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A Painter & Writer's Magic [Chapter 17]

by Liebensteiner


Last Line(s): “Who are you?” Audrey demanded.

The man smiled, and Audrey felt like she was about to faint.

He was an angel that was for sure.

“Herschel,” he said, not smiling anymore.

And everything went black.

Chapter 17

It was midnight when Will’s eyes fluttered open but he didn’t know it was. He moaned as he straightened up from his slumped position on the… is that cement? In the woods? Will looked straight ahead. His vision was hazy, but he could make out most of his surroundings.

There were grayish walls and something that looked like a sleeping human figure on a straw mattress that didn’t look any better than the cement ground. There was another hunched over human-ish figure in the other corner, closer to him. A stick lay on the ground beside him. He picked it up and prodded the figure closer to him.

A pale face looked up at him, and even paler eyes glared at him.

“Obraya,” he said.

“What?” she snapped.

“What happened?”

“We’re in the dungeons, can’t ya see?” Obraya waved around, gesturing to everything around them.

Will looked around, unsure. It was very dark but it was easy to make out the shapes of the jail bars.

“Aud,” he said. “Oh god, where is she?”

“On yer shou’der.” Obraya put her head back on her knees.

Will looked to his right. His wife was there. Relieved, he leaned his head back on the wall. Then he looked back at Obraya. “Why are we here?”

“Herschel.” The angel didn’t move. Will pursed his lips, waiting for more. When she didn’t say anything, he opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. He pursed his lips again. That was when she continued. “When you fell, Herschel had thrown ya into some sorta carriage. Then yer stupid wife ran after ya. She trapped herself, then me. Oh wasn’t my ex supa glad to see me.”

He stayed silent. “Sorry… I got you into so much trouble.”

Obraya waved her hand annoyedly at him. “Whatever. It wasn’t you anyway.”

“Wh-where’s Zoya?” Will shivered because of a sudden cold breeze.

“Sleepin’.”

“I won’t disturb her then.”

There was a pause, as Will chewed on his bottom lip and fiddled with his thumbs.

“Do you have a plan?” he asked.

Obraya grunted as she looked up at him questioningly.

“A way to get out of here.”

Obraya didn’t say anything. “I’ve been thinkin’.”

There was another pause. These pauses were slowly getting on Will’s nerves.

“I trust m’brother loads. I tried sending him a telepathic message, but it seems he’s far away ‘cause I can’t reach him,” Obraya explained. Will noticed her face had softened a bit. “I’m keepin’ on tryin’ an’ hopefully he answers.”

Will hadn’t noticed he had been holding his breath, so he exhaled. Audrey stirred a good amount from beside him – she was about to wake up. There were twigs in her hair, and it was all tangled up – very rare for someone who took a lot of care for her hair.

“Hey, oh god, Aud, hey,” Will whispered, struggling to sit up properly so he could embrace her.

She groaned.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Will saw Obraya settle her head back into her knees.

When Audrey’s eyes fluttered open and her bright blue eyes showed, Will sucked in a sharp breath. Her bright eyes suddenly opening, him looking into them, it was like the whole world lit up and everything was okay again.

But the thing was, nothing was okay. The couple were stuck in some weird planet, galaxies away from theirs, in a jail in the ‘Sky Kingdom’, where an Angel’s ex-boyfriend wanted to kill his own planet and take over his own galaxy and all the other galaxies.

It was mad.

Audrey flung her arms around Will and buried her face into his chest. “That bastard threw me into something, and I swore I saw your red hair in the corner.” She sniffled then looked back up at her husband.

He was still dazed as to how refreshing her eyes were.

She poked him. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Y-yeah, all’s good.”

Audrey smiled, despite where they were and their condition. Will didn’t smile back but did when she nuzzled into him.

A few seconds passed, and Audrey looked back up. “Where are we?”

“Jail.”

Silence.

The bulb hanging from a rope on the ceiling flickered. There was a scratching sound, like a bunch of nails on a blackboard – but from far away. Rats, Will assumed. He watched Zoya – who was still sleeping on the straw mattress – breathe. He could see her figure rising and falling. It satisfied him in a way. Kept his anxiety at a bay, somehow.

Obraya looked up and started explaining everything that had happened.

“Basically, Herschel wants the both of ya dead an’ outta the way so he can take ove’ all the galaxies like he’s some sorta god,” she summarized.

“What are we supposed to do?”

“I’ve already made a plan,” Obraya said.

“I hate to, but we should wake Zoya up.”

They did. They filled her in on what had happened. Obraya started laying out the plan.

“Wait, won’t the guards hear? Are there any mage-cams here?” Zoya looked around curiously. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she had earlier claimed that she was starving.

“No, Angels are more stupid than you think.”

“Then obviously you’re not one.” Zoya said. Obraya blushed at the indirect compliment.

“My grandmother was a Human, a descendant of Albert Einstein the one and only,” Obraya stated as casually as if she had told them she combed her hair every morning.

Zoya snorted.

“What?” Obraya looked at her, eyes narrowed accusingly.

