Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Supernatural

12+

A Painter & Writer's Magic [Chapter 9]

by Liberty


A/N: Sooo this is a slightly longer chapter. Okay not slightly longer, it's, like, twice the words the other chapters usually are. But there's an awful lot happening here so yep. Just thought I'd give y'all a heads up. 

Okay now read already because I'm super hyped about this chapter.

Last Line(s): “She’s a Human Slave. Children who live in the Realm of the Souls but their parents die before the child is born… then those children come here, to the Ditch and work for us. They’re just called slaves. They aren’t exactly slaves though. I guess you could say that they’re like our minion helpers.” Akol explained, surprisingly patient.

Audrey squeezed Will’s hand from under the table. They were both thinking the same thing: No parents. We’ve wanted kids.

Audrey's heart skipped a beat.

But neither of them said anything and silently continued with their dinner.

Chapter 9

Later that evening, Audrey and Will roamed the boring palace full of stones. There were kids roaming around, some fooling others, some hand in hand, some laughing. It was a joyous sight for Audrey. She loved kids and they, naturally, loved her back. There were devils around too and Will noticed they moved in packs. Like wolves.

He shuddered at the thought.

The couple spotted Ujalaa signing to another girl who looked like her but more older. The other girl was dressed in black genie pants and a loose-fitting black, red, and white shirt that looked as if it were made of satin. Ujalaa glanced over at them and waved them over excitedly.

“Is she calling us over?” Audrey whispered to Will, just loud enough for him to hear her over the loud chattering in the hallway. It was as if she was back in high school.

“No, I think she’s telling us to get lost,” Will said flatly.

“Shut up.” Audrey giggled, holding Will’s hand.

“Gladly.”

They walked over to the girls and crouched down beside them. They smiled at the other girl. Now that they were closer, she looked more like Ujalaa’s twin, but just taller and sterner.

“Mine name is Zoya.” The girl curtsied.

Audrey pursed her lips to keep herself from laughing. Will jerked his head back in surprise when he heard her accent. It sounded old.

“Nice to meet you Zoya!” Audrey smiled, sticking her hand out for the girl to shake.

“Thou speak mine modern tongue?” The girl ignored her hand.

“I… guess so?” Audrey tilted her head. It was Will’s turn to purse his lips now.

“Most well, I guess I must’ve talk the way of thou filthy foreigners doth!” Zoya added, brushing her shirt as if there was dust on it.

Audrey looked offended. “Hey!”

“Hello.” Zoya said flatly.

Will laughed. “You’re more weird than me!”

Zoya had no reaction. Ujalaa was silently laughing.

“I see you’ve made a connection with these filthy foreigners, dear sister.” Zoya said, swishing her arm gracefully at the couple. Ujalaa nodded meekly.

“Sisters?” Will asked, surprised. “You two are sisters?”

“Why of course we are. What do we look like? Rhinoceroses?” the girl said.

“Your sense of humor is amazing.” Will commented.

Ujalaa nudged Zoya lightly at the ribs.

“Oh of course, we have an older brother too. He has no name. He doesn’t like to have a name.” Zoya added.

Audrey cupped her hand around Ujalaa’s cheek. The girl nuzzled deeper into her palm.

Natural.

Will got up suddenly and cleared his throat. “We should go now, Aud,” he said.

“Yeah.” Audrey got up as well. “We should. See you guys around.” She waved slightly at the girls and followed Will up another flight of stairs a few feet away.

Devils watched as they passed them and parted as if they were royalty, which Audrey silently scoffed at. As soon as the couple reached the top of the stairs, they bumped into someone.

“Akol!” Audrey blushed as a strand of hair fell loose.

Akol tucked it behind her ear. “You haven’t slept yet,” he said, looking at Will.

Will took a deep breath. “Aud is going to go right now, because I need to talk to you, Akol,” he said harshly.

Audrey chuckled, gave Will a peck on the cheek and walked off to the end of the hall. Will grabbed Akol’s elbow, earning a few gasps from the crowd that was watching them, and dragged him into the nearest room - which, thankfully, was empty. And dark.

“What do you want?” Akol growled as Will slammed the door shut.

“You’ve been flirting with my wife.” Will said, standing face to face with Akol, which wasn’t exactly possible since he was half a head shorter than the devil.

“You noticed.” Akol smirked. “I thought you’d never and I could, I don’t know, end up -”

Will flushed and shoved Akol to the wall, making the devil stumble. “Will you ever learn to shut up?”

