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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

A Painter & Writer's Magic [Chapter 13]

by Lib


Last Line(s): “Fine.” Obraya floated - she didn’t float, she was walking, but it looked as if she was floating - towards the three of them. “But hear me out first.”

That caught the travellers’ attention.

Chapter 13

Zoya still wasn’t comfortable with the fact that she was with an Angel. And so were the Painter and Writer and that just made things worse. What made things worse worse was that the Painter and Writer themselves had agreed to listen to what the Angel had to say.

And what she had said, seemed utterly unbelievable.

Audrey, Will and Zoya were behind a couple of trees, a yard away from Obraya, who was wringing her hands nervously an biting her lip.

“Look, she’s an Angel, which is our version of what Humans consider Devils. You guys think Devils are completely untrustworthy, stuck-up, and foolish. They are not. Angels are,” Zoya explained for the umpteenth time.

“We get it, Zoya.” Audrey sighed.

“We just… we think we can trust her. We have a feeling in our gut,” Will told her. “And… Akol told us to trust our gut.” Audrey nodded.

“If Obraya turns out to be a complete fraud, don’t come crying.” Zoya slapped her thighs and stood up, walking out of the tent.

Audrey and Will looked at each other. “Is she our mother now?” Will asked.

Audrey shrugged. “Let’s go.”

***

“You what?” Zoya yelled over the suddenly crackling fire. It was now afternoon. Everyone had decided they’d stop at a clearing, set up tents, and at the same time, listen to Obraya.

“Yeah… After Herschel kicked me outta the kingdom, he made sure I’d never return. I’m sorta stuck down ‘ere with y’all.” The Angel wrung her hands again.

Audrey and Will were frozen, staring at Obraya in shock. “Seriously?” Will’s jaw fell open. Obraya waved her hand it clamped shut.

“Let me get this straight. The leader of the Angels kicked his girlfriend out of his kingdom, because she started talking about a way to defeat the Devils which sounded impossible, but wasn’t impossible, according to you.” Audrey pointed at Obraya. “And now you want to take the Devils’ side, and destroy the Angels, which has never happened in the whole history of Pluto?”

“You got it,” Obraya said.

“What if this is your plan?” Zoya said, narrowing her eyes at the Angel.

Obraya sighed. “I knew you’d say that. If wounds are going to be of any use, then -” She reached down to the hem of her dress and started pulling it up. Audrey slapped her hands over Will’s eyes. Will moved it away reluctantly.

Obraya took off her visiting dress (the ones that they wore back in the days) - she was left in a blouse that didn’t cover much and a short petticoat.

Zoya gasped. There were welts and scars all over her limbs. The Angel turned around stiffly. The sight made Will look away and Audrey put her hand on her mouth. There were bruises and burns - and worse, they all looked fresh. Her feathery wings looked broken as well.

“Goodness, who would do such a thing?” Audrey squeaked.

“Can’t anyone get rid of them for you?” Zoya asked, taking out her wand.

Obraya sighed. “They’re Pains, child, can’t be fixed up.”

Zoya lowered her wand. She reached down towards Obraya’s dress. “This must be hell to wear. Don’t you have anything comfortable?”

“I… I was actually wondering if the lotta y’all could make something for me. I heard about your magic.” She lowered her head slightly, her blondish white hair getting in her face.

“I’ll put your hair up. It’s probably bothering your…” Audrey trailed off, not bothering to finish that sentence.

“And I’ll just cook the food we already made,” Will said.

***

It was evening by the time Obraya had been made fresh clothes, her wounds cleaned to avoid infection, and everyone’s stomach was full. They hadn’t travelled much - the Angel took up most of their time. Zoya was sad to admit it, but she felt bad for the Angel, and wanted to do anything in her power to help.

Everyone was in comfortable clothes, sitting around the campfire, and staring into the crackling fire. Obraya opened her mouth to talk but she decided against it.

“Obraya, do you need anything?” Audrey asked, getting up.

“N-no, I’m good, you s’down,” she said.

