Bad Lights, Good Lights [Chapter 2.1]

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

August 30, 2015
Novel / Chapter: Fantasy, Mystery / Suspense
5 comments (5 reviews)

After the bell rang, my classmates and I assembled in the open ground floor of one of the school blocks. We were readying ourselves for Physical Education class. It wasn’t really a class though since we learned nothing about it and instead was allowed by teacher to play any sport we wanted. Today, the girls wanted to play futsal while the boys football. The teacher seemed content with that and resumed his reading of a magazine while we moved to the field next to us.

When I stepped on it, I inspected the surrounding. Scarlet was with me, floating around me with a sense of slowness that indicated his boredom. However, I raised my eyebrow to the Blue House members and he followed my gaze, stopping his floating. The members were having a running practice, and a group of five boys a year younger than me lined up on the running track.

They started to run like they were born for it but one of them caught my attention. I didn’t know his name but I did know he couldn’t run this fast. He was among the fastest runners of students of his age but he wasn’t this fast. Usually, he was the last person to pass the finishing line but today, he seemed to lead the others. I frowned, my hands playing with the pocket of my black sports shorts.

“Hmm,” Scarlet hummed and floated a bit closer to the scene. “It’s not clear but I think I see a yellow light, Flax, at his back, following him from behind.”

I gasped. This unusualness was not a coincidence or natural, then. I looked at the boy, running faster and faster by the moments, blurring himself to the point where I was afraid others thought was unusual. I shook my head. “That was too fast. Did he sync with his light this fast?”

Scarlet moved up and down. “Some people synchronize with their lights faster than others, according to my resources,” he said.

“I think I should check on him,” I said, changing the path of my walk to the Blue House members. Not even after two steps, someone grabbed my hand. I turned around, and it was Dahlia, my friend and classmate.

She frowned. “Where are you going?” She looked ahead of me and smiled, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. “They’re too young for you. Come on, they’re going to start playing,” she said, and dragged me to the futsal court.

I spared a few seconds looking at the Blue House members. At least I knew their form. I only needed to find their classes. Scarlet followed me to the court. I looked at him and wondered if he could talk to the yellow light the boy had. I would discuss this with him later.

The class was noisy again. It helped me, however. I could talk with Scarlet without being noticed by everyone. My seat was near the open window, so the gentle breeze through it relaxed me despite the loud atmosphere. It was a different case for Scarlet, however. I looked at him, floating besides me on an empty seat that was supposed to belong to Sarah. She didn’t come today despite telling me she would.

Scarlet was vibrating vigorously. “What is wrong with these people? Why are they noisy? It’s frustrating!” he said, whining.

I chuckled. “Humans at their best,” I said, nodding to a large crowd of students chatting with each other. They were a combination of popular chicks and cool jocks. At least, that was what everyone said.

“What do you want to talk about with me?”

“It’s about that boy. Can’t you just go to him? I’m pretty sure you can find the yellow light,” I said, straight to the point.

He floated upward a bit. “I can’t. I’m in the process of synchronization with you. If I get too far away from you, the process would stop and we would have to start again.”

I groaned. I should approach the boy then. “You keep talking about this synchronization. How do you synchronize with me?” I said, leaning forward to him.

“It’s a bit... complicated,” he said. I waited for more but it didn’t come.

I raised my eyebrow. Was there something he was hiding from me?

I fiddled with my pen, deep in thought. How could I approach the boy? He was a year younger than me, so I knew he was in Form Four. And he was in Blue House members. Oh wait! I could just ask Sarah. She was the secretary of the house, so she should have a list of Form Four members. And to narrow it down, a list of the selected runners! I smiled, satisfied with my triumphant solution.

Scarlet interrupted my thought. “I saw another red light, Carmine, and a purple light, Mauvine. They were less revealing than the yellow light, and disappeared as soon as I saw them. Rest assured, their human companions are in Form Five as I figured out soon.”

I dropped my face to the table. Meeting a light was hard enough, now there were two more of them? I messed with my hair the same way everything had messed with my mind. I was having a normal - horrible but normal nonetheless - life, and I suddenly had to play the heroine. I hoped Imran was here; he should know what to do since he was experienced in this. I made a mental note to discuss about this with him further at home.

“Well, if they’re in Form Five, it should be easier to find them. As long as we know in which form they are, we have to something to start from for the search,” I said, holding up my face, my hands cupping it.

“That’s a good idea. And watch out for the dark lights. They’re our enemies here. They would find human companions too,” Scarlet said, mentioning about what we were facing against in details for the first time.