Akol looked up. His eyes showed rage and only rage. Slowly, he turned into his nightmarish self. “You dare -”

“Yes I bloody hell dare!” Will yelled. “She’s my wife, you mental psycho! A random man can’t just… Can’t just…” Realization dawned and he confidently stepped closer. “If you continue, young man, it’ll cause fights, and I’m sure you want none of that.”

The devil blinked. His eyes softened and he went back to a humane form. Shakily, he ran a pale hand through his white-blond hair. “Right.”

And with that, he strode out of the room. Will grinned at himself. “I won and didn’t even get a scratch. I like this.” He patted himself on the back and exited the room as well. He quietly walked across the hallway, trying his best to ignore the stares, and swiftly entered his own room.

Audrey was fast asleep and she had a soft look on her face that made Will want to cuddle up with her. He shook his head and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. He looked up at the mirror above the sink.

“This place is crazy.” he sighed, then left the bathroom, and stood beside the bed, hands on his hips. He was hoping Audrey would wake up and smile at him. He really needed one right now, considering what had happened just mere minutes ago.

He whistled loudly.

She didn’t wake up.

He clapped his hands.

Still didn’t wake up.

He grumbled but crawled into the covers anyway. As soon as his head and the soft pillow touched, he was sound asleep.

***

“Will you’re here! Finally! Where have you been?” A familiar voice called from beside him. “They haven’t let me move at all. They said I won’t wake up or be able to move if you weren’t here.”

Will looked around him. They were in an empty white area with two devils beside both of them. One was skinny and tall, and the other… the complete opposite. They were expressionless and stared straight ahead. Audrey was now standing in front of him, bouncing on the balls of her heels.

“We have to all hold hands and they’ll only be able to talk and let us move then,” she said, smiling widely. Will grasped her hand and Short Devil’s. Audrey held on to Tall Devil’s.

You’re in an empty void right now. A voice from nowhere said. Hold on tight.

The couple felt a harsh breeze sting their face. They screamed when everything started flashing by them and they felt like they were flying through air. It was all an overwhelming sight. Flashes of different colors swirled around them at lightning speed with bits of lumpy looking things flying around at normal speed. It didn’t make sense to look at but it looked perfectly sensible.

Audrey wrapped her hands around Will from behind him, her hands pressed into his chest roughly. “You’re going to suffocate me!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Sorry!” she screeched.

“Where’re the other two?” he yelled again over the rushing sound of the wind.

Audrey didn’t say anything so he guessed it meant she didn’t know. Suddenly, the noise stopped, and so did they. Audrey and Will fell forward onto a grassy ground. They were both trying to catch their breath because it honestly had felt like they had run a marathon. Will got up to his feet and stuck out his hand for Audrey so she could get up easily.

“Th-thanks.” she said, stumbling a bit.

“Yeah.” Will looked around at where they were. It was a huge grassy field and everything was silent. Not a single bird chirping. No rustling bushes. Nothing. The sky was a piercing blue.

“It’s so quiet.” Audrey whispered.

“What are we supposed to do?” Will whispered back, not taking his eyes off the still trees.

“Should we introduce ourselves?” Audrey’s eyes were on the clouds. They were frozen.

“Are you nuts?”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, everything started moving normally and they could hear the birds, rustling bushes, and more. Audrey sighed. “I guess we had to talk?”

“Or maybe ‘Love you too’ -”

And everything stopped.

“Yeah that specific phrase is some sort of password.” Will said.

Audrey grinned. “That’s cool! Love you too!” she called.

And once again, everything started moving normally.

The couple grinned at each other then looked back at the trees they were facing. Dust started rising up from there and they could hear the sound of hooves striking the ground. Nothing came into view yet but they started hearing a loud rumbling. Their heartbeat quickened. Soon enough, beings on horses emerged from the forest.

Audrey screamed. They were heading right at them!

“Love you too!” Will yelled and everything froze. Audrey’s breath came out in gasps and she held on to her husband tightly.

You figured out the password quite easily, I see.

“Did you hear that?” Audrey’s voice was muffled since her head was in Will’s back.

“Yeah.” Will looked up, hoping to find the voice.

You won’t find me. I’m just a voice in everyone’s dreams.

Look ahead.

Those are Angels on horses, coming to attack the Ditch. They are bad beings. All they want is power, so they’re trying to kill all the Wizards one by one, and then capture the Devils. If they succeeded, they’ll take over Pluto, the land you are sleeping on right now. They’ll spread chaos and terror and soon take over Earth and use the Half Wizards, Human Slaves and Humans as servants, or if any of them are too disobedient, it’ll be either off with heads, or into the dungeons.