Audrey sat back down. Zoya sighed. “How can we trust you?”

“I thought we’d been o’er this.” Obraya looked at the girl.

Will put his head on Audrey’s shoulder. “Stop, Will, I’m thinking.”

“Sorry but I feel sick,” he said, tiredness dripping from his words.

“You’re probably just tired from all the magic,” Zoya said. “If one overuses magic in a day, then they get pretty tired.”

“We didn’t even use much.” Will raised his hand in the air and listed off what they had made. “Three tents, clothes for Obraya and food to feed four.”

“That’s an awful lot,” Obraya said. “I feel bad for bein’ a burden on ye. I’ve done a nurses’ course; I could check if you have a fever or anything. I woulda done everything for me myself but Angels can’t do that sorta stuff.

Will waved her off. “No no, I’m fine. Aud says so.”

He got up, swaying to the side. Zoya pushed him up. “Are you drunk?”

“He doesn’t drink.” Audrey shot Zoya a look.

Will swayed to the other side, towards the fire. Audrey shrieked, and pulled him towards her. She grumbled. “Let’s go. Zoya, clean up this place and go into your tent. And Obraya, your tent is ready. You can go in there when you’re ready.”

Holding Will up, Audrey made her way into the tent that she and her husband were going to share.

She sat him down on his sleeping bag and gave him a glass of water. He gulped it all down. “Audy, you have three heads.” He giggled.

Audrey furrowed her brows. “Are you okay?”

He nodded and giggled again. Audrey massaged her temples. “Today has been hectic. You rest.” Will fell back on the sleeping bag. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was sound asleep. Audrey bit her bottom lip. Something was wrong with Will. Something really wrong. And if it were serious, it would be impossible to get to the Angels’ kingdom and -

“No.” Obraya said, standing in front of Akol again. “I have a job to do.”

“What is it?” Akol hissed and narrowed his eyes at her.

“I have to kill two specific people.” Obraya smiled again, the corner of her eyes crinkling.

Audrey gasped at the sudden memory. It had suddenly flooded her mind, overwhelming her. “Kill two specific people. Kill Will and I. And…” Audrey’s eyes fluttered. “Obraya was going to kill us and she’s sleeping in the tent a few feet over, oh my gosh, WILL!”

Will groaned, turning over onto his side.

“Oh my gosh oh no oh no.”

Just then, the entrance to the tent she was in flapped. “Who’s there?” she called.

“Geez, it’s just me.” Zoya crawled in and sat right next to Audrey. “What happened? Your sweating.”

“It’s Obraya. When we first met her, Akol and the two of us were coming to the palace. And she said she’d kill us.” Audrey looked around, panicked.

“You met that witch before you met me?” Zoya scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“Zoya!” Audrey face palmed. “Stick to the topic.”

“Okay, okay,” Zoya said. “We’ll keep her with us. If she really is evil, and if she really is Herschel’s girlfriend, she’d be very precious to him. We could put her at flail-point if he tries to harm any of us.”

“Y-yeah, okay.”

There was a pause. Will groaned again. Then he grinned.

“Why are you here?” Audrey looked at Zoya, wringing her hands.

“I can’t sleep alone and it’s very dark.” Zoya smiled sheepishly.


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Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:28 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And we continue the race to the top. This one should do it provided that someone else isn't currently writing one.

First Impression: So the angel joins them. I still sense some trickery going on somewhere(like I said earlier I have read far too many books with endless plot twists.)

Well shall we begin then,

Audrey, Will and Zoya were behind a couple of trees, a yard away from Obraya, who was wringing her hands nervously an biting her lip.


One must wonder why it took so long for Will to remember that she attempted to kill them earlier. Also there seems to be a few layers here. I shall get to the bottom somehow.

“Let me get this straight. The leader of the Angels kicked his girlfriend out of his kingdom, because she started talking about a way to defeat the Devils which sounded impossible, but wasn’t impossible, according to you.” Audrey pointed at Obraya. “And now you want to take the Devils’ side, and destroy the Angels, which has never happened in the whole history of Pluto?”