“Nothing, get on with the plan.” She smirked.

“First I’ve got to somehow contact m’ brother and tell him to save us. I can’t reach him now – either he’s too far away, he’s sleeping, or he’s dead, I hope not. Then, once we do, we’ve got to get out of the castle with him, go through the Portal to the Wizards, get ‘em on our side, and destroy Herschel and his followers because all they do is create hell. Ironic, amirite?” Obraya explained.

All of a sudden, she perked up. “Brother!”

The other three shared a confused glance and looked back at the Angel, who was now on her feet. Her eyes were squeezed shut. She nodded after every two seconds, smiling, nodding, waving her hands around, muttering with her face contorted into a frown.

Audrey, Will and Zoya all stood up. Obraya opened her eyes and a wide grin spread across her face. Will felt weak in the knees – dazed as well at how amazing and beautiful and –

Audrey pulled him closer to herself, realizing what was going on. Will snapped out of it.

“Get ready to get outta here tomorrow evening at sun down ‘cause this Angel’s brother is on his way,” she said, doing little jig around the small room.

Everyone laughed despite their situation, not caring who heard.


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Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:49 pm
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TheCursedCat wrote a review...



Hey Lib! I haven't reviewed this book in a while, so now I'll be doing just that!

Firstly, I'm finally beginning to understand just how great an idea that repeat of the last lines of the last chapter right in the beginning is. It helped me jog my memory quite a bit!

So... They're in jail... WHAT? Well, to be honest, I was expecting something way more dramatic. I don't have much to critique on when it comes to the plot progression or how it's going except for two things.

I think you should tone down on how much Obraya talks about Herschel because at times it eats away at the main storyline a bit too much instead of just staying a side story. Also,

“Aud,” he said. “Oh god, where is she?”

“On yer shou’der.” Obraya put her head back on her knees.

Will looked to his right. His wife was there. Relieved, he leaned his head back on the wall.


this doesn't sound real. It's not very visually accurate. Normally, when you're worried or in a panic about finding someone or something, you usually move, and here it's shown as if he doesn't realize that Aud is resting on his shoulder. And then he leans his head back! Wouldn't this shake Aud off? It sounds a little off.

That's really all I found that was wrong with the chapter, but I certainly found those comical elements I've found so far since the very beginning and I definitely love the development there's been in Aud and Will's relationship - everything we know.

With that I shall wrap this up! Have a nice day, and keep writing!

Yours sincerely,
Myth <3

__|_|__

Image






this doesn't sound real. It's not very visually accurate. Normally, when you're worried or in a panic about finding someone or something, you usually move, and here it's shown as if he doesn't realize that Aud is resting on his shoulder. And then he leans his head back! Wouldn't this shake Aud off? It sounds a little off.

I definitely get what you mean. xD I'll keep that in mind when I go back to editing!

Thanks for the reviewww <3



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Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:08 pm
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MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hi Liberty!

I have to say, Aud and Will have really come a long way from looking for jobs and running into creepy managers.

I feel that the two of them haven't changed all that much but that's not necessarily a bad thing — static/iconic characters can be interesting too.

Maybe I don't feel that way because they never act out of character. Yet they have evolved in a few different ways. What I mean is that we've watched them slowly get used to this world and we're at a point where the existence of alicorns or mage-cams don't surprise them anymore, and frankly it doesn't surprise us either. I thought this development was natural for the most part.

Everyone laughed despite their situation, not caring who heard.


And it makes perfect sense that these characters would do that.

On another note, I'm worried about what happened to Aud's alicorn. Is he alright... or alive? Will it be addressed in the future? I hope so.

That's all for this review. Feels good to finally be all caught up!

Keep on writing!

~MAS






Thanks for the review! I'm so glad you've caught up! :)





You're welcome! :D



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Fri Jul 31, 2020 7:30 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Liberty!

It's been so long since you posted any chapters. You must not make us wait so much because now we are moving towards real action and I can't just sit in suspense. xD
Okay so now getting into the chapter.

There were grayish walls and something that looked like a sleeping human figure on a straw mattress that didn’t look any better than the cement ground. There was another hunched over human-ish figure in the other corner, closer to him. A stick lay on the ground beside him. He picked it up and prodded the figure closer to him.

Prodded with stick? xD What was he thinking lol! I would have expected some serious reactions but I guess we can't take Will as serious person. He always behaves in such a silly way.

“When you fell, Herschel had thrown ya into some sorta carriage. Then yer stupid wife ran after ya. She trapped herself, then me. Oh wasn’t my ex supa glad to see me.”

OMG! You made me really laugh here. I imagined Obraya saying all this in the accent of Wanda Sykes. That last sentence xD.

Audrey smiled, despite where they were and their condition. Will didn’t smile back but did when she nuzzled into him.

A few seconds passed, and Audrey looked back up. “Where are we?”

“Jail.”

Okay so now I guess both these characters are pretty stupid. I mean they are cute and adorable, but stupid. Till now there's no sign of any seriousness or maturity in them.