I’m sure you’re overwhelmed with this information, but I wish you all the best. Both of you, Audrey Emmerson and Will Winchester, are Half Wizards. Both your mothers are Wizards and your fathers, Human. That is why you have simple magic. Not sophisticated like the Wizards or miraculous like the Devils or Angels. Humans don’t have magic.

This should summarize really quickly why you are here on Pluto. Now hold on tight. You’re going into space in a few minutes.

Audrey and Will didn’t have anytime to say anything. The voice kept filling into their minds like a flood making Audrey even stumble a bit. They looked at each other. So they weren’t humans? They were half-humans. Or half-wizards, like The Voice mentioned. Will let go of Audrey’s hand and cautiously walked towards the frozen horses and Angels. The Angels all looked heavenly. All of them were dressed in beautiful white clothes, their hair was silky, and they all had pale skin.

Audrey followed Will. She saw an attractive horse - the mare had a long, dark mane. It had color, but there was no color. Audrey didn’t know how to explain it, but it did have color… but it had no color. The mare was on her hind legs and her head was thrown back. Her eyes held pain, making Audrey frown. “It’ll be okay.” She stroked the mare’s forelock. “You’re too beautiful to be put in pain.”

Suddenly, everything turned white around them and Audrey screamed. “Will!”

“Behind you!”

“I can’t see you!”

“Just turn around!”

Audrey did so.

“Oh. Hi.” She blushed.

Will smirked. “We haven’t even started moving -”

Just as those words left his mouth, everything started moving again, the same way it was before - the wind whooshing past their bodies, the flashes of color and lumpy things.

Soon, everything slowed to a stop. The couple were standing nowhere. They were floating. In what? Will looked around. It was complete darkness but there were seven shapes in the distance. There was one in the middle, then there was another one farther away from the middle one. Around that, there were three smaller shapes, and beside each smaller shape, there was one shape each.

This is the solar system of a completely different galaxy than yours. The glowing planet in the middle, that’s the Circle of Light, Sweztyn. The bigger planet that's beside Sweztyn is Pluto, and it is the only planet in the whole galaxy. The planets around Pluto are Marcen, Marden, and Maren, our Moons. And those planets around the Moons are our unnamed Stars.

“Woah.” Audrey walked closer to the view and her eyes widened.

Pluto had suddenly been sliced in half!

“I didn’t do that!” Will and Audrey shrieked in unison.

Of course you didn’t. I’m still talking.

They breathed a sigh of relief and continued walking closer when they could properly see the divisions of Pluto. One was the top part, it was the skies. The second part was the middle, the land. The last part was everything underground, but it didn’t go right down to the core of Pluto.

The skies are where the Angels live. The land is where the Devils live. The underground is where the Wizards live. Angels and Devils have always been fighting, no matter what. Wizards are there to keep peace, but lately, the Wizards are being Attacked by Angels, which takes a while, almost twenty five hours. But the wiser the Wizard, the more time it takes. Like I told you before, the Angels are getting rid of the Angels to get to the Devils.

And we can only get Half-Wizard help.

With that, everything went black.

***

Back in the room, Audrey and Will were still sleeping. Dreamlessly.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
965 Reviews


Points: 108900
Reviews: 965

Donate
Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:09 pm
View Likes
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

The race continues. I think the others are taking longer per review which is helping me a lot.

First Impression: Well that was a lot for one chapter. Big ol' information dump. Not too bad though. Managed to follow along well enough. The history lesson format though is a bit bland. Might want to reveal some of this information elsewhere otherwise it will feel a bit too monotonous.

“No, I think she’s telling us to get lost,” Will said flatly.

“Shut up.” Audrey giggled, holding Will’s hand.

“Gladly.”


The sarcasm is a little overused at this point. You have to mix the jokes a bit or they lose their ability to make people laugh.

“Mine name is Zoya.” The girl curtsied.


Thine new character doth be most interesting. Methinks it leadeth to much more.

“Why of course we are. What do we look like? Rhinoceroses?” the girl said.


Again the sarcasm gets a bit stale when overused.

“You’ve been flirting with my wife.” Will said, standing face to face with Akol, which wasn’t exactly possible since he was half a head shorter than the devil.


Secondary subplot/conflict detected.