I glanced at him. “Why would they need human companions? They want to hurt us, don’t they? They can do that by themselves.”

“In time, you’ll find out why,” Scarlet said, being evasive out of a sudden.

I dropped my face again. I knew Scarlet was hiding something but since I couldn’t figure out what, I couldn’t prove my suspicion. Maybe this was my usual distrust to people I only knew recently? Whatever it was, maybe now was no the time to think about it. Not only I needed to find the good lights, I also needed to be careful with bad ones. Well, the things to do just become harder and harder through time.

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Mon Apr 25, 2016 4:00 pm

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Carlito wrote a review...

Hello again!

We were readying ourselves for Physical Education class. It wasn’t really a class though since we learned nothing about it and instead was allowed by teacher to play any sport we wanted.

"We readied ourselves for..."
"and instead were allowed to play..."
I liked your opening here and how you set the scene. I also liked the little showing of the MC's personality in this second sentence about how they have this class but they don't actually learn anything.

When I stepped on it, I inspected the surrounding.

You use "it" a lot and I would try to avoid that. What is "it" here? And why is she inspecting her surroundings?

Scarlet was with me, floating around me with a sense of slowness that indicated his boredom.

I saw someone mention this in their review of one of the other sections and I agreed with what they said. I really like how you're making these lights characters in their own respect. I like that you include and mention their little mannerisms and things they do to show their personalities and how they feel.

However, I raised my eyebrow to the Blue House members and he followed my gaze, stopping his floating.

You don't need the "however" here. I love when eyebrows are mentioned. (weird little thing about me :p). Eyebrows show so much!!
Who/What is the Blue House and why is that significant?
Scarlet stopped his floating. What happens when the light is no longer floating? Does it drop to the ground? Does it go inside Merah? It doesn't have feet so it's not like it can stand on the ground, right?

They started to run like they were born for it but one of them caught my attention.

I think you should single out this person that caught her attention a bit more.
"They all started to run like they were born for it, but one of them caught my attention." OR
"They started to run like they were born for it, and one in particular caught my attention."
(And don't forget to put a comma before your second clause. "But" separates the clauses so a comma needs to go before it. This happens in some other sentences as well but I'm not going to point them all out).

I didn’t know his name but I did know he couldn’t run this fast. He was among the fastest runners of students of his age but he wasn’t this fast. Usually, he was the last person to pass the finishing line but today, he seemed to lead the others.

This read a little convoluted to me.
The first sentence - establishes that this mystery kid can run really fast. (but how fast is fast?)
The second sentence - to me says he's always been fast, but today he's extra fast. (again, how fast is fast? is there a visual or a way to show just how fasts he's moving).
The third sentence - this is where my confusion hit. To me it says he's usually among the slowest of the group but today he's really fast. That directly refutes what the previous sentence said. So which one is true?

This unusualness was not a coincidence or natural, then.

Huh? What unusualness? And how is it not a coincidence or natural? Break her thoughts down a bit here and show how she processes through this new information.

“I think I should check on him,” I said, changing the path of my walk to the Blue House members.

Explain her thought process and decision making process here and why she feels she needs to go check on this boy she doesn't know. What is she hoping to do with this conversation or get out of this conversation? What is she planning on saying to him?

I looked at him and wondered if he could talk to the yellow light the boy had. I would discuss this with him later.

Again, dig a bit deeper into this thought process. Why does she want Scarlet to talk to this light? What is she hoping they would talk about or what would she want to get out of that conversation? Why can't she wait to talk to the light or this boy herself later? What's the rush?

It helped me, however. I could talk with Scarlet without being noticed by everyone.

You can combine these two sentences. "It helped me though because I could talk with..."

I hoped Imran was here; he should know what to do since he was experienced in this. I made a mental note to discuss about this with him further at home.

What do they need to talk about? Remind me what their goal is right now? Why are they trying to talk to other people with lights and what do they hope to gain from these conversations? Is there any worry that the people they're approaching will react badly or won't know much about their lights or this save the world mission? What is the fear or what could happen if any of these conversations goes badly?

“In time, you’ll find out why,” Scarlet said, being evasive out of a sudden.

I'm glad Scarlet is being evasive. It gives the reader questions and will make us want to read on

You're introducing a lot of stuff to us right away. There are pros and cons this but be mindful of how much you're introducing and whether or not you're giving time to develop each new piece of information. Things are moving quickly and I want some time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. I think this whole opening (including chapter one) could be slowed down to show more "normal" and then give the characters time to adjust to each new thing that gets thrown their way. It feels a tad unrealistic to me that Merah adjusts to everything so quickly and takes it all in stride. That could just be a function of her personality, but still. I want to have time to adjust to everything too.

