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12+ Language


by Liberty

A/N: I'd like it if you could tell me something or the other how to get rid of people like these. They're annoying, and I hate them. They follow me around like a dog. Advice would be appreciated, as would reviews. <3

Lily, Rose, Petunia, and I were sitting on the stairs that led down to the basement of the Center where everyone was having the time of their lives, enjoying, chatting, eating. It was half past five, and now Lily said, "Oop, mum just texted me. I gotta go." and after a minute, "Oh, and dad texted me too."

Rose and Petunia giggled, and I smiled. "Okay. See ya." I got up to hug her, and she squeezed me a tad too tight, as usual. Lily left, leaving Rose, Petunia, and I with nothing to talk about. She was usually the one who made the conversation flow, and got rid of any awkwardness. Petunia's brother came running down the stairs from the first floor, where all the kids usually hung out and played games.

"How 'bout we go up and watch over the kiddos?" Petunia offered, getting up. Not waiting for an answer from me, Rose and she trotted up the stairs, onto the landing, and walked up the rest of the steps.

"Wait up, guys." I groaned. Getting up, I quickly checked my phone for any texts from Mom or Dad - nothing. Grabbing my cup of water, I walked up the steps. When I was on the landing, I felt something bump against my legs. "Oh!" the voice gasped. It was Tabitha. The three year old girl who stole my lip balm, and my phone once.

"What are you doing?" Crouching down to her height, I grinned.

She smiled mischievously and 'gracefully' walked down the stairs. I shook my head. Drama queen.

I entered the open hall. Petunia and Rose were sitting in the corner, giggling. Their eyes kept on averting to a nice-looking girl. I rolled my eyes. The relationships them two end up with never go well. Never. I plopped down next to them, and instantly, they shut up. "What up?" I asked casually. They shook their heads. "I know you like her. Both of you do." They burst into a fit of giggles again. I don't see why. We're not cringey teens anymore who giggle every time we see someone good-looking. Being in university toughened me up, but I think it just softened them two. 

Nice-Looking Girl got up and left. 

We started talking about essays and how much we hate our professors. 

"Oh! There's this guy, I know him, he's super cute, and he's been asking me out, and people keep on interrupting me whenever he comes close to me. We were meant to be but everyone butts into out conversations." Rose shook her head disapprovingly. 

I looked away and scowled. She sure thinks her life is messed up.

Petunia sighed, "I know. People never leave me alone either, honestly. My younger brother never lets me study in peace; drones on and on about his girlfriend. It's so stupid."

"Girlfriends aren't stupid. I'd like one." Rose snarled. 

"You know I didn't mean it that way." Petunia said quickly.

Sweeping over the room again, I looked back at the girls, and Petunia suddenly ask me, "How's your life?"

"Worse than yours." I muttered, just loud enough for only them two to hear me.

Rose shrugged. "I dunno, man, everything's been tough. Mum won't leave me alone. Always tells me I wear clothes that are too tight." she rolled her eyes up to the ceiling - and pretended to observe it for a while. "Oof, and don't even start on Father."

Petunia let out a moan. "Professor William told me I had to come to class half an hour earlier than everyone for a lecture about not smoking in class. I needed it at that time." she added in a 'duh' tone.

These two aren't grateful for what they've got at all, I noticed.

"Anyways. Anything new going on, Daisy?" Rose asked me, urging me to talk.

I looked at my hands. "Mum's got lung cancer now."

Petunia let out a gasp, and I could see Rose's eyes widening.

I decided to continue. "And all you lot are whining about is stupid crushes and how much you hate your mothers. Well guess what? I might not have one anymore. She's had stage four breast cancer at first, and she was lucky to weasel outta that. And now lung cancer. I basically have the entire house to take care of. Dad's been at work twenty-four-seven, trying to raise his salaries." I started scratching off my nail polish.

"You're both being brats. Whining like stupid babies, when there's much more going on in the world. You should be grateful that you're alive and you're talking to each other right now. Someone might be dying out there, and you guys? Pfft." my voice wavered.

Rose exhaled. "We -"

I cut her off by standing up. "You what?" Looking down a her, I realized my vision was blurred. And I felt something wet fall down my cheek. "You understand? No you don't. You know what it's like? No. You didn't mean to? No. All you guys have to whine about is sh*tty stuff. You should be grateful for once!" 

In the beginning my voice was quiet and soft. By now, it had grown louder, and it was echoing off the walls. The kids had stopped playing, and they were all staring at me now. I didn't care.

Petunia and Rose got up to their feet, and they looked like they had been slapped. 

"You're both horrible." I spat. "And I hope you learnt your lesson. Be grateful for what you've got."

And I left, my eyes blurred, my heart aching, my brain numb.

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26 Reviews

Points: 256
Reviews: 26

Mon Nov 04, 2019 10:50 pm
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DariaTheGirlWhoLovesPizza wrote a review...

Hi. Here to review

First off can definitely relate. I really hate when people complain about their parents, especially bc they don’t even see how much they have. Yeah very frustrating. My parents divorced when I was 7, after my mom “left.” So I totally understand where this came from.

Also if this is actually true and your mom does have cancer, then I’m sorry. I’ve never had a family member with cancer but I’ve lost quite a few so... Hang in there.

So Yeah, as frustrating as ungrateful people can be it’s kinda hard to see the good when all you ever have is good. Because if everything’s good, then nothings good. Idk if that makes sense but... You truly never know how good you have it until you lose something and then it all goes downhill.

Anyway, the only critique I really have is maybe add some more description as to what the girls looked like. I know that’s not the main focus of this, but I feel I’d be able to visualize it better.

And idk abt advice. I have a friend like this, he complains abt everything. Yet he has 2 loving parents, tons of amazing friends, he’s popular, and has a nice house.

So yeah, signing out 😄


Liberty says...

Thanks for the review. And yeah, my mom does have cancer and did, as well. It's super frustrating and I usually go to bed with negetive thoughts, if ya know what I mean. Anyways, thanks!

User avatar
68 Reviews

Points: 3417
Reviews: 68

Mon Nov 04, 2019 8:28 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hey, there. This story makes a really good point that many of us could definitely afford to ponder. I'm glad you've taken on the task of illustrating that point.

I noticed a few things that could stand to be polished up. First of all, one thing I have pointed out in several people's writing is the correct use of punctuation to end quotations. So take this sentence for example:
"You know I didn't mean it that way." Petunia said quickly.
I'd just point out that whenever a quotation is followed by explanatory material, such as "she said," etc., the quotation should close with a comma. Unless, of course, the words between the quotation marks are a question, in which case the quotation would obviously close with a question mark. These kinds of things don't detract from the meaning of what's written, it's just sort of a pet peeve of mine because I notice a lot of grammatical and punctuation things. So just keep an eye out for stuff like that.

This sentence could also use some polishing up:
"It was Tabitha. The three year old girl who stole my lip balm, and my phone once."
This should probably not be two sentences. It should ideally read more like this:
"It was Tabitha, the three-year-old girl who stole my lip balm and my phone once."
The way it was originally written makes the second sentence an incomplete one.

Overall the issues I saw were basically minor and easily fixable. Maybe some of them were just typos - those dreadful things. ;) But like I said, I admire your taking on this topic. You're a talented writer. Keep it up! Who knows but that you'll make a huge difference someday by addressing topics like this.

Liberty says...

Thanks for the review!

“Writing fiction is the act of weaving a series of lies to arrive at a greater truth.”
— Khalid Hosseini, Author