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Young Writers Society


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A Painter & Writer's Magic [Chapter 14]

by Lib


A/N: Sorry this chapter is pretty short. >.<

Last Line(s): “Okay, okay,” Zoya said. “We’ll keep her with us. If she really is evil, and if she really is Herschel’s girlfriend, she’d be very precious to him. We could put her at flail-point if he tries to harm any of us.”

“Y-yeah, okay.”

There was a pause. Will groaned again. Then he grinned.

“Why are you here?” Audrey looked at Zoya, wringing her hands.

“I can’t sleep alone and it’s very dark.” Zoya smiled sheepishly.

Chapter 14

King Akolxohez was sitting in his room, in the middle of his king-sized bed. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him. His whitish-blonde hair was all over the place, his eyes bloodshot and he had forgotten to shave - which made him look wild.

Askel was sitting on the recliner in one corner of his room.

“I’ve gone crazy, Askel,” Akol said quietly.

“You haven’t.”

“I have.”

“You fool, you have a kingdom to take care of. Forget about yourself for a bit. Devils are coming in. They want to hear the new laws,” Askel reminded him.

Each of the three lands - the Wizards’, the Angels’, and the Devils’ - renewed their laws every other year to refresh everyone’s memories in case anyone decided to one day rebel.

Akol gave his brother a piercing look, making him flinch. If looks could kill, Askel would have been dead. “If you think it’s that easy, why don’t you try for yourself, huh?” He got up and walked towards Askel. “You cowardly devil, why don’t you go up to the balcony and yell down to more than a thousand devils who came from all over Earth and Pluto just to hear you talk? You go.”

Askel ground his teeth. “I’m your older brother, Akol, don’t forget your limits.” His voice was louder.

“And I’m the King!” Akol yelled over Askel’s voice. “Don’t forget your limits! Get out, Askel, get the hell out!” He pointed towards the door, his eyes blazing, his face red with anger.

Askel stormed out.

In the room, Akol flopped down on the ground, leaned back on his bed, and groaned. He punched the floor and cursed. Rubbing his fist, he whispered a chant, washing away the pain.

Why was it that Audrey was still in his mind even though she was probably a land away? Why was it that he didn’t have the courage anymore to give speeches to his civilians? Why was it that he kept on losing his temper, his anger? What if he lost himself one day?

Day.

“Day!” He perked up and raced out of his room. “Day, where are you?” he called out, leaning over the railing. That chubby human slave was full of information, Akol was a hundred percent sure he could get information out of them.

Pop.

Akol froze, clutching his heart. “Please don’t do that,” he said quickly.

Day - who looked to be in their late teens - smiled. “What’s up?”

“I have questions.”

“I have answers.” Day winked.

***

Day and Akol were in the palace’s library - it wasn’t grand but it was decent enough. Akol had asked his question - he wanted a short history about his ancestors’ love life. Day was thinking, rubbing their chin, and looking out the window.

“It’s a weird history,” Day warned.

“You’ve said that five times so far. Spit the fire already.” Akol was leaning over the table they were both sitting across of. He was leaning so far over, he might as well have been laying down on the table.

Day put their open palm on the table. “Gimme some Warcken first,” they said. They gave Akol one of their award-winning - literally - smiles and tilted their head to the side. Their sandy brown hair fell in front of their amber eyes.

At times like this, when a customer was eager for information, Day had to use all their cunningness and wit for bribery. Also, at times like this, the customers usually wanted to punch Day across the face and hang them even though Day was the sweetest.

Akol reached into his back pocket and pulled out all the leaves he had.

“Your question is tough, but I’ll give you a friends and family discount.” Day sighed. “Five thousand Warcken?”

“Four thousand?”

“Forty-five hundred. No less.”

“It’s all I have anyway.” Akol shrugged and slapped the leaves into Day’s hands.

“Tell me something will ya? There’s literally endless books here, why don’t you just research the history yourself?” Day smirked.

“You know I failed both researching and history.” Akol snarled. “Tell me now!”

“Alright, so here’s the deal.” The two leaned over the table, arms crossed. “Long ago, there was a royal Devil and ordinary Angel. The Angel fell in love with the Devil. Devil pushed the Angel away because he knew that Angels were wretched and evil - it wasn’t okay to marry Angel. Angel was so upset by this that they cursed the rest of the royal family to only fall in love with Humans - who, at that time, were thought of as lowly.”