The couple felt a harsh breeze sting their face. They screamed when everything started flashing by them and they felt like they were flying through air. It was all an overwhelming sight. Flashes of different colors swirled around them at lightning speed with bits of lumpy looking things flying around at normal speed. It didn’t make sense to look at but it looked perfectly sensible.


The descriptions throughout this part are spot on. Throughout the experience that slight disorientation and understanding is displayed pretty well in the way the settings are described.

“Yeah that specific phrase is some sort of password.” Will said.


Well somebody likes cheesy passwords.

You won’t find me. I’m just a voice in everyone’s dreams.


Wait did he just say everyone?

The skies are where the Angels live. The land is where the Devils live. The underground is where the Wizards live. Angels and Devils have always been fighting, no matter what. Wizards are there to keep peace, but lately, the Wizards are being Attacked by Angels, which takes a while, almost twenty five hours. But the wiser the Wizard, the more time it takes. Like I told you before, the Angels are getting rid of the Angels to get to the Devils.


Okay backtrack very quickly. This started out with getting a signature, then became about painting and breathing life into it and now its a full scale war. Seems like this devil character should have done a lot more explaining up front.

And that's it.

Overall: The plot is expanding quickly and so far holding pretty strong. The newly introduced characters are still not distinguished but I suppose we'll get more of them later. At any rate so far this is headed in a pretty good direction.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Liberty says...


Thanks so much!!



HarryHardy says...


Your Welcome!!



User avatar
80 Reviews


Points: 3477
Reviews: 80

Donate
Sat May 23, 2020 3:35 am
View Likes
MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hi Liberty!

There was more drama in this chapter. I liked that Will confronted Akol. We got more exposition through the mysterious voice. We were also left with more questions. It was a long chapter but, for the most part, it didn't feel that way. So, great job there.

“Thou speak mine modern tongue?” The girl ignored her hand.


I wonder if she hasn't been in the ditch for... centuries.

“Yes I bloody hell dare!” Will yelled. “She’s my wife, you mental psycho! A random man can’t just… Can’t just…” Realization dawned and he confidently stepped closer. “If you continue, young man, it’ll cause fights, and I’m sure you want none of that.”


Action is almost synonymous with drama in the sense that drama always stems from action. We know Will isn't fearless. Despite that he stood up to a devil, he acted. This led to a great dramatic moment. I'm still on the edge about how Akol took it.

They were in an empty white area with two devils beside both of them. One was skinny and tall, and the other… the complete opposite.


Writing that the other one was the opposite works but I had to mentally go back to first part of the sentence and reverse "skinny and tall." I think you'd have achieved a more vivid effect if you were more specific (e.g. was he short and bulky or just obese?). But that's just what I think.

She saw an attractive horse - the mare had a long, dark mane. It had color, but there was no color. Audrey didn’t know how to explain it, but it did have color… but it had no color.


The description seemed rather redundant to me at first but I understand if it meant to convey the confusion Aud was dealing with — in that sense it works. It's still hard to imagine what having color without having color would be like. Generally, the more specific you are, the more vivid the description gets.

“I can’t see you!”

“Just turn around!”

Audrey did so.

“Oh. Hi.” She blushed.


LOL. That was hilarious.

I was a little confused about the wizards, specifically regarding what the mysterious voice said in their last paragraph, the 25-hour thing. But I saw that in reply to another review you said you were to explain some of those stuff, so I think I'll just keep on reading.

And that's the review. I breezed past most of the chapter. But there were a couple things that I figured could be improved. I tried to talk about them and I hope it helps.

Excelsior!

~MAS




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!!



User avatar
570 Reviews


Points: 3621
Reviews: 570

Donate
Tue May 19, 2020 1:16 pm
View Likes
Magebird says...



Hey @Liberty! I'm here to finally comment on the rest of your book. :)

Since there's a lot I need to catch up and I need to ease myself back into reviewing, I'll comment on all of the chapters you have posted now and review the next one when it comes out.

I love Zoya already! It's cute seeing her dynamic with Ujalaa - it reminds me a lot of the dynamics some of my own characters have, and I really can't wait to see more of them in future chapters. I also hope we get to meet the older brother soon; he sounds pretty interesting.

I'm also happy Will finally said something to Akol about the flirting. :)

Last, but certainly not least, I love how you gave them all the info they needed in the dream. The dream voice definitely is going to be helpful in the future. :)




User avatar
188 Reviews


Points: 6116
Reviews: 188

Donate
Thu Apr 30, 2020 4:33 am
View Likes
LadyBug wrote a review...



Liberty! After a long break of a few hours, I'm back to finally finish this series so far =D. I'm pretty excited because this is the review that is going to get me my next star, so I'm going to give it my all!

This one is longer, so let me just start before my intro rivals it.

Later that evening, Audrey and Will roamed the boring palace full of stones. There were kids roaming around, some fooling others, some hand in hand, some laughing. It was a joyous sight for Audrey. She loved kids and they, naturally, loved her back. There were devils around too and Will noticed they moved in packs. Like wolves.

Boring castle, of all things, a castle shouldn’t be boring. Maybe dull, yes, but boring, nooo!

They walked over to the girls and crouched down beside them. They smiled at the other girl. Now that they were closer, she looked more like Ujalaa’s twin, but just taller and sterner.

Morse stern is correct, Libbers.


“Mine name is Zoya.” The girl curtsied.

OK, this took a second to register, and I was about to ask if you were okay, messing up on something so easy, but then I realized and face-palmed myself because EEK! I helped with this and I can’t stop smiling. Libs, I don’t think I’ve actually smiled in a week but OMG, ah I needed this so much. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I love this series and I helped unknowingly, but I needed this so much.

“Thou speak mine modern tongue?” The girl ignored her hand.

Oh god, I can’t stop smiling! So far, the whole chapter itself is well written, and your flow is better than usual. uwu

“Most well, I guess I must’ve talk the way of thou filthy foreigners doth!” Zoya added, brushing her shirt as if there was dust on it.
Hehe. No complaints here.

Will laughed. “You’re more weird than me!”

Weirder. Not more weird, but I guess either is correct.

“Why of course we are. What do we look like? Rhinoceroses?” the girl said.
Ok, one thing, all of your character seems to have that same sparky, sarcastic, sense of humor. I love it, but, some people aren’t used to teasing, and have a more normal sense of humor and make bad dad jokes or something.
I guess I’m saying maybe add in a fun character named Hannah who likes cookies and hair dye and weird videos.
Nah, all jokes aside, just make sure not everyone is sarcastic and witty, because not everyone is :P

Ujalaa nudged Zoya lightly at the ribs.
“Oh of course, we have an older brother too. He has no name. He doesn’t like to have a name.” Zoya added.[/b]

OK… To each their own, I guess. This is a really good way to catch someone’s interest though!

Akol tucked it behind her ear. “You haven’t slept yet,” he said, looking at Will.
Oof, have some respect for a married woman, Akol. But, I’m calling it. Zoya and Ujaal I think I spelt that wrong but I’m too tired to check are all related? Probably wrong but it’s my conspiracy theory!

“You’ve been flirting with my wife.” Will said, standing face to face with Akol, which wasn’t exactly possible since he was half a head shorter than the devil.

Good! Finally a normal reaction! I’m living for this drama, though, to be honest. This is a good, interesting plot; but it would have fallen flat without some real life interaction!

“Yes I bloody hell dare!” Will yelled. “She’s my wife, you mental psycho! A random man can’t just… Can’t just…” Realization dawned and he confidently stepped closer. “If you continue, young man, it’ll cause fights, and I’m sure you want none of that.”

Yes, threaten that devil!

She didn’t wake up. me at night though

Will looked around him. They were in an empty white area with two devils beside both of them. One was skinny and tall, and the other… the complete opposite. They were expressionless and stared straight ahead. Audrey was now standing in front of him, bouncing on the balls of her heels.
Ahh, another cliche alert. The duo that are mirror opposites. Not bad, but beware of these sorts of tropes.

Audrey wrapped her hands around Will from behind him, her hands pressed into his chest roughly. “You’re going to suffocate me!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

I’m not sure if you’re meaning for this to obviously be a dream, but it is. Kudos if so, ‘cause it looks like you are. Just alerting you if it’s not.

“I hate you.”

They seem to say that rather often. I know it’s just a tease, but saying something like that, even as a joke, can be really painful if used to often. I had a friend who would always say that, and, even though at first it was all fun and games and teasing, I got really sad after a few months of constantly hearing it.

“Love you too!” Will yelled and everything froze. Audrey’s breath came out in gasps and she held on to her husband tightly.

OK, that was sweet though. So far this has been rather easy to follow along, but, again, watch out for those long paragraphs!

Audrey did so.

I felt like I was watching this play out, and it was rather funny!

Pluto had suddenly been sliced in half!

Nice momentum to the plot! I didn’t see that coming!

OVERALL: This was well done and the flow was so much better than usual! I love the characters and everything played out nicely in my mind’s eye! The paragraphs lengths could be helped, on the other hand, but that is all for now.


