Young Writers Society

Hi Liberty,

Mailice here with a short review!

It's a little hard to review because it feels like a kind of narrative or advice here. At the beginning I thought we were dealing with a poem.

This advice book has a very interesting structure and I can't criticise anything for that if it's a motivational speech for a friend. I can, however, give a little information about what I liked and what I liked less.

What struck me most positively was the simple language you use to express yourself here. It doesn't read complicated like a paper or an explanation by a professional, but in fact what a friend would say to cheer up another friend and show them where the world is beautiful again. I think it is this directness in particular that makes it possible to find oneself in the text, either as a helper on the one hand or as a victim on the other.

I also liked that you repeated some things to show a point, which quickly crystallised what exactly you wanted to show.

Another thing I didn't notice so positively was the repetition (I hope I'm not contradicting myself here) of "Glue and Tape exists for a reason". I found that after reading the first few paragraphs, it was a bit rough, or let's call it extreme, because - at least to me - it sounded like a "bygones be bygones, everyone has had it and it's not that bad". As I said, that's just my impression and it made the second half feel a bit like a lot of things were suddenly happening superficially.

As I said, on the one hand I really like the simplicity with which you narrate here, but on the other hand I found it a bit extreme with the one point, but that's probably just my view. I still think it's a wonderful way of trying to help someone, while also explaining a little bit how life is supposed to work without being too teacherly.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Andrew here with a review! Like MissGangamash I don't really know how to review this thought piece, but here goes!
Overall your message is nice, and I think some people do need to hear this type of thing, though I do disagree with certain points/the way you communicated them. Also, there are a lot a fair amount of grammatical mistakes and run-on sentences, which makes it feel casual, (almost like your texting me) which is cool - but at the same time, sometimes's it also makes it hard to read.
Into specifics!

People are not worth your time or energy and you are amazing for walking away even though it took you a bit to realize and I am so glad you have learnt to say no because that is beautiful.

Things are supposed to be give and take not give and give or take and take. Either of them can be toxic and mess you up badly which is a big no-no anyway. You've been giving and giving because of your generosity and have been deprived of taking. And now that you've realized it you're building a path for yourself and you are the G.O.A.T for that.

You say you're broken, and that's okay. Glue and tape exists for a reason. Find it and put yourself back together. It's all on you. You can't be depending on people because people are horrible to be honest and they only look out for themselves because that's how the world is. Your target should be you first. If you try to just help other people all the time you won't have time to work on yourself. You might not have enough glue or tape left for yourself.

Hello!

I don't really know how to review this because it's not really styled as a literally piece and rather just a thought. But I will give it a go!

Overall, it feels a little long winded. There are a few points that I liked, like the glue and tape thing, and the turning it a sun thing, but they sort of got bogged down with a load of extra stuff that didn't need to be there. Inspirational points are usually short and snappy. So within this piece, it would be good to have a few stand out quotes that makes the reader sit back and go 'whoa, you're right.' Personally, I didn't find any of those.

'You can't be depending on people because people are horrible to be honest and they only look out for themselves because that's how the world is.' - you make this point, then tell the reader to focus on themselves. I get that they don't mean the exact same thing but having these two points so close together just sounds contradictory - like you're telling the reader to become horrible and selfish like everyone else, because that's how the world is. Which I don't think is your intention.

Hope this helps!