“My grandmother was a Human, a descendant of Albert Einstein the one and only,” Obraya stated as casually as if she had told them she combed her hair every morning.

I mean really? xD Well she must be a genius then. how did you come up with this idea xD

So very soon there will be an entry of a new character, Obraya's brother. will he fall for Aud, I hope not :P. Besides we have not yet met with Herschel properly. I want to see things from his perspective as well. I hope his character also gets good space in the novel like a proper antagonist.
So I think the next chapter will deal with their struggle to get out of this place. I hope there will be some good action and climax scenes in the coming chapters with some more detailed descriptions. All the best! You are doing very well so far ;)

Great work!
Keep writing :D






Probably the reason why they seem so childish is because I can't yet write adult characters - they are incredibly confusing. xD

Thanks for the review!



Hkumar says...


Don't worry! I like them this way only, it's fun.



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Fri Jul 31, 2020 4:05 am
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Icon wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Alpacas coming at you with a review!

First and foremost, I want to focus on the positives; this is a wonderful story you've got going here! I love how unique the lore and world building are, along with the magic systems (which seriously isn't easy to pull off, so hats off to you for that alone). Will and Audrey are both very likable protagonists, of whom I find myself rooting for every time I read an installment.

Now for the negatives (I hate this part, but ain't that just the way.)

- While it was few and (generally) far between, there are a couple instances of missing commas. For example, "There were grayish walls and something that looked like a sleeping human figure on a straw mattress that didn’t look any better than the cement ground." should be "There were grayish walls, and something that looked like a sleeping human figure on a straw mattress, but it didn’t look any better than the cement ground." I've found that just reading something out loud, and seeing where you pause naturally is a good way to determine whether or not a comma should be placed there. If that doesn't seem to work, having a friend read it can also be very helpful. (Hopefully a family member. Social distance, y'all.)

- There were multiple instances where the descriptors felt very repetitive. (I.e. using 'bright' two sentences in a row to describe Audrey's eyes.) This is remedied very easily by using *drumroll please* the Internet! There is no shame in Thesaurus.com, or just googling 'synonyms for _____'

I really hope this was was helpful, and, once again, I love this story and its characters! The 'Negatives' were all relatively minor, and they don't detract much from the story.

-Icon






Yes, this review was very helpful. I tend to either shove all the commas in one chapter, or leave out most of them. xD Thanks for reviewing!! <33



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Thu Jul 30, 2020 1:11 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Wow it has been like an actual month since I last read this. If I've forgotten something...sorry.

First Impression: Well we finally know what happened in that cliffhanger....and so they are in jail now. Well...pretty interesting scene. This whole attraction thing is also getting to another level now. Let's see how it all goes down as the story continues.

Anyway let's get right to it,

There were grayish walls and something that looked like a sleeping human figure on a straw mattress that didn’t look any better than the cement ground. There was another hunched over human-ish figure in the other corner, closer to him. A stick lay on the ground beside him. He picked it up and prodded the figure closer to him.


Well those prison cells definitely don't sound like things that I would want to spend any time in. Good description.

“We’re in the dungeons, can’t ya see?” Obraya waved around, gesturing to everything around them.


That's a little rude Obraya. Will has never been to this place after all so he can't be expected to know what the dungeons look like.

“Herschel.” The angel didn’t move. Will pursed his lips, waiting for more. When she didn’t say anything, he opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything. He pursed his lips again. That was when she continued. “When you fell, Herschel had thrown ya into some sorta carriage. Then yer stupid wife ran after ya. She trapped herself, then me. Oh wasn’t my ex supa glad to see me.”


And that is what you get for being a good person and helping instead of saving yourself.

Obraya didn’t say anything. “I’ve been thinkin’.”


Well that verb has two meanings in there...very nice.

When Audrey’s eyes fluttered open and her bright blue eyes showed, Will sucked in a sharp breath. Her bright eyes suddenly opening, him looking into them, it was like the whole world lit up and everything was okay again.


Nice little moment.

“My grandmother was a Human, a descendant of Albert Einstein the one and only,” Obraya stated as casually as if she had told them she combed her hair every morning.


Definitely something that should be said casually.

“First I’ve got to somehow contact m’ brother and tell him to save us. I can’t reach him now – either he’s too far away, he’s sleeping, or he’s dead, I hope not. Then, once we do, we’ve got to get out of the castle with him, go through the Portal to the Wizards, get ‘em on our side, and destroy Herschel and his followers because all they do is create hell. Ironic, amirite?” Obraya explained.


That was a very quick plan right there.

“Get ready to get outta here tomorrow evening at sun down ‘cause this Angel’s brother is on his way,” she said, doing little jig around the small room.

Everyone laughed despite their situation, not caring who heard.


Very irresponsible behavior.

Aaand that's it for that one.

Overall: Pretty nice chapter. Nothing that I could see. Obraya's accent is believable so far. And some good ol' fashioned scheming. Nothing wrong as far as I can tell.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Very irresponsible behaviour.

They're all irresponsible. xD

Thanks for the review! <3



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!! :D




Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain