Cutting

Yeah... I'm just here to sing with the choir.

This poem does nothing for anyone but you. Poetry can be two things: an expression of emotions, or a way to share those emotions with other people.

You did the first one, and in those cases, it is best not to share the poem. Why are you depressed? Why do you want to die? Who made you feel like this? Dig deeper than the woe-is-me-my-life-sucks stage. And then, make the reader feel what you feel. Rather than just rambling on about you, suck the reader in and put them in your shoes.

And It isn't like I'm insensitive, I've been through a lot in my life (including depression and SI) but things like this doesn't make good poetry. It only makes good emotional expression.

And, as whence said: read more poetry. I also wrote an article on this type of poetry that may help you: Emotional Poetry.

Bonne chance.

I agree with Whence, the capitals threw me off, and your writing should be able to speak for itself without them - show me you're shouting through description, not capitals. I didn't feel what I should have felt from this poem, and didn't feel it was original - at the moment anyone could have written this. Find your own style and the next poem you post will sound like yours. Write something that sounds different to what we've heard before.

Whoa... where have I seen this before?!?!

Everywhere.

And the caps was excesssive at best. It just screams 'mediocre piece that relies on tacky distracting devices to make itself known'.

This might sound harsh, but that's because I have hope for you.

My advice?
Read poetry. See what others do right, how they do it, and how you can do it too.
Goodluck,
~Ed

This sort of topic can be done well, but Miyaviloves and Broken Wings suggest, it's tough. If you really feel what you're writing about, then you can probably write about it well but the thing is you need to look at it in a unique way.
Try using some imagery, observation, metaphor, etc, just some techniques that will help you stand out. Your rhyme is a little off; doesn't really help the flow of the poem so you might want to abandon that altogether.
The last two lines weren't bad, I found the last one particularly intriguing but unfortunately you ended it there!

I agree with Miyaviloves. It IS very cliche.

And it is also kind of...blah. You don't feel the emotions that you should be feeling with this poem, and there is no imagery, or interesting/descriptive words.

But you do seem to have potential, so I encourage you to keep writing. Try to add feelings to your poem, and add a few words that will boggle some minds. Such as describing the blood, you could add "The crimson blood runs down my sleeve..." yadeda. Make it sound a bit more interesting.

I also suggest doing some unique poems. It seems you are new here, because you don't have many posts, so I can't blame you. You probably haven't looked through all the forums and realized how many poems of suicide/emo there are. But still, it should be sort of obvious. If you still insist on doing emo poems, at least make them on a unique point of view.

PM me if you have any question. I do realize the block of letters above might seem a bit confusing.

~Wings

Im sorry but this was such a cliche poem!

I know that you wrote this maybe trying to give a message across, but it's been done sooooo many times before!

Sorry to sound a bit mean there :S

Meevs
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