Wait wouldn't this be the story that she told them earlier to get them to trust her? Or did she something else? And what was that?

Obraya sighed. “They’re Pains, child, can’t be fixed up.”


Well that's interesting. I'm assuming the capitalization means this is some kind of type of magic or punishment.

Audrey sat back down. Zoya sighed. “How can we trust you?”

“I thought we’d been o’er this.” Obraya looked at the girl.


Exactly. How many times did they bring that up?

He got up, swaying to the side. Zoya pushed him up. “Are you drunk?”

“He doesn’t drink.” Audrey shot Zoya a look.


Since she would have literally seen all the food that got conjured that seems like a stupid question to ask. Like if Will created something to get drunk on wouldn't she know?

There was a pause. Will groaned again. Then he grinned.

“Why are you here?” Audrey looked at Zoya, wringing her hands.

“I can’t sleep alone and it’s very dark.” Zoya smiled sheepish


Well that was a nice moment.

Overall: Much needed slower pace chapter although we got ourselves another history lesson. This angel character sounds like an interesting addition and her personality is getting there. Not fully developed but still unique enough. And the relationship between Zoya and the other is developing very nicely.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Lib says...


Thanks for reviewing!!



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!!



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Thu Jun 18, 2020 9:20 am
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mythh wrote a review...



Hey Lib, I'm back with another review for you!

Let's begin, shall we?

This was a sweet little plot twist. To be honest, I really didn't buy what Obraya said because of the earlier encounter with her. It was just not convincing enough. Her injuries do make sense in context to something like what she described, but SHE HAS MAGIC, AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HER MAGIC IS! Or am I wrong? It does make some sort of sense though. It's only natural that after being banished, she'd try to prove her plan's worth. So, she attempted to attack them? In the beginning, that is.

The plot's as good as ever - a few nice icings here and some nice and warm sunshine there. Some parts I love are;-

Will groaned, turning over onto his side.

“Oh my gosh oh no oh no.”

Her care is just so... wholesome and realistic. It just satisfies beyond any normal satisfaction you'd get.

“Why are you here?” Audrey looked at Zoya, wringing her hands.

“I can’t sleep alone and it’s very dark.” Zoya smiled sheepishly.

This just serves as a reminder that Zoya's still a kid after all.

These were those warm sunshine effects in your story. Oh boy, I love these.

That's about it.

KEEP WRITING!!!!

Yours sincerely,
Myth <3




Lib says...


Thanks for the review!

I can't believe I didn't see this! >.<



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Sun May 31, 2020 1:53 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Hey hey~!

WOWIE. Good chapter. I love how, when Audrey suddenly remembers the conversation she had with Obraya in the past, it's stirring up fear. It also gets the reader thinking - is Obraya telling the truth? Maybe the "two people" she was talking about aren't Will and Audrey - but someone else? I love the complexity here and the prediction possibilities.

I do have a question - maybe I missed it - when Aud, Akol, and Will met Obraya a while ago, was that before or after she got kicked out of the Angel kingdom? I'm wondering because of the arguably hostile interaction she had with the three of them before, and now she's very kind. Oooh, one other thing, I feel like Zoya/Audrey should have done a little "you sleep, I keep watch" shift because they could have potential-murderer Obraya right... there. I don't include Will in this because he's clearly a little out of it :P

Zoya is too precious, but also so smart! I love that we get to see that in this chapter. Her suggestion of keeping Obraya with them was great, and a great contrast against Audrey's nerves, as well. And her comment about not being able to sleep alone and being a wee-bit afraid of the dark.... awW<3

Something was wrong with Will. Something really wrong. And if it were serious, it would be impossible to get to the Angels’ kingdom


This is spooky! I'm not sure if it's just a comment on Will's current state or if.... he's really not well! I have a feeling it's some foreshadowing of something more serious than post-magic drunkenness, lol, but I guess we'll see! It's great that there's so much up in the air now because it allows for the reader to 1) make predictions and 2) get them hyped to read more!

