Published October 13, 2006
Four
Two girls and two boys
Two pairs of friends
Two hates and two loves
Two as one again
Cigarette butts and empty bottles
Thrown around the floor
People leave as couples
Through the missing door
Lying on the couch
With his head between his knees
Looking up with difficulty
She's the only thing he see's
Coming from the bathroom
Two more people holding hands
She's bracing him up right
Because he can no longer stand
The four of them sit down
Staring into each other's eyes
Hiding the fear is hard
But each one of them tries
They pass around their friend
Each taking a turn
Making mouths dry
And their stomach's burn
Looking at the other's
One girls sorrow ends
When I realize till forever
These will be my friends
Two girs and two boys
With two less than two more
Friends for life holding hands
We're crying on the floor.
This is from a true expierence. To this day the other three are still my best friends.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,627 Literary Works • 672,183 Reviews
She's the only thing he see's
Coming from the bathroom
I think you should change that to
... see
Is coming...
Otherwise... wow, this is really ... wow. Beautifullly worded and I'm like... I feel really sad all of a sudden.
The beginning reminded me of that Fort Minor song... I liked that effect. I liked this alot, one of the first rhyming poems I've liked in a long while.
You remind me a lot of an aunt of mine. ^_^ ... which is a good thing.
Very good, great rhyming and rythym.
Well translating your experience to a poem was definately a praisable idea.
I like the rythem of the poem,and it was a bit funny ofcourse.
Liked it,Keep writing.
I really like it. the only thing i would change is
to but that's only in my eyes! also, toagain i really like it! well done