Jade




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!! I'm so happy you finally got to the part where you helped me out. xD I just remembered I didn't tell you anything about why I needed it.

Thanks again! :)



User avatar
455 Reviews


Points: 71102
Reviews: 455

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:29 am
View Likes
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi Lib! Happy Review Day!!

Okay, so I love Zoya. And Ujalaa. They're both super awesome. I also like how Will's jealousy finally causes him to confront Akol - who seems more playful than anything, really (he didn't seem hard to convince to stop - maybe he'll keep up the playful flirting? We'll see!).

I'm so glad we're getting some more information! This void that they're in is super neat-o. I did have a little trouble grasping the switch in the scene from when Will fell asleep to when he woke up in the void. Perhaps if there was some explanation from one of the devils - "This is a sleep-void. We can show you visions" or whatever. At first I thought Audrey was captured or something, lol. It's been a little bit since I read the previous chapters but I do recall Akol mentioning they could explain while they sleep, but a quick reminder or explanation of the place by the devils would be great!

I think I'm a *little* confused about the Wizards. So it seems the Wizards are peacekeepers of some sort? But the Angels are attacking the Wizards to get through to the Devils?

Like I told you before, the Angels are getting rid of the Angels to get to the Devils.


Is the second "Angels" supposed to be Wizards? :0

I like how Wizards can take longer to be defeated the wiser they are. They seem like pretty neutral-powerful creatures which I'm really excited about. I think the Wizards being sort of this bridge between the two worlds creates this super interesting dynamic that I'm excited to see you explore further!

Peace,
~ EternalRain




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!! :) Since I guess some things didn't make sense here, I'll probably explain some more in the upcoming chapters.



User avatar
107 Reviews


Points: 1690
Reviews: 107

Donate
Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:47 pm
View Likes
Gnomish wrote a review...



Hello!

Zoya's quite a likeable character, eh? Makes you appreciate Ujalaa's kindness. I loved the little stand off between Will and Akol (poor Will doesn't stand a chance!), and it was nice to know some more information about what's happening.

“I didn’t do that!” Will and Audrey shrieked in unison.

Of course you didn’t. I’m still talking.
I'm not sure why Audrey and Will freaked out so much. I don't think there was much of a chance that they did do it, and I'm also not sure why the voice talking reassured them that they weren't blamed.

Anyways, this was a very informative chapter, and I can't wait for the next!
-Gnomish




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!



User avatar
140 Reviews


Points: 6298
Reviews: 140

Donate
Sun Apr 05, 2020 6:26 pm
View Likes
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hey!
Oh I loved this chapter! I didn't even realize that it was lengthy cause it was so interesting.
These minion kids could actually speak. I liked that you brought some more interaction with Ujalaa and a new one 'Zoya', a little rude this one. This place is full of these slaves and devils.

“You noticed.” Akol smirked. “I thought you’d never and I could, I don’t know, end up -”

This dialogue really made me laugh. Akol just admitted that he was flirting with Aud! Will had got some guts to directly confront from the devil and he wasn't frightened by Akol's scary form and was firm in keeping his stand. He can do anything to protect his love<3
For the second part of this chapter I can say you did a great work. It was so exciting the way you have described everything happening in their dream. I was visualising those scenarios in my mind! First a strange white background then those flashes of different colors swirling and everything happening so fast! The 'love you too' password was a really big coincidence but still I liked it.
A lot of things are being revealed here. Audrey and Will both are half-wizards! I guess it was in their destiny to be together<3
We get to know more about the evil side of the angels and that they are the one's creating chaos and destruction. The devils seem to be not that bad here so why these angels are going against their nature and are causing destruction( I mean I always thought angels are the good ones,I am not Christian so I don't know what is their in the bible about them. Pardon me)
The description about the galaxy was neat.
The main fight is between the angels and the devils and the wizards are just the ones who are trying to keep the balance between the two and hence are being brought into fight. I found this quite interesting.
Let's see how our half-wizards will help bring back the peace in Pluto.
Loved this chapter <3 Hope to see the new chapter soon!
Keep writing :)




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review! Sorry I got to this so late. The thing about the angels being evil and devils being good was purely from my head. I don't think this is from any religion, haha. Just wanted to clear that up. Thanks again!



Hkumar says...


Yeah I like this twist. Your creativity is great ;)



Liberty says...


Aw, thanks!




The snow leopard is absolutely magnificent. It represents really what endangered species are all about.
— Jack Hanna