Peace,
~EternalRain




Lib says...


Thanks for the review!! c:



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Tue May 19, 2020 1:54 pm
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Mageheart says...



I can see this going three ways: Obraya betrays them, Obraya was going to betray them later on but gets attached so she doesn't, or Obraya is telling the truth about everything. Even if she was going to kill Audrey and Will earlier, I feel like she has a good reason for not killing them now - she wants revenge, and they're a great way to get it.

Also, I love Zoya at the end of this chapter!! Her interactions with Will and Audrey were great - especially when she admitted she can't sleep alone, especially in the dark.




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Tue May 12, 2020 7:55 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Liberty!

Sorry for the delay.

I guess you have already received some good reviews, so I will just directly jump into the story.

“Look, she’s an Angel, which is our version of what Humans consider Devils. You guys think Devils are completely untrustworthy, stuck-up, and foolish. They are not. Angels are,” Zoya explained for the umpteenth time.

This was once my misunderstanding in one of my previous reviews but you clarified it, Devils good and Angels bad printed on my mind now. But Obraya can become exception though (fingers crossed). We can't be sure at this point.

“If Obraya turns out to be a complete fraud, don’t come crying.” Zoya slapped her thighs and stood up, walking out of the tent.

I hope she turns out to be trustworthy.

“Let me get this straight. The leader of the Angels kicked his girlfriend out of his kingdom, because she started talking about a way to defeat the Devils which sounded impossible, but wasn’t impossible, according to you.” Audrey pointed at Obraya. “And now you want to take the Devils’ side, and destroy the Angels, which has never happened in the whole history of Pluto?”

That sounds like an awful boyfriend lol. Revenge by an ex, that will be interesting.

She reached down to the hem of her dress and started pulling it up. Audrey slapped her hands over Will’s eyes. Will moved it away reluctantly.

Haha! Again a glimpse of jealousy. As I can recall Will was also mesmerised by Obraya's beauty once before. Already Akol has a crush on Aud, what if Obraya falls for Will or vice versa. OMG!

“I… I was actually wondering if the lotta y’all could make something for me. I heard about your magic.”

Why would she say 'heard' about their magic. She must have seen it while they were preparing that tent in front of her.

He got up, swaying to the side. Zoya pushed him up. “Are you drunk?”

oh no! Is it Obraya? Did she do something with Will, I hope not.

“You met that witch before you met me?” Zoya scrunched up her nose in disgust.

I really like Zoya's dialogues and the expressions with which she delivers them. Good job!

“I can’t sleep alone and it’s very dark.” Zoya smiled sheepishly

Well she's just a child after all. Besides the couple is gonna take good care of her.

After they fall asleep I wonder if they are going to again have some strange dreams. Let's wait to see. I like the fact that as the chapters are progressing you are bringing characters on the screen that are really interesting and a fun to read. After Alkol, it was Ujala and Zoya, now you have introduced Obraya. It will be interesting to see how you will present Obraya in the coming chapters. I hope she's not a traitor who came here deceive them. Can't say what's going on in the creative mind of yours :P

Keep writing and I will continue to review this amazing piece. :)




Lib says...


Ahh thanks for the kind words & the review! :)



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Mon May 11, 2020 5:22 pm
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Gnomish wrote a review...



Hello!

I don't think I reviewed chapter 12 but I am still reading! (Also I'm very impressed with your consistency posting, I haven't posted the next chapter of Soul Cutters for at least a month, I think.)

Firstly, the typos/grammar stuff (If you'd rather I not point ou these things let me know)

And what she had said, seemed utterly unbelievable.

I think this sentence would sound better without the comma.

who was wringing her hands nervously an biting her lip.

I think you mean And.

Zoya slapped her thighs and stood up, walking out of the tent.

Wait, I thought they were behind a couple of trees.

I’m sorta stuck down ‘ere with y’all.” The Angel wrung her hands again.

