalemate is when there are no legal moves left to play on the board, so the game ends in a draw. The threat isn't as imminent as a clear checkmate attack, but still a looming warning. While a checkmate charges, the stalemate merely lurks in caution. It captures the scene really well, the man is held by a knife and cannot move, just like in a stalemate. Neither knows the other's real intentions so they're stalling. I think the word 'stalemate' is a way to represent to the unsharpened knife, had it been sharpened the danger would've been more crisp like a checkmate.
Red is a rather young dwarf who has no real experience in intimidation. The word 'tried' is so fitting, and even subtly suggests he's a little afraid himself.
Reminding us of their inherent short heights, so effortlessly by a simple action. Great job keeping things realistic and reasonable. In a way, the justify the species character plot, solidifying its image in the reader's head.
I find it very apt that Red would be the one to ask that. Millie is too focused on playing the good host, but Red harbours a curiosity for the outside world's and his travels through it. He's innately curious and it's very sensible for his character being a young boy in a lead role.
More of your amazing lore! The adventures world of Rangvald brims with intrigue. A million questions flood the reader's mind at once. What is the High Order? What does the place look like? What is his secret mission? I'm eager to explore the answer to each of them.
I think you might've overcooked a littleeeeeee. One single imagery might've been more impactful but these many are fighting for the reader's attention, which is now inevitably diverted trying to make heads or tails of it. Let's take the first line, to start. It needs a comma like- 'shine, like'. For a moment, I interpreted you meant a comma after rubies as well but then I realised this was nighttime so the midday sun wouldn't really make sense. So I like thing the actual simile here is 'rubies in the midday sun'. It sounds accurate that the intense light shall get trapped in the gem, making it glow, I just believe it wasn't phrase easily and it takes a while to actually decode. The second last line just felt a poor repetition, as you've already said it once before, rather explicitly. There is nothing objectively wrong with the last line but I feel the narrative does better without it. The simple reference to her eyes glistening before seems enough of an mention already. This all was just my take on it though, so feel free to disagree!
Plotwise, I must share with you I confusion eating away at me. Do Millie and Albire know about their little affair? I see their moments not deliberately hid, but not proudly displayed either. I'm curious as to if they have more than just a stealing a kiss every once in a while thing going on, perhaps a low burn from a long time. Some clarification will be appreciated!
A very fascinating scene indeed. There's a subtle implication that Red wishes to travel as well, not really surprising for his character. It's also very interesting to see Rangvald indirectly encourage Red to join him in his adventures. I'm looking forward to see where this is heading.
Such a striking closing, I loved that of the previous chapter, but this is my favourite of the two. Action climaxes are overshadowed by hanging question of choices and a scope for exploration. I like Red is depicted as the small town boy who's clearly meant for greater and more exciting things in life, without making it too obvious. I'd usually say it's cliche, but this is so incredibly fitting and well written that I must relent.
Overall, it has been s splendid read. The man turns out to be a false alarm as he has just been a lost traveler. Like the gracious hosts our Crossets are, they welcome him to stay and eat till the storm wears off. But as Rangvald narrates his tales of adventures, something sparks in Red. I love how you don't show Red to hate his town like the usual insufferable protagonists, but rather enjoys what it has to offer with his friend Merric. But when a much thrilling world presents itself, his current life looks dull in comparison. This chapter didn't have much plot to go for, but I think it was necessary to made the reader wonder on this significant choice- will Red leave his entire life behind to accompany Rangvald in his adventures? If he doesn't, will be regret it forever or feel a sense of belonging at home afterall? If he does, what will become of his life? What all will be face? How will it strengthen his bond with Rangvald? Most importantly, what devastating effect will it have on his relationship with Margie? All answers in due time!
I don't have much suggestions to render, except the imagery part I pointed out before. Natural writing, a very believable pace. It has been my pleasure reviewing this, hope I get to catch up on the next chapters very soon!
WOW! Thank you so much for such an extensive review. I'm so excited that you like it so much. It has been a while in the making but luckily there are about 10 chapters ahead of this one that really get the ball rolling. This is the first draft so any type of suggestions are welcomed. Especially the one about the writing being redundant. I appreciate your honesty there! I will let you know when the next one is up!