It's worth noting too (I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before), that I'm not a huge fantasy person. The vast majority of what I read is contemporary so sometimes it takes me longer than it would others to understand or to wrap my head around fantasy things. I'm also not as familiar with tropes or how fantasy stories are told. I also don't know very much about building fantasy worlds. So feel free to take anything I say with a grain of salt

Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing, and I'll see you soon in the next chapter!

Lightsong says...

Thanks for the review!

So, the Blue House member thingy is really a part of the school system in Malaysia. Basically, when you're having PE class, you'd wear a shirt of one colour. You can choose four colours which are red, blue, yellow and green. Once you choose it, you're member of that colour house, which means during sports day, you'd be in that house and would help it to win the sport competitions. Maybe I should include this in the subchapter?

I think, as previously stated, I need to elaborate a lot in the chapter. Looking at your reviews, I'm getting the sense that first point of view really needs more from the narrator, and that's basically showing us her thoughts and actions. I do admit I lean towards more to the action part and describing things to the surrounding. I'll fix that.

Carlito says...

Oh interesting! (about the Blue House thing) I love learning about other cultures

And you said it perfectly - first person needs a ton of narrator. Otherwise, it should probably be in third. I'll review more soon!!

Lightsong says...

Hahaha, yeah, that's how our education system works for government school when we're in Primary One to Six and Form One to Five.

I'd be looking forwards for more reviews!

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Fri Feb 05, 2016 12:31 am

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Pretzelstick wrote a review...

Hello Lightsong, here I am trying to plow through with the review of your novel. So this I believe is another one of those transition chapters, or at least the beginning of a Chapter 2.

I was just as, if even not more confused on the switch of scenery from which you left the last chapter. I just honestly feel like it’s too abrupt, and you need to describe the scene change or at least make it pretty apparent that you switched places. I honestly thought that from this point on Merah was going to start faithfully recording in her diary, about the happenings. I actually thought that you could probably include snippets of diary entries, because then you could tell it from a type of first POV kind of.

I looked at him, floating besides me on an empty seat that was supposed to belong to Sarah. She didn’t come today despite telling me she would.

Awww, I was really ready to be introduced to another new minor character in this novel, because so far we're not expanding to other characters until this point, probably because the first chapter were inside Merah's house where she didn't have exposure to other people. You have to ask yourself if it's actually necessary to make Sarah skip this day in school.

Was there something he was hiding from me?

I knew Scarlet was hiding something but since I couldn’t figure out what, I couldn’t prove my suspicion

Scarlet is getting way more mysterious and invasive in his answers, but I feel like that’s kind of necessary right now for his kind to not tell the human kind all things. And Merah’s curiosity doesn’t surprise me at all. It’s just that in some parts and section, you didn’t really show me that fact, you just kind of told that Merah distrusts Scarlet a lot.

I also wanted to comment about how quickly Merah went from questioning ?? to assuming that Scarlet is apparently hiding something from here. I think that one little problem was, that Merah doesn’t probably have enough evidence to support her assumption. Now yeah, I do know that this isn’t a scientific paper or something like that, but this is a mystery novel. So you build up the mystery by telling us more concrete facts, but while still leaving out huge blots of information. I believe that you have mastered that part about leaving out the info, but now give us more details so that the readers are curious. So that we will want to know more and more and more,etc.

However, I raised my eyebrow to the Blue House members

I noticed this part that was repeatedly mentioned throughout this whole chapter, so what is this Blue House members group. Who are they and what you they even believe in anyways? Are they like a club or something like that? I think that this is a great opportunity to world-building, and maybe this where Imran can come in a little bit.

Not only I needed to find the good lights, I also needed to be careful with bad ones. Well, the things to do just become harder and harder through time.

Ok, so here you're storytelling probably will get a little bit more complicated, for the reason that you are starting to introduce multiple character(bad lights and good lights) into this scene. I know that in the sentence above, you literally stated and the title and the mission of this whole novels, but since this is the "revealing" chapter, I wanted to see more of Merah's reaction. How did she react to this when Scarlet told her, does she think that they bad lights can be avoided, etc. I know that you told us that things are going to get harder and harder, but I would love to actually see a physical reaction in Merah's body language.

