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16+ Language

The Woman in My Bed

by LexxMorgan

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

The woman in my bed

Laying down her head,

And calling herself by my name

Isn't the same

Woman you'll see

And isn't the one I'll be

When the sun rises and sets.

She's never the exact one

She was before, and not

Who she'll be when she's done.

She's always changing

But is always called Alexa.

Feelings and personality alternating

So often that

I can hardly recognize her.

Can you?

You can recall pieces of her.

You can recollect something about her.

But that's not who she was,

Not who she is, or will be.

Like Alice down the rabbit hole,

She can't remember who she is or

Who she's supposed to be.

She improvises who you want

And expect her to be.

New hair, new face, same name.

Who the hell is she?

The woman in the mirror

Calling herself me?

I don't know her, yet

I swear I did once.

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19 Reviews

Points: 1477
Reviews: 19

Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:08 pm
StudentAH says...

Oh man. Wow. This is so philosophical.

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Points: 400
Reviews: 2

Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:02 pm
AsterakiVrochi says...

Really like this poem- It really captures how it feels like to put on a fake persona, whether it be from some inner desire to fit in or due to outsider pressure. I also like how the poem sets up a rhyme scheme but completely falls flat at the last line. The narrator is genuinely questioning her sense of self.

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105 Reviews

Points: 2247
Reviews: 105

Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:13 pm
LZPianoGirl wrote a review...

Hello! I like how personal ad realistic this is. It is very relatable and the way you make it so simple is incredible. My favorite part was the ending, from "Who the hell is she" to "I swear I did once". It really shows how much Alexa has changed and she doesn't know who she used to be. You can see how she changes through the poem, which is great. I think that the line:

Like Alice down the rabbit hole

Was the best single line in the poem. I know it's not in my favorite part, but it is a great metaphor and is very creative. The next two sentences are great too. Your spelling, grammar, and punctuation is wonderful and I hope you keep writing. Merry (early) Christmas!

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1394 Reviews

Points: 76307
Reviews: 1394

Mon Dec 02, 2019 4:33 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...

Good morning!

I love how personal this poem is, and it's so easy to understand what this poem is discussing. You lead the reader through the process of self-identification so well and the out-of-body experience one can have when left to their own devices. It's scary how relatable it is!

The best part is how you can actually see the subject, Alexa, changing over time. The constant questioning of oneself does such a great just depicting the process of that out-of-body experience when you don't quite feel like yourself. You can see the differences from yesterday's self to today, and I think you just do an incredible job with portraying this.

Some of the line breaks felt a little off, so the flow of the poem can be a bit jarring in places. It's possible the site messed with some of your formatting decisions, but regardless, I think it's worth tweaking some of the line breaks and phrasing to ensure the poem flows better from thought to thought. Don't want any sentences pausing where pauses aren't needed, and things like that.

I really like how this poem almost made this more personal to the speaker herself, not keeping it a generic self-reflection poem. In that regard, I almost wish there were more detalis given about this Alexa character, who she once was and why she isn't the same now. I certainly wouldn't add more than needed, but the beauty of poetry is choosing the right word or words to depict that scenario the poem is trying to identify. In fact, there was an awesome reference to Alice in Wonderland, and drawing more metaphors between this scenario and that could be a fun exercise at least.

The way this poem adds in that frustration one can feel is so powerful. It can be frustrating when you simply don't know who you are anymore and don't know what to do about that. I can already see the speaker staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, slamming the counter in frustration at not knowing who she is anymore. Beautiful job portraying this emotion in such a short space!

I simply love this poem's emotion, and the theme you chose for this gives so much opportunity to explore such a familiar scenario. I would definitely consider if this poem wants to remain generic or narrow in on a specific person and scenario. Eventually, perfecting the line breaks and phrasing will help this poem flow much smoother.

Beautiful piece! :D Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

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Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Mon Dec 02, 2019 10:48 am
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alana3 says...

I loved this poem! Especially the rhetorical questions and the use of rhyme at the end of some sentences towards the end. Some constructive criticism: maybe change the pacing of some lines so that there is a more interesting and diverse structure.

Oh yeah. Blame it on the assistants Jack.
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