50 Balloons

LIke it but it could be longer.
Like the person above me said.
More description would help. But so far I really like it.
Happy Writing.

Lil_Pau wrote:50 balloons drift upwards into the sky,
flooding the blue with colours such as green, red and white. How do they float up? Was it like an attacking fleet? Or reverse snow? What was it like! Don't just say what happened, and how it looks, say how it happens and we'll see how it looks. This would make it more interesting and easier to read. (because it won't be as boring)
And they fly, bound by the laws of earth, This line is unneeded, you already said they fly into the sky, and it's usually safe to assume that the laws of physics apply, so you don't need this.
showering surprise onto birds, planes and us. How? Every time you give us direct action, you should atleast give us a simile or metaphor to better show how this action works. They surprise birds like the first human?
But whatever destinations they have in their minds,
the 50 balloons are destined to drift apart. You should really try being less direct. It would save this from being boring. And so far, there isn't much movement. It's spent the last 6 lines describing their flying awayness and it's still boring. It's been telling over showing.
In groups of eight, four and finally two, You don't need this line, drop it. It doesn't help to describe the idea that we all split up. If you put this more so in the beginning and focused more on the transition from grouping off then going seperate ways, the real motions of how things like this happen. It helps flow and makes it more understandable.
one has to bid the another a sad sayonara. You can drop the other, since if you're biding someone/thing a sad good bye, it's assumed there's another there. So it's usless.
Still, despite the birds, the planes and us, Why do these things matter? How is it despite them? What kind of importance are they? You never mentioned. So, you can drop this or make it important. By describing how they are important, what do they do to the balloons?
the 50 balloons have the true blue heavens.
So if you come to a stage where you're about to pop,
remember, they are out there, yearning for anything but to drop. Okay, the ending was alright. Kinda out of flow with the poem. But its okay, nonetheless. Because it is speaking of what the balloons want and the rest of the poem just says they fly. It's not exactly connected.