I personally, think that the dialogue is too noticeable in a classroom setting, or even hallway setting. Like yes, I know that a fair amount of dialogue is good, but normally you don't see people walking around and talking to an invisible being, if you see what I mean. I just feel like it doesn't happen that way. So maybe before you write this chapter, you should consider the setting which is takes place, because as you well might now, classroom settings are generally sometimes really silent/quiet places, especially when everyone is trying to concentrate with their work. Perhaps it might be beneficial that Merah just not talk that much, or whisper or something?

I honestly still don't think that you are paying enough attention to the subplots honestly. You have to develop some, and one minor subplot that you started was the sighting of new lights, which is great

and you could continue with that in next chapter. I just feel, like Noelle said that you are so very focused on the synchronization and relationship between Merah and Scarlet, that as a writer you loose the art of portraying the outside world. After all, Scarlet only changed Merah's life yesterday, and a couple of times you do have mentioned how Merah had an ordinary life and how certain things changed. Well, I still want to get a glimpse of her daily chores, routines, habits, etc. If you include one or all of those quirky things, it will really make your character take much more real.

Transtions are so tough, but I wanted to take a moment and address this in my review. Because you are skipping around so much, I lose track of what's going on and then I just remain confused. I actually had to go back and read this chapter a couple of times to actually understand it. I guess that there's really no magical solution to this problem, as long as you reread this and try to find some sort of solutio. My opinion with the help of format is to break it up with brackets like this:

Spoiler! :

Or anything like that to differentiate. Ok, so that's all that I have to say about this chapter. Honestly, I think that I'm very happy that you are finally getting into more of the searching parts. I'll be onto the next chapter very soon!

Until next time,

~P.S.

Lightsong says...

Thanks for the review!

Everything happened here for a reason, Pretzel. Mwehehehe. :3

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Sun Oct 04, 2015 2:32 pm

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Noelle wrote a review...

Hi there!

First off, I don't quite understand the transition between chapters. At the end of the first chapter we were in Merah's house. Now we're suddenly at the school and the bell is ringing. Time jumps are a good tool to use to move the plot forward, however they have to fit in time with the story. If this chapter had begun with Merah walking into school or explaining her nerves of having Scarlet come to school with her (for example) then it would be easier to comprehend. The first thing I read was "After the bell rang" and it threw me off. I didn't know why there was a bell in their house or why it would be ringing. Knowing that Merah is at school first before I hear about the bell would be less confusing.

When I stepped on it, I inspected the surrounding.

I feel like this needs to be reworded. To me it sounds like Merah is looking around the field to see what's there. This is her school though, so she'd already know what it looks like and everything. Once I read on I realized that she was searching the kids, which is something different than the surroundings. I just think you could make that a bit clearer.

An English professor I once had used to tell us to write like the reader knows absolutely nothing. Something that you, as the writer, could assume and understand could be something we have no idea about. It's your story so you have the entire thing plotted out in you mind. We're only just getting into it. Now that doesn't mean that there needs to be intense details about everything. Just be careful that anything that seems easy to assume might not be so easy. Take the sentence I quoted above for example.

I'm quite a fan of novels that start with action and jump right into the plot as soon as possible. I understand that backstory is important and all that, but there are times when I don't want to know all of that at the beginning. That's what I like about your novel. It's only the second chapter and we're already looking for these orbs. Merah has already accepted Scarlet into her life. We've jumped right into the middle of the story and we're learning things as we go along.

They started to run like they were born for it but one of them caught my attention.

I'm sure you already know this rule, but I figured I'd point it out anyway. There's always a comma before the word 'but'. The exception is with the phrase "there was nothing but [insert word here]" or any phrase like that. So there should be a comma before 'but' in the sentence I quoted.

I want to talk about the scene with the fast running boy for a second. This is Merah's class which I'm assuming has the same kids in it all year. Wouldn't she have seen this boy run fast before? Unless this is something knew and he used to be slow or something. I feel like Merah is recognizing all of these things that she should've already known. Unless this is the first day of the school year. I'm not sure if that's mentioned or not.

I shook my head. “That was too fast. Did he sync with his light this fast?”

Couldn't it be possible that he's known his light for longer than she's known hers? I don't really understand how she knows he synced with his light fast.

The class was noisy again. It helped me, however. I could talk with Scarlet without being noticed by everyone. My seat was near the open window,

Wait, wasn't Merah just in physical education class? Now she's in a different class? There's no transition here from the one class to the next. Focus on your transitions a bit more. Your writing is easy to follow, but with those transitions it'll be a bit easier.