Wow! I was not expecting Obraya to talk like this! I thought she'd speak all old-fashioned like Zoya.

Obraya waved her hand it clamped shut.

Another typo, you forgot the "And".

Audrey slapped her hands over Will’s eyes. Will moved it away reluctantly.

Haha I love this!

I really like how Obraya came to them, although I still want to know where they're going exactly. I think this should add some exciting "is she evil?" suspense and maybe jealousy with Audrey? (Which would be hilarious because of the Audrey/Akol thing). Anyways, like I said before if you don't want me to talk about the spelling/grammar mistakes please let me know.
-Gnomish




Lib says...


The typos are good - please do point them out! And thanks for the review!!



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Sun May 10, 2020 8:01 am
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hi Libs, me here to annoy you with notifs and puns and such. Since I cannot sleep, I shall get to this review because I apparently don't care enough to give my body something it needs to survive!


Zoya still wasn’t comfortable with the fact that she was with an Angel. And so were the Painter and Writer and that just made things worse. What made things worse worse was that the Painter and Writer themselves had agreed to listen to what the Angel had to say.

Worse worse? That does not seem like the way someone who speaks Old English would think? Also, starting sentences with and disrupts the flow. We don’t want our flow to be as sketchy as a man in an alley with a trench coat, do we?

And what she had said, seemed utterly unbelievable. No ands! This is a 5 star street, not a seedy alley with a man in a trench coat behind a dumpster going “Pssst, kid, want a salt shaker?”

Audrey, Will and Zoya were behind a couple of trees, a yard away from Obraya, who was wringing her hands nervously an biting her lip.

And, love. Not an. I can tell this has been rushed, take your time.

“We just… we think we can trust her. We have a feeling in our gut,” Will told her. “And… Akol told us to trust our gut.” Audrey nodded.

You stare at the alley man, but his salt shaker looks enticing. He opens his coat to reveal a yellow spandex bodysuit and rollerblades I will torture you with some of this every time you say and at the beginning

And again? This is a bad habit, normal people speak this way sometimes, yes, but it ruins this lovely flow.

Audrey and Will looked at each other. “Is she our mother now?” Will asked.

Explain the look. Was it annoyed or fond or excited yet peeved? Tell us more!


“Yeah… After Herschel kicked me outta the kingdom, he made sure I’d never return. I’m sorta stuck down ‘ere with y’all.” The Angel wrung her hands again.

Welp, that caught me off guard!

Audrey and Will were frozen, staring at Obraya in shock. “Seriously?” Will’s jaw fell open. Obraya waved her hand it clamped shut.

Liberty, you do not miss stuff like this, why did you rush? Is this my fault? It clamped shut makes it a run-on.

“Let me get this straight. The leader of the Angels kicked his girlfriend out of his kingdom, because she started talking about a way to defeat the Devils which sounded impossible, but wasn’t impossible, according to you.” Audrey pointed at Obraya. “And now you want to take the Devils’ side, and destroy the Angels, which has never happened in the whole history of Pluto?”

He rollerblades toward you, grunting as he shows you an assortment of handmade macaroni necklaces, adorned with glue. Some handmade magnets saying, “I’d rather be a snake,” were present, and his breath smelled like grass.

Seriously, watch for these repetitive patterns.
Obraya sighed. “I knew you’d say that. If wounds are going to be of any use, then -” She reached down to the hem of her dress and started pulling it up. Audrey slapped her hands over Will’s eyes. Will moved it away reluctantly.

This is taking a turn… I’ll just.. See myself out…. Is it getting hot in here?
It’s late and people in chat keep telling me to sleep. I rebel

Obraya took off her visiting dress (the ones that they wore back in the days) - she was left in a blouse that didn’t cover much and a short petticoat.

This is also a no-no. The parenthesis makes it feel like a kid’s diary entry. You could have worded it:

“Her old style dress,” for example.

Zoya gasped. There were welts and scars all over her limbs. The Angel turned around stiffly. The sight made Will look away and Audrey put her hand on her mouth. There were bruises and burns - and worse, they all looked fresh. Her feathery wings looked broken as well.

