This is incredibly well-written! The emotion is very "in your face" and inescapable. This seems like lyrical poetry to me, in which case, all of it makes sense except for the very last verse. Having created my own tone for your words, this comes across as a rap. Personally, I despise rap. Professionally, I would suggest that in order to express such dark lyrics, aim for a darker genre. My personal favorite is heavy metal. If indeed this was intended as lyrical poetry, I would recommend that you give it a heavy sound, because there is so much heavy meaning. I have heard many amazing stories that simply knocked my socks off, and as a final opinion I would have to say that while it's not perfect, it is REALLY D***ED GOOD. best of luck to you.