While this novel is focused on these lights and the conflict they have, I find myself wanting to know more about Merah and the world around her. It's as if we're too focused in her relationship with this light that we're missing out on her life. It's always hard to balance something like that. Focus on the Scarlet and Merah yes, but also sprinkle in some of the world outside of them. With that added aspect the story will feel more together.

Nice cliffhanger on the end. I approve :3 Even though it's the middle of the chapter it's still that cliff hanger quality. It's one of those spots in the chapter where you realize that there's still so much that you want to know about everything. Now I'm left as curious and surprised about the dark lights as Merah is.

This story is moving along well. Like I mentioned earlier, we're really getting into the thick of things and starting off on this adventure. I'm able to really follow the plot line and sort of predict where it's going to go next. We're getting to learn a lot more about Merah and Scarlet and we can see their relationship growing. I can't wait to see what else happens!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Lightsong says...

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're still following this novel. :3

Noelle says...

Of course! I enjoy reading it. I try to always keep on top of my reviews but sometimes life is rude and I don't have much time to review. I'll be following this until the end

Lightsong says...

Thanks again!

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Wed Sep 02, 2015 2:19 pm

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keystrings wrote a review...

So. This was pretty interesting. Maybe later I'll read the other chapters for this, so I understand more clearly all of the concepts with the "lights" and everything, but for now, I think I'll just make through with my lesser knowledge. Is that alright with you? I hope so. I like this idea though... it's a pretty neat one, and it did get me think a little about how that would be neat if it actually happened in real life. (Who knows maybe it does!) On to the actual story, I must agree completely with a lot of things the other reviewer said. This does have quite a few errors in it; frankly, it didn't really take away from the story, as some of them I didn't notice, but I would really recommend their advice a lot. Reading stuff you wrote out loud is one of the best ways that you can figure out your typos and mistakes. It's also a pretty fast and easy one as well.

I'm so sorry, but no I can't give you that long of a review like the amazing one below you. I don't really have access to pictures and all that! Oh well. I'd like to add a few more things they said as well though. If the "light" has a name, just use he or she and not it. You're kind of contradicting what you mean every time you do that. Then, you raise a few questions like "Is the light a person person, or just a thing, or is it a proper noun?" and all that, so just be careful with how you word stuff, alright?

All in all though, frankly I'm impressed that you've gotten this far. I can't even continue writing something for two whole chapters, let alone to the number you've gotten to. That's really inspiring! So, marvelous job. To be honest, you're not like the most amazing-est writer ever, but with a few tweaks and just experience, you'll get there! Thanks so much for giving me something to review! I hope I helped. Thanks also for writing this, and have a great day!

Perks~

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Tue Sep 01, 2015 3:27 pm

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PiesAreSquared wrote a review...

Hai, here to review. I have read the entire piece through, and I think your worst fear has arrived. This grammar Nazi will tear your work apart. I hope you wouldn’t mind if I sprinkle some terms into this review which I am certain you will understand and which the general populace of this site will not.
Please note that all criticism is lighthearted, and if you get offended....I wouldn’t mind! HEHE!
The Plot
The plot...what can I say. It’s too.....focused. Everything centers around the characters personal thoughts and actions. Where is their humanity?

By humanity I am referring to the characters perception of what others think or view regarding them, and not just the surface interpretation of, "oh, he is looking at me that means he must love me!" Et cetera.
Delve further into the character. Explore. This isn't a third person POV story, so this must be the main focus of your story. We want to know your character better in terms of who they are, and not just what they are doing. A good way to do this, in general, would be to place the character away from all the hustle and bustle for a time of reflection. Don't get me wrong, this is probably going to be the most difficult part to write, but if you can do that well, the rest of the story will come as a breeze to you.
Before I crush your grammar, I would make some suggestions on your probable course of action before publishing.
Step 1: Stop!
Take a deep breath, clear the story from your mind. If it takes a day, two or more, do it.
Step 2: Read your draft. Aloud.
I've often encountered writers who are too stubborn to do this step. They view that reading silently to themselves is sufficient to spot errors and improvement. Let me blast this notion from your mind.
It is not. When you read, the part of you that really wants to exert is your storyteller. Let them surface. Let it live. Do it in front of the toilet mirror if you have to find some privacy, but do it nonetheless. Imagine a large crowd in front of you that you are entertaining with the story. Trust me, you will begin to see errors or improvements in places you never thought it could possibly present itself.
Caveat: You will require a good grasp of what English should sound like. I recommend listening to audiobooks read by English gentlemen, they are much better enunciated.
Step 3: Post for another person's view.
Let's get on with the best part, shall we?

