z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Forgotten

by Lib


"There's a potluck at the community center today!" Kaila exclaimed into the phone. The eighteen-year-old boy, Will, groaned at the other end.

"Another one? Didn't we just have one yesterday?" He sighed. He knew what was coming. There was no point in arguing with Kaila, his fifteen-year-old cousin who was in love with beanie-boos. She can persuade you to do whatever she wants. "What time?" He said, looking at his watch. He wished he had stuff to do at that time.

"It's at lunch so like around one o`clock-ish." Kaila chirped. Will could tell she was grinning ear to ear right now. He checked his calendar then sighed. "I'll be there." 

Kaila squealed, "See you in an hour!" Then, she ended the call. Will frowned, in an hour? He looked at the clock and rolled out of bed. It was twelve. He got up and combed his blond hair. He slipped on some comfy but nice clothes and brushed his teeth as he scrolled through some posts on Instagram. 

When he looked at the clock, it was already 12:45 pm. Time flies when you don't want to go somewhere. He rolled his eyes at the thought. Walking out of his apartment he went to the elevator and waited. He looked at the time. 

It was 12:50 pm. He shifted from one foot to the other. The elevator still wasn't here. He ditched it and ran down the stairs to the parking lot. Dashing to his BMW, he started the engine and raced off. It was a miracle he wasn't caught by the police.

"Damn! I was supposed to bring something!" He cursed when he reached the center. How could I have forgotten? It was only 12:55 pm. He still had five minutes. Quickly, Will bought three cakes at the convenience store nearby. Ding dong, dong ding, ding dong, dong ding! That was his phone. While carrying the cakes in one hand, he pulled out his phone. Kaila. He declined her call. She was just going to ask him to hurry up and that the potluck was starting soon. 

It was exactly one o`clock when he had reached the center. He was relieved that he didn't have to hear Kaila scolding him about how late he was even if he was just a minute late. This girl was strict on time! He smiled as he finally sat down on one of the chairs and relaxed. There was a table full of food at the front, but he didn't want to eat right now. He could do that later. Just once he was done sleeping. . .

"Excuse me?" A soft voice said.

"What?" Will snapped. He wanted to sleep!

"Are you William McDougall?" The person tapped on his shoulder. Will looked up suspiciously then glared at the brunette. The woman squealed like a two-year-old. She looked to be about as if she were in her late twenties maybe. "Indeed you are!" She stuck out her hand so Will could shake it, but it was ignored. "How are you doing these days? Remember when you used to come over to my house all the time? Oh, and that time we went to the park? That's where you lost your very first tooth and oh. . ." The woman looked so happy. She kept on chattering on and on and on.

Will zoned her out. She looked so familiar! He tried bringing back some memories. She was a petite lady and had brown hair. She was quite plump too with her huge gray colored eyes. Yeah, I don't know this lady. Let alone her name!

"Um, I'm sorry I'm interrupting, but uh. . ." William trailed off. She wasn't gonna stop talking very soon. "EXCUSE ME?" He said loudly. The woman shut up. "May I know your name?" The woman frowned. 

"I used to babysit you all the time. How could you forget me?" She pouted then stuck out her tongue. 

"Can I know your name, please?" Will said, this is getting so annoying.

"Oh, yes, of course." She smiled. "Jessica Wyatt." She grinned. Oh. . . My babysitter! How could I have forgotten?

A few minutes later, Will and Jessica were chatting about what they loved most, their hobbies, their education, and about everything that had happened when they were apart. From afar, at a table near the window, Kaila smiled. Her plan had succeeded. 

.

A/N: This literally happened to me a few days ago. This lady comes up to me like, hi! You're so much older now! Do you still like horses and barbies? And I just stare at her like. . . What do you think? I hate barbies and love horses. May I know your name? 

Gee, I really wish this doesn't happen to me again. I feel so guilty for forgetting them after they tell me gazillions of stories about what we used to do together. 

I never did remember who this lady was. A few memories are coming back, but. . . Whatever. She seems nice, though. :) Hope you enjoyed reading, by the way. 


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99 Reviews


Points: 48
Reviews: 99

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Tue May 21, 2019 5:41 am
Tawsif wrote a review...



A pretty decent work, liberty. Well done.

Let's get to the review.

I like the story's plot pretty much: A boy suddenly comes across his babysitter and begins sharing old, sweet memories. It's a good plot for writing a story.

'She looked to be about as if she were in her late twenties maybe.'

This sentence looks inconsistent. You can either go with 'she looked as if she were in her late twenties' or 'she looked to be around her late twenties'.

You have a number of areas in this story where you could really emphasize and deepen the emotions of the characters. Like the annoyance in the MC when he meets his babysitter, the disappointment in the babysitter when she sees the MC doesn't remember her, the regret of the MC when he finds out the lady sitting before him is his babysitter, and so on. With strong dialogues and narrations, you could grab more of your reader's attention.

Overall, the story reads pretty good. Keep writing.




Lib says...


Thanks! I'll look into that. :)



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461 Reviews


Points: 7451
Reviews: 461

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Mon May 20, 2019 11:54 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



What is that? Over there? It's a review on the Horisun! :D

I really enjoyed this story. From what I could tell, the grammar was fine except one line where you forgot to put a coma before the but. "some comfy but nice cloths"
Really, the only other thing I wanted to point out was the title, 'Forgotten' maybe it's just me, but that title sets a darker tone, so when it started, I was a little confused. Again, it might just be how I see things.
As always, keep on writing! :D




Lib says...


Forgotten is just like, he foregets things all the time. He forgot to bring food, and he forgot his babysitter. Ya know what I mean?
And, thanks for the review! I'll get to the clothes thing. :D




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