Akol slowly moved back, dazed.

“I’m living through a curse?”

“I don’t know, have you fallen in love?”

Akol glared at them. “Get lost,” he said. “You can’t fool me! If I tell you whether I have or haven’t, it won’t matter, you’ll just strut out and announce it to the rest of Pluto!”

Day pursed their lips, and shrugged casually, “You never know.” They raised their hand in front of them and pretended to be very interested in a hangnail.

Akol slumped. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Your secret’s safe with me, cousin,” Day said, smiling gleefully at Akol.

“Thanks.” He gratefully smiled back.

“But that’ll be just an extra thousand Warcken.” Day’s smile widened.

Akol scowled. “I swear whenever you start seeming sweet and devilish to me, you always have to shove in leaves. I don’t have any on me right now.”

“I’m sure you’ve got a garden full of leaves.” Day got up and stretched. “You can pick me some, eh?”

Akol honestly didn’t mind giving his cousin leaves today. Now he had answers. He would have asked Day about that too but he could have sworn Day would ask for more leaves. He couldn’t waste too many Warcken on them.

Maybe there was a cure to the curse. There had to be. There’s always a cure to a curse. That was his motto and he had to live up to it. Maybe the Painter and Writer could help him find a cure and get over his psychotic state. They would be life savers if they did. He wouldn’t ever know how to repay them.

Once he found the cure, he’d make sure never to fall in love again. It was too much to bear. 


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Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:47 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And the last few chapters approach. It just passed 1 am. I hope I have enough time to get to the last three.

First Impression: Okay a bit of a detour. Day was introduced a little bit too suddenly I felt. They just sort of popped out of nowhere. Felt like that should have been done a bit more smoothly. Also interesting curse. Very interesting.

“And I’m the King!” Akol yelled over Askel’s voice. “Don’t forget your limits! Get out, Askel, get the hell out!” He pointed towards the door, his eyes blazing, his face red with anger.

Askel stormed out.


This whole brother-brother relationship continues to sound the least realistic. It also seems to be very strained which I think is what you were going for so that works at least.

“You’ve said that five times so far. Spit the fire already.” Akol was leaning over the table they were both sitting across of. He was leaning so far over, he might as well have been laying down on the table.


One thing: Why has no king before Akol bothered to ask this question before? Why was the kings falling in love with humans never investigated before?

“Your question is tough, but I’ll give you a friends and family discount.” Day sighed. “Five thousand Warcken?”


That's a pretty interesting currency there.

“Alright, so here’s the deal.” The two leaned over the table, arms crossed. “Long ago, there was a royal Devil and ordinary Angel. The Angel fell in love with the Devil. Devil pushed the Angel away because he knew that Angels were wretched and evil - it wasn’t okay to marry Angel. Angel was so upset by this that they cursed the rest of the royal family to only fall in love with Humans - who, at that time, were thought of as lowly.”


Again why is this not more commonly known? Seems like this is a pattern that would easily have been spotted ages ago if this whole curse thing happened a long time ago like this story suggests.

Akol slumped. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Your secret’s safe with me, cousin,” Day said, smiling gleefully at Akol.

“Thanks.” He gratefully smiled back.


And pause: Doesn't this mean he indirectly just admitted his love for Audrey? So does Will die? Oh now I'm really excited for the next chapter.

“I’m sure you’ve got a garden full of leaves.” Day got up and stretched. “You can pick me some, eh?”


So in this world money does grow on trees.

Once he found the cure, he’d make sure never to fall in love again. It was too much to bear.


Another very dramatic ending.

Overall: The plot thickens I guess. This felt a bit like a very short exposition scene so not much happens. And that's about it. Sorry if this review is a bit short but nothing much really did take place here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Lib says...


Aah thanks for the review!



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!!



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Wed Jun 03, 2020 9:47 pm
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Heya! Happy Team Tortoise. A couple specific thoughts before I jump into general ones:

Day - who looked to be in their late teens - smiled. “What’s up?”


It seems like Day just popped out of nowhere (right?). I would love for a little bit more description here just to solidify that idea! Maybe Akol jumps back because Day materializes right in front of him, or something like that. I just think a little more description here could really solidify this action.

At times like this, when a customer was eager for information, Day had to use all their cunningness and wit for bribery. Also, at times like this, the customers usually wanted to punch Day across the face and hang them even though Day was the sweetest.


This part was SO good! I love the "at times like this" repetition, and we also really get a sense of what Day's character is like. Day is certainly an interesting character.

Some more general thoughts:

I'm wondering why Akol asked Day about this? For some reason I thought he already knew his lil crush on Audrey was a curse (or maybe just that when Devils fall in love, they fall in love hard). Overall, I'm not too sure what the purpose of the exchange with Day was because I really thought Akol understood why, he was just annoyed about it. However, I LOVED it because 1) Day seems super cool, and 2) we got a bit more worldbuilding here - the currency seems to be Warcken or "leaves".

Oh- also- is Day actually Akol's cousin, or did they just say that as a friendly term? I think it would be cool either way, just something I'm not 100% sure about.

Overall, this was a really nice chapter. I liked the simplicity of it and how we can see Akol slowly starting to get consumed by his crushy crush for Audrey. His outburst to Askel was really well done - I loved their interaction here. And of course Day is great - I hope we get to see more of them! (I am wondering about their magic - can EVERYONE teleport? Did Day just ... like... hear someone calling for him? I hope we get to see more magic being used down the road!!).

Alrighty, that's it for now! Peace,
~EternalRain




Lib says...


1) Akol didn't know about the curse.
2) Day IS actually Akol's cousin.

Thanks for the review!! =3



EternalRain says...


Ah, thanks for answering my questions!



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Sun May 31, 2020 4:54 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Libery!

Sorry for the delay.
I am glad that we got to see Akol again but I guess he's not in a good shape right now. This revolved on his miserable condition after staying away from Audrey.

His whitish-blonde hair was all over the place, his eyes bloodshot and he had forgotten to shave - which made him look wild.

Rough look! This is evident when a man has a broken heart.

“And I’m the King!” Akol yelled over Askel’s voice. “Don’t forget your limits! Get out, Askel, get the hell out!” He pointed towards the door, his eyes blazing, his face red with anger.

That was very rude. Akol's mind has completely gone crazy. He is losing patience and has developed a very bad temper.

Why was it that Audrey was still in his mind even though she was probably a land away? Why was it that he didn’t have the courage anymore to give speeches to his civilians? Why was it that he kept on losing his temper, his anger? What if he lost himself one day?

Hehe. All are side-effects of falling in love.

At times like this, when a customer was eager for information, Day had to use all their cunningness and wit for bribery. Also, at times like this, the customers usually wanted to punch Day across the face and hang them even though Day was the sweetest.

This made me chuckle. xD Day is a mercenary but funny character. I liked the way he was trying to manipulate Akol with his cunning smile.

“Your secret’s safe with me, cousin,” Day said, smiling gleefully at Akol.

Okay I wasn't knowing they were cousins.

Leaves are used as money here. I want to go to this place with all the leaves from my garden xD

So this curse part came by a surprise for me. I thought Akol's love was true and pure, but it seems it has originated from the curse. Or is he an exception and this is actually love.
So this should also apply to Askel as well I mean they share the same blood. Won't he be showing any love interests. For finding the cure if he seeks the help of the couple, he will have to confess his feelings for Audrey. That will be a very interesting thing to read lol.

Great work!
Keep writing :)

Team aquamarine




Lib says...


Thanks for the review!! <3



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Tue May 19, 2020 2:04 pm
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Mageheart says...



Akol, dummy, there's a solution - fall in love with another human. There! Problem solved. You don't have to dig around for a probably impossible to find cure, and you get someone you can actually be with. :P

All in all, though, I really love this chapter! Day is great. I also now have an image of Akol sitting at a table full of his advisors, but his advisors are all just kids - save for Askel, who's sitting on the other end of the table.




Lib says...


His advisors are actually all kids. xD And thanks for all the comments you dropped! I really love them. c: %uD83D%uDC96



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Sat May 16, 2020 6:04 am
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hello Libs, today’s review is my commentary and a bunch of advice you’re stuck with. Let’s just get into it :)
King Akolxohez was sitting in his room, in the middle of his king-sized bed. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him. His whitish-blonde hair was all over the place, his eyes bloodshot and he had forgotten to shave - which made him look wild.

This… pretty good start.

“You haven’t.”I beg to differ but okay

Each of the three lands - the Wizards’, the Angels’, and the Devils’ - renewed their laws every other year to refresh everyone’s memories in case anyone decided to one day rebel.

Bib new nickname you can explain this so much better, have it come up in conversation, or in parts, or just make it feel like the readers are built in with this knowledge, not that they’re being fed it.

Askel ground his teeth. “I’m your older brother, Akol, don’t forget your limits.” His voice was louder.

This is such a formal way for brothers to talk, even if they’re royalty and adults and fighting I want to see more expression and more laid back ways of communicating. One brings up an embarrassing nickname or incident, or they aren’t so articulate. Are you ReAlLy that articulate in a fight, Libs? Most peeps aren’t.

Why was it that Audrey was still in his mind even though she was probably a land away? Why was it that he didn’t have the courage anymore to give speeches to his civilians? Why was it that he kept on losing his temper, his anger? What if he lost himself one day?

A land away? ‘Cause you’re creeping on a married lady, my dude… It’s complicated, feelings of affection, yes, but this is managing them quite well Libs, good job!

“I have answers.” Day winked. Why does that sound like me when I’m trying to be cool lol


The flowww, ‘tis good so far.

“You’ve said that five times so far. Spit the fire already.” Akol was leaning over the table they were both sitting across of. He was leaning so far over, he might as well have been laying down on the table.

Across of? From? Libs? Don’t make me bring back the spandex man…. I’ll do it.

Day put their open palm on the table. “Gimme some Warcken first,” they said. They gave Akol one of their award-winning - literally - smiles and tilted their head to the side. Their sandy brown hair fell in front of their amber eyes.

Okay, a bit to unpack but we’re not gonna throw the suitcase away.

They? Is this a GN character I smell? Nice! An award-winning smile, dimples, I’m guessing? Double cool. Sandy hair? Awesome. I like Day, and their name is cool.I'm jealous, my dimples make my smile look crooked but they sound so charming on him!

At times like this, when a customer was eager for information, Day had to use all their cunningness and wit for bribery. Also, at times like this, the customers usually wanted to punch Day across the face and hang them even though Day was the sweetest. I read that as cutingness, not cunningness

“You know I failed both researching and history.” Akol snarled. “Tell me now!”

Okay, for a king that’s not ideal. Maybe say he flunked it or sucks, because he seems intelligent and he should have higher standards.

“I don’t know, have you fallen in love?”

Oof, a bit personal but okay.

Akol glared at them. “Get lost,” he said. “You can’t fool me! If I tell you whether I have or haven’t, it won’t matter, you’ll just strut out and announce it to the rest of Pluto!”

Hehe, he might as well just have said, “Yeah.”

“Your secret’s safe with me, cousin,” Day said, smiling gleefully at Akol.

*Gasps* I love ‘They’re Related To Me’ twists and I’ve been guessing them this whole series, HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING? I THOUGHT FRIENDS AND FAMILY AKOL WAS A FRIEND!

Akol scowled. “I swear whenever you start seeming sweet and devilish to me, you always have to shove in leaves. I don’t have any on me right now.”

Did I miss something in the last chapter? Are leaves currency? Can I go there and be a millionaire?

Once he found the cure, he’d make sure never to fall in love again. It was too much to bear.

This is so wholesome and sweet, and my heart is ahhh!



OVERALL:
I liked this, it made me chuckle and feel a bit bad for our poor king, but I have few complaints. Good work, this deserves a cookie!


Jade




P.S. And completely irrelevant. I didn’t want my Tumblr super public because privacy, so I deleted the post since it was too late to change the link and I figured out how it worked, finally. XD you understand, right? But I posted on your wall soo let’s have the world’s longest chat about cookies XP And I won’t delete it




Lib says...


Ahhh thanks so much for the review!! <3
Did I miss something in the last chapter?

NOO you didn't trust me xD

PS: Yeah, I get it, it's okay!



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Gnomish wrote a review...



Alright, so I'm not sure whether this chapter is supposed to be funny, but there are a few lines that made me chuckle.

King Akolxohez was sitting in his room, in the middle of his king-sized bed.

King Akol on his king-sized bed. Love it!

Get out, Askel, get the hell out!

Get the hell out of my room here in hell!

They gave Akol one of their award-winning - literally - smiles and tilted their head to the side.

I'm imagining down in Pluto that they have some sort of contest and Day gets the blue ribbon for "Best Smile!" every year!

I really like this chapter, it might be shorter than the rest but I still think it's a good length, and I love seeing Akol try to work through regular human problems and fail.
-Gnomish




Lib says...


Thanks for the review!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! C:




"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."
— Chuck Palahniuk