After the bell rang, my classmates and I assembled in the open ground floor of one of the school blocks.

https://youtu.be/lAnOylx4J3E
Listen from 0:48 for a little advice.
What is "I" seeing? Even I don't know! We readers need to build this world up from what we read, not what is in the writer's mind at the time of writing.

We were readying ourselves for Physical Education class. It wasn’t really a class though since we learned nothing about it and instead was allowed by teacher to play any sport we wanted.

The amount of fallen articles in here must surely be as many as that of the following.

Well, technically, "our" is not an article, but this sounds more fun. Specifically, you missed out on an "our" and an "the." I will not place them for you, as I feel that if you read the sentences enough times, you will discover their proper location.
[img]Today,%20the%20girls%20wanted%20to%20play%20futsal%20while%20the%20boys%20football.[/img]
Two words. Read. Aloud.
Either you lack two commas, are in a coma, or "football" has become a verb. I really need gifs.

the teacher seemed content with that and resumed his reading of a magazine while we moved to the field next to us.

One does not indicate a resumption of an activity without first indicating that it is in occurrence and that it has been halted, for whatever reason. I will give you a sample of what I mean.
Our P.E. teacher slumped on his beach chair, lazily eying us with one eye, the other fixated on a fashion magazine. I turn to smirk at a classmate. I think he caught me moving, because he growled a cough and stood up.
"Well, what do you want to do?"
"Umm," a boy behind me spoke out, "football?"
"No! We always play football! I don't want to get mud on my shoes, lets play futsal instead. Or better yet, foosball!" I recognized [insert name here]'s voice, she was always complaining.
"Ok, ok," I could sense the teacher wanted the discussion to stop so that he could go back to his magazine. He declared with a dismissing hand, "Girls futsal, boys football."
With that, he slumped back into his paper.
See what I just did? I added life into a lifeless paragraph. Your characters are living, not just ink on paper. Treat them with some respect.

When I stepped on it, I inspected the surrounding.

I want to be ultra-clear. What do you mean by "it"? Is it the teacher's magazine? Because if you read your paragraph without my comments, it becomes the magazine, and I would very much suspect the teacher would not like it at all.

Scarlet was with me, floating around me with a sense of slowness that indicated his boredom.

There is too much of me in this sentence. Less of me, more of not me. Repetition bores readers, for the sole reason that it is bulky and gives them a sense that the writer is stalling for words. What does the word "float around" bring to your mind? The emotions? Is it not one of wonder and awe? Tap into that. Bring out something worthy of those emotions. You are a creature of emotion communicating to others of the same, this is the bond between you and us readers. Make use of it, don't use it in a threadbare fashion.

However, I raised my eyebrow to the Blue House members and he followed my gaze, stopping his floating. The members were having a running practice, and a group of five boys a year younger than me lined up on the running track.

I lumped these two together for ease of reading. I actually have separate comments for them. One does not raise one's eyebrow to a group of person as an indication to a third party of a direction in which one is paying attention to. One may raise a toast, one may raise a fist, one may raise one's voice. One's eyebrow must be tilted or if you want to be more artistic, tossed towards the group you want to notice, but first you must indicate whose attention you are wanting to get to follow your lead. If you want to use raise, the sentence can become awkward, but of course I cannot rule out its use.
I would also comment on the last phrase of this sentence. I am thinking there is too muching inging ing it. When you can be concise, be.
Regarding the second sentence, there is a tense conflict occurring. See what I did there?

They started to run like they were born for it but one of them caught my attention. I didn’t know his name but I did know he couldn’t run this fast. He was among the fastest runners of students of his age but he wasn’t this fast. Usually, he was the last person to pass the finishing line but today, he seemed to lead the others. I frowned, my hands playing with the pocket of my black sports shorts.

Introduce "he", otherwise the only thing I can possibly do is hehehehehe...He is running in a group of boys who are one year junior to MC, so, obviously he is in a group of his own age. And what exactly is "this fast"? Sayang, like this how can? You must tell us more details, like did she see him run so fast that he made huge gains on the others? Did he finish in record time? What is fast? Maybe he was as fast as a snail but everyone else kena stomachache? #itzliddat
Also your pocket sibei funny. Kong simi? You wear your shorts inside out is it? Maybe its better to say "I fidgeted my hand into my black shorts pocket, my mind racing with him" Better, right?

“Hmm,” Scarlet hummed and floated a bit closer to the scene. “It’s not clear but I think I see a yellow light, Flax, at his back, following him from behind.”

