The beautiful galaxy

Thanks guys i fixed my mistakes and now i hope it looks better

I like the poem. There are a few spelling mistakes. The flow of the poem is great. The lenght of the poem is fine. I think people will love this poem. I hope you will keep writing poems and/or stories too. There is not that much that I can say is bad about this poem. I think you did a great job on this poem.

Hey Lifeblood.

Your poem was very interesting. I loved the imagery, and the idea was original and fun to read.

However, as Kamas said, the rhyme is a bit immature. It did seem a little childish, but I think you can make it work.

That said, read your poem aloud! Not just in your mind, but speak it. You'll find a lot of choppy or weird-sounding phrases that you won't be able to catch otherwise. You'll make your poems a lot better too by reading them aloud and editing the sentences you don't like.

You see all those planets
and they seem to be very far
but if you look very closely
you might get to see a star.
They are mighty gasseus giants
that sit around and float
but if you mannage to get neer one
you might not want your coat.
Their heat is very scorching
and life cannot go on
like a fire on a tourch
its the great stars song.
but on some you might catch
this very big round ring,
and with is sparkling greatness
the angels begin to sing.
the milky way is this ring
and it is made of very fine silver
and if you use you imagination
it will almost look like a river.
So as you look up to the sky
and see this glourious beauty
just think about what i said and
you will adore this beautiful galaxy.

Hiya Lifeblood.

Kamas here for a quick review. This is an interesting poem, I found the idea enjoyable and original.

But the poem itself is a little bit immaturely rhymed. I always find rhyming poems childish, as it is hard to get a stupendous rhyming poem.

Well my biggest issue though, is the lack of spell checking. There is a 'check spelling' button in the top right corner when you post. Clicking that will remove all the distracting misspellings .

The errors are in bold:

You see all those planets
and they seem to be very far
but if you look very closely
you might get to see a star.
They are mighty gasseus giants
that sit around and float
but if you mannage to get neer one
you might not want your coat.
Their heat is very scorching
and life cannot go on
like a fire on a tourch
its the great stars song.
but on some you might catch
this very big round ring,
and with is sparkling greatness
the angels begin to sing.
the milky way is this ring
and it is made of very fine silver
and if you use you imagination
it will almost look like a river.
So as you look up to the sky
and see this glourious beauty
just think about what i said and
you will adore this beautiful galaxy.