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Young Writers Society


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Fairy Diary | Day 1

by Lib


Hi Diary! My name is Lily.

I have quite a large family that includes my two older sisters whose names are Lea and Layla. I also have two brothers whose names are, Louis and Luke. My parents' names are Lucas and Laurenda. You may have noticed that all our names start with an 'L'. Because that's how every fairy family works. There's only 26 families. And, there's only 26 letters. :)

My parents have put a lot of rules in front of our fairy little faces.

1. We can never call any HUMAN friends over. Because they can harm our fairy delicate bodies and wings. Luke always says that he has the strongest body and wings in the entire kingdom. But, the thing is, he's the WEAKEST in the kingdom.

2. NO PETS! Nobody actually argues with that rule because, ya know, we little fairies are fairy allergic to any type of animal.

Well, anyways. Today was the first day of the fifth year of Fairy Academy. There's this new fairy named Andrealama. She looks like a devil, because her hair is shaped as a devil's horn, all the time. Me and my bestie -Emalia- are always chosen for school president, we were discussing earlier that we should blame Andrealama for something Naughty Stevenamo has done. So, that's what we did.

~ ~ ~

Later in the week at lunch time, while me and Emalia were sitting on our favorite spot -under a willow tree- we noticed that Stevenamo was doing graffiti on the academy walls.

Both of us thought the exact same thing at the exact same time.

The two of us got up and brushed our skirts and flew towards Stevenamo. We fibbed and told him that the spray cans were for a science project and that we couldn't find any at Fairy-Mart.

I innocently fluttered my eyes at him, because, who WOULDN'T fall for that?! He shoved most of the spray cans into our freshly manicured hands and flew away to play with his fairy naughty friends. Emalia held me by my elbow and dragged me into the academy.

I yelled at her to stop because my elbow was hurting since she was digging her fingernails into my skin. To get revenge, I playfully elbowed her in the ribs and flew away, laughing.

As I turned around to look for Emalia I saw Headmaster behind her. His eyebrows were raised up in suspicion as he saw the spray cans in our hands. We told a little white lie and said that we saw them on the academy grounds and that we were going to put them away. 

By "away", I mean, away in Andrealama's locker.

Emalia and I grinned and flew away as the bell rung in the quiet corridors. I gave Emalia a quick one-armed hug and wished good-bye as she flied down to her locker. Unfortunately, my locker is right next to Andrealama's. As the corridors started to fill up, I rush to take my belongings and wished another good-bye to Emalia as I flied home.

~Lily


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Sat Sep 03, 2022 2:53 am
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hi Liberty, it's your least favorite Jade here to review your first ever Fairy Diaries chapter! Let's just go ahead and let me start by saying the maturity you showed at the age you posted this is amazing, and I applaud the talent you had at a young age.

Right off the bat, the line My parents have put a lot of rules in front of our fairy little faces. disrupts the flow. If they're fairies, it's their species, why say fairy? We wouldn't say our human faces, our koala faces, so this immediately took me out of the story. Maybe mention how your wings drooped or something, but this is a bit too obvious!

Me and my bestie -Emalia- are always chosen for school president, there's more than one school president? If the two have the same lunch period, they're probably in the same grade, right? This could be clarified a little better!

I innocently fluttered my eyes at him YOU HAD A CHANCE TO SAY WINGS AND YOU DIDN'T?! This is a cute line, though, and shows off the character and her values. As long as this remains consistent or we see growth, that would be super cool.

Overall, this is a sweet little series that I love to read. Your writing has gotten so good, but it is definitely far from bad in this. I hope you enjoyed writing it as much as I do reading it :)


ya girl hjade




Lib says...


"as long as this remains consistent or we see growth, that would be super cool"

prepare to be disappointed



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Thu Sep 01, 2022 1:37 am
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I like this so far! I’ll be sure to check out more! I feel bad for Andrealama. I think she’s a nice person with the unfortunate curse of having horn-shaped hair. Lily and Emalia sound like bullies. Should I like the protagonist? Or is she a gray character?Whatever the case, I hope this problem can be sorted out. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I think the thing with the twenty-six families is interesting. I hope that you will have a nice day!




Lib says...


ahhhh this is from almost 4 years ago and someone aHEM @LadyBug brought it up

have a good day!



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Wed Aug 31, 2022 10:12 pm
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LadyBug says...



This is a great story, but it could be better.




Lib says...


no



LadyBug says...


yes.



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Thu Feb 13, 2020 4:35 pm
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2Stareyes says...



COOL! Wow that was really well written!
Why are the girls so mean to Andrealama? Can we get some more backstory?
How old is Lily?
I did not know fairies are allergic to pets!
What grade is this school?
Thank you for your great work! I cant wait to read more!




Lib says...


Aw, thanks!!



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Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:27 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi, Shikora here with a review for you on this lovely day.

Let's get to it shall we?

What I like
Okay first off, I really like the name to this story you have here. It was really interesting, and after I saw you ask for someone to come review this, I just had to find out what this story is about.

Characters
So from what I can tell so far. Lily is just writing down the events for the day in her diary, which is cool, I've never read this type of writing before. And so for I'm really liking it.

I like the way you have introduced you characters so far, it wasn't fast. So it didn't feel rushed. All though I would like to have a little more description in what Emalia looks like, you didn't really do much. But that's not really a big thing.

Plot
The next thing I'm interested about is how the plot for your story is going to go. I don't really know how your going to do it, so I'm going to read the next chapter soon to find out what will happen next.