The dialogue can be more accurate and playful. Don't use the word "scene" as it makes it sound like a crime scene. Instead, use "track." In this way, your story has consistency, something that readers can base their imagination on without you being too boring.
If Scarlett identifies the light as Flax, don't use the article "a" but instead use "his." If Flax is the boy's name, the entire dialogue becomes overly complicated, and hard to read. Rule 1: write something the readers can comprehend with ease, unless you are writing a "brainy" story and this is your aim.
With regards to playful, use "his behind" instead of "him from behind." It gets the image across and lightens the mood.

This unusualness was not a coincidence or natural, then. I looked at the boy, running faster and faster by the moments, blurring himself to the point where I was afraid others thought was unusual. I shook my head. “That was too fast. Did he sync with his light this fast?”

Regarding the phrase bolded, rephrase it better. "...where I was afraid others would find it unusual too." Also why would I be afraid? Am I part of some secret society? Yes I am!
Shaking one's head is an indication of disbelief. The MC's final question is far too passive. One does not simply express disbelieve passively. Use a more forceful disbelief. "How did he do that? Sync, I mean!" Three roads of connection to your reader. Emotion. Detail. A sense of awe. Remember these very closely.

Scarlet moved up and down. “Some people synchronize with their lights faster than others, according to my resources,” he said.

Your descriptive power suffered a relapse here. From floating to mere movement seems like a downgrade. Use powerful words. Jingled? Quaked? (If fearful) or if playful you could even use flirted! That stretches the meaning of the word, but readers will get a sense of what you want to convey in emotional terms as well as giving a sense of motion.
My resources didn't tell me anything. My research, my sources, my database. Possible words. Research is flat, lifeless.

“I think I should check on him,” I said, changing the path of my walk to the Blue House members.

My walk also can change paths. Now I walk on a path of Blue House members.

Revision could possibly be: I said, striding away towards the Blue House members.

Not even after two steps, someone grabbed my hand. I turned around, and it was Dahlia, my friend and classmate.

I turned around, and lo and behold! It was Dahlia! Thankfully i turned around otherwise it would not have been Dahlia! What kind of relationship exists between Dahlia and me? Don't ask, we're "just friends"!
For the first phrase, use "Not even two steps in, a hand yanked me around. It was Dahlia, my long lost lover...." Ok, maybe a stretch but you get the point. The transitions must be smooth and natural. You are not writing with Lego blocks are you?

She frowned. “Where are you going?” She looked ahead of me and smiled, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. “They’re too young for you. Come on, they’re going to start playing,” she said, and dragged me to the futsal court.

Two much repetition of "she", quite literally. Thoughts flow, they're not art-and-craft pieces.
The last dialogue has "they" referring to two separate groups. This is not good. "They" must be contrasted with" us" or "we." Get it?
Hey! When someone drags me, I just follow! I do not explain my actions, I do not protest, I do not wear yellow or red shirts (only we would understand), and I don't even follow sheepishly. I. Just. Get. Dragged. Like. A. Rag. Doll.

I spared a few seconds looking at the Blue House members. At least I knew their form. I only needed to find their classes. Scarlet followed me to the court. I looked at him and wondered if he could talk to the yellow light the boy had. I would discuss this with him later.

I knew a guy who was fastest in his year, or among the fastest, yet have no idea what his name could possibly be. Also consider how your actions jump without concluding. First I look at the boys then suddenly Scarlet is following me to the court. Did Dahlia let me stare for awhile? Suddenly Dahlia has been muted from my life even though she is dragging me to the futsal court?
And most interesting is how the MC automatically can tell the future. I would discuss this later. No, I didn't consider that I might not. This is certain, a surety. I didn't make a point of remembering to speak of it. I knew I would.

The class was noisy again. It helped me, however. I could talk with Scarlet without being noticed by everyone. My seat was near the open window, so the gentle breeze through it relaxed me despite the loud atmosphere. It was a different case for Scarlet, however. I looked at him, floating besides me on an empty seat that was supposed to belong to Sarah. She didn’t come today despite telling me she would.

We are officially back in the class without having touched a single ball. Not a game, either. The class was noisy, but from what? The fans were creaking? The windows were shattering? Or was there a boisterous crowd of classmates? It seems like the latter is a good replacement for noisy.
Something helped me, in that it could allow an event. All together in the present. The two sentences are choppy. Like too much fish in too little otak. It is best to rewrite that.
"The" open window. Its not just any open window. It was "the" open window. When you introduce that it is a different case for Scarlet, after saying you were relaxed, you cannot go on to say that Sarah did not come, you must speak of the condition that Scarlet is in.
Also Sarah didn't come today should be replaced by hadn't come today.