Oh no, oh god. Um, you should probably put in a TW for abuse in the beginning. This is not good.

“And I’ll just cook the food we already made,” Will said.

The cloaked, spandexed man licks his chapped lips, smacking them to increase the moistness. He handed you a complimentry lemon scented air freshener, in the shape of his head. “It can double as soap,” he whispered, as you notice his chipped, bitten nails.

WATCH OUT FOR AND!
It’s almost 3 in the am and I’m gonna wake someone up because I wanna laugh so hard

“N-no, I’m good, you s’down,” she said.

Libs, I’m noticing how there is a lot of said and asked. Be more descriptive.

“Sorry but I feel sick,” he said, tiredness dripping from his words.

Don’t worry, just here to congratulate you on the good word choices!

“That’s an awful lot,” Obraya said. “I feel bad for bein’ a burden on ye. I’ve done a nurses’ course; I could check if you have a fever or anything. I woulda done everything for me myself but Angels can’t do that sorta stuff.

I think it would have been better if you described her accent before. ANd I didn’t know training courses were so accessible in hell!

He got up, swaying to the side. Zoya pushed him up. “Are you drunk?”

WIth this magical supply of vodka he carries in his shoe? If she was there from the day he got transported, probably saw what he packed, etc, was there with him all night, why would that be her first guess. Not starvation? Sleep deprived? Etc

But cute joke though, but make them more sturdy!

She sat him down on his sleeping bag and gave him a glass of water. He gulped it all down. “Audy, you have three heads.” He giggled.

Ugh, Will, that was supposed to be a secret!

Audrey gasped at the sudden memory. It had suddenly flooded her mind, overwhelming her. “Kill two specific people. Kill Will and I. And…” Audrey’s eyes fluttered. “Obraya was going to kill us and she’s sleeping in the tent a few feet over, oh my gosh, WILL!”

Okay, great idea, it just could have been executed better.

“Oh my gosh oh no oh no.” So, punctuation doesn’t exist?


“I can’t sleep alone and it’s very dark.” Zoya smiled sheepishly.

Same, here, Zoya!

OVERALL:

I mentioned all my concerns, I really like this series overall! Good work so far. I think, since you didn’t get to see the rest of my story, I should put it below. ShallowHOuse helped a lot, and made me scream with laughter at 3 am so thank them for the help from around the lemon scented thing and onwards!


You eye the spandex and blades, the homemade trinkets did not catch your eyes. “Gimme the blades and dex,” you demand.

“Yes,” he replies and he rips it off and hands his yellow suit to you, and you notice he has on another, brighter suit of spandex underneath. He flourishes it to you, “sorry about the baby powder inside. I stick,” he says as you gladly fork out your money for his shoes and clothes.

Perplexed as to why he wore two suits of yellow spandex, you shoot a question with your eyes. "It's always the spandex," he whispers, looking sadly at his trinkets. "I've never sold one of these ornaments in my life..."


Jade x




Lib says...


I can tell this has been rushed, take your time.

#JadetheGenius
I will torture you with some of this every time you say and at the beginning

Please.
Liberty, you do not miss stuff like this, why did you rush?

Sisters. That should explain it.
ANd I didn%u2019t know training courses were so accessible in hell!

The Angles live in the skies! So the training courses are accessible in the skies! ;w;
So, punctuation doesn%u2019t exist?

Not for Aud. No jk, she's rushing her words.

Thanks for the review!!



LadyBug says...


#JadeIsSoooSmart

Please do or don't? Did you like it?

Makes sense, but I'm the only girl of my siblings XD

Oh yeah, makes sense...

XD Aud rules, so does Zoya



Lib says...


#Ikr

Please do.



LadyBug says...


#IWasBeingSarcastic

XD I shall make it into a masterpiece novel! It's so amazing, feast your eyes




Remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and your mom was your hero? Race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was only a car game. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and good byes only meant tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up.
— Unknown