Mistakes

So this here is just a really small spelling mistake. And it will be really easy to fix

We can never call any HUMAN friends over.

The word in bold, do you mean to say ever?

Over all comments

Now I would love to go into grammar, but sadly I'm not the best when it comes to stories, XD. So I really liked reading and reviewing this for you, and I do hope to see more of your works out on YWS soon, and I'll get to reviewing them right after I've reviewed all your chapters, hopefully. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D

Happy review day.

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Wed Jan 02, 2019 7:26 pm
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Que wrote a review...



Howdy, Liberty!
Honestly, this story brings me back to when I was a kid--I was super obsessed with fairies! So I guess that's what brings me here to review your story today. :)

The first thing I might mention is the diary format--it works well when you're listing the fairy rules, but it makes your story sound very "telling" rather than "showing" when you get to the action bits. I tried to write a story within a blog format and ended up finding it very constricting because I couldn't write outside of the rules I'd set for myself. I don't know if you'll find that too, but you might want to consider having the diary entries alongside the story itself as a supplement rather than a complete format.

I have quite a large family that includes my two older sisters whose names are Lea and Layla. I also have two brothers whose names are, Louis and Luke. My parents' names are Lucas and Laurenda. You may have noticed that all our names start with an 'L'. Because that's how every fairy family works. There's only 26 families. And, there's only 26 letters. :)

I like the whole letter thing, with the 26 families and 26 letters! That's pretty neat. However, the thing with introducing the family is a little bit stereotypical and not the most exciting way to start off your story. It could be interesting to give this intro a little more flare by adding some action, maybe like this:
Sorry about the tear down the middle of the page! Louis and Luke, my brothers, were teasing me about this diary and they tore it from my hands. My parents had to step in to get it back! My dad is Lucas--he's pretty intimidating--and my mom is Laurenda. I also have two sisters...

That way, you can still introduce the whole family, but in a little bit more interesting way, in my opinion!

We can never call any HUMAN friends over.

If they go to a fairy academy, how do they meet human friends?

fairies are fairy allergic to any type of animal.

That's pretty severe! How do they get along in the world they're living in? Animals are everywhere! Maybe you could add some clarity to this later on.

Me and my bestie -Emalia- are always chosen for school president, we were discussing earlier that we should blame Andrealama for something Naughty Stevenamo has done.

A small thing to note, but this bit in bold doesn't really fit in with the rest of the sentence. Besides, can two people really be chosen for president? Or is it just Emalia? In any case, you might want to rearrange it to look something like this:
I was hanging out with my bestie Emalia--every year we're ((she's)) always chosen for school president. We were discussing earlier that we should blame Andrealama for something Naughty Stevenamo has done.


"Dear, why do you have spray cans in your hands?" the headmaster questioned. "Uh, we, um, j-j-just saw th-th-these laying on the grounds s-so we thought to th-th-throw them away." Emalia spluttered.

"Good," he complimented. "I hope no one gets in trouble."

Both me and Emalia flinched at that last sentence once headmaster walked away with his famous-long-stride-walking act.

The Headmaster doesn't seem very keen--he isn't really worried about the fact that these girls have spray cans in their hands, but yet they're still scared when he mentions getting in trouble. I think the Headmaster should be either one or the other: kindly and not very observant, or else stricter and willing to stop trouble. His behavior here is a little odd--if he didn't want anyone to get in trouble, he should simply take the spray cans away and throw them out himself. Sorry if that was a little confusing, I hope that made some sense.

RING-RING-RING-RING!

Ah--getting back to my point about the diary, this isn't something that one would actually write down in a diary, so that's just something you want to consider formatting wise.

You've got a very interesting story here. I wonder if Emalia and Lily realize that they're nearly as bad as the "naughty" Stevanamo? I predict that they'll be entirely wrong about the new girl and maybe they'll even be friends with her one day. For now, though, they're quite the pranksters! On the whole, I'd like to see some more description. There are fairies in this world and we hardly know anything about them! Do they all have wings? Are they tiny or human-sized? What does the world look like to them? So far, any of these events could have happened in a normal human school--so what makes this different? I'd just love to see some more things about the fairies!

Great job with your first chapter, though--you left us on a cliffhanger for sure! If I've got time today I'll probably pop over to read your second chapter. Good luck on future writing!

-Q




Lib says...


Thank you soooo much for this review! It really helped! Can you do me a favor by Checking out Fairy Diary | Day 2?



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Thu Dec 20, 2018 1:59 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



I found it very interesting. I like the fairy pun! The Description was good too. However,
There's no mention of the headmaster name. I found that odd.
Also, all pets? What's considered a pet in this world? Dogs and cats? Goldfish?
Next, this may be something you plan to do, but I'd love to see more about the humans.
Finally, in the last paragraph you switched from past tense to a present one. That through me off a bit.

Over all, a good read! Keep writing!




Lib says...


I did not notice the present and past tense situation. That's something I really have to work on.
A pet in Fairy World would probably be insects (bees, ladybugs, ants, leeches, etc.) The headmaster is a mystery, you'll have to read the other diary days to find out his name. And you'll find out about the humans too, but later... :)



Lib says...


Can you check it again, and please tell me if there is anymore past or present tense problem? Thank you!

~Liberty500



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Thu Dec 20, 2018 1:27 am
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Lib says...



Hello!

If anybody has any reviews or comments, then, SPILL THE BEANS! (Not literally though)

~Liberty500





Everything’s edible if you’re immortal.
— Feltrix