Scarlet was vibrating vigorously. “What is wrong with these people? Why are they noisy? It’s frustrating!” he said, whining.

Sarah comes in only after this. Also put more frustration into frustration. Vigorous vibration means frustration according to this sentence, but I think anxious vibration is a better capture of the moment. Don't you?

I chuckled. “Humans at their best,” I said, nodding to a large crowd of students chatting with each other. They were a combination of popular chicks and cool jocks. At least, that was what everyone said.

There was "a" large group, indicating that there was another large group. How many large groups and of what size approximately? This gives reader a better interpretation.
Attack of the Clichés! Pop chick cool jocks always together! Let's celebrate their nuisance with large parties! Seriously, avoid avoiding secondary character development by reference to clichés. It makes you as a writer less interesting.

I groaned. I should approach the boy then. “You keep talking about this synchronization. How do you synchronize with me?” I said, leaning forward to him.

I should approach the boy, not a decision people tell themselves in the heat of the moment. I would have to approach, by far less decisive in tone, better for hard decisions.
I would have thought that by this time the process of synchronization would have been discussed and we would have moved on to frustration at its continuation.

I fiddled with my pen, deep in thought. How could I approach the boy? He was a year younger than me, so I knew he was in Form Four. And he was in Blue House members. Oh wait! I could just ask Sarah. She was the secretary of the house, so she should have a list of Form Four members. And to narrow it down, a list of the selected runners! I smiled, satisfied with my triumphant solution.

The sudden appearance of the pen is sudden. Develop the story. No need to rush. Did i deliberately take out stationary. Was it already on the table. Did someone throw it at me through the window? Perhaps Scarlet transformed into a pen!
Ex Machina Sarah! Although it is not wrong to do so, the convenient solution seems too convenient. Coincidence is fine, but unless there is a purpose to it, you should veil it discreetly.

Scarlet interrupted my thought. “I saw another red light, Carmine, and a purple light, Mauvine. They were less revealing than the yellow light, and disappeared as soon as I saw them. Rest assured, their human companions are in Form Five as I figured out soon.”

I, for one, talk of revealing clothing and stories, but never had I thought that a light could be less revealing than another. This concept is clearly interesting.
Also, tense conflict in progress! I figured something out already, not soon!

I dropped my face to the table. Meeting a light was hard enough, now there were two more of them? I messed with my hair the same way everything had messed with my mind. I was having a normal - horrible but normal nonetheless - life, and I suddenly had to play the heroine. I hoped Imran was here; he should know what to do since he was experienced in this. I made a mental note to discuss about this with him further at home.

From the later phrases, "meeting a light was hard enough" actually meant that the actual meeting was difficult?
Switch "hoped" with "wished". Hope indicates a higher probability of it being true than wish. Also because MC already knew where they could go to discuss hence MC knew Imran's location.

Scarlet said, mentioning about what we were facing against in details for the first time.

Mentioning what about? The sentence is awkward. You need to write it a way that is easy to read. Removing about and the "s" in "details" would help greatly

being evasive out of a sudden.

At first, Scarlet was evasive in a sudden. Then suddenly this place known as sudden became uninhabitable, and so Scarlet became evasive out of it.

I dropped my face again. I knew Scarlet was hiding something but since I couldn’t figure out what, I couldn’t prove my suspicion.

Whatever it was, maybe now was no the time to think about it. Not only I needed to find the good lights, I also needed to be careful with bad ones. Well, the things to do just become harder and harder through time.

Typo. No should be not.
"I needed to" is the wrong formation. It should be "did I need to"
"Become" replace with "became".
There! That's the tough part! It always takes me several hours to do that haha! In any case, not too bad, but you need more flesh, more story to the story.
With regards to your character, I would advise having some clear pattern by which we can recognize without tags who is speaking. Add robotic stutter, human stutter, or something unique to each character.
Right now it all seems like everyone is speaking with the same speech impediment.

Alright that is all. Hope to see another piece soon! Terimah Kasih!

keystrings says...

You made me laugh so hard with all of your pictures and comments. You really wrote a brilliant review.

Lightsong says...

Thanks for the review, fellow Malaysian.

PiesAreSquared says...

You're both welcome very much! I'm songaporean, not Malaysian, but still all the same hey?

Lightsong says...

You... YOU DECEIVE ME! D:

PiesAreSquared says...

You may very wekl think so, I couldn't possibly comment!

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Bad Lights, Good Lights [Chapter 2.1]

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