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140,627 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
Hello Lex!
I see this is your first poem over here so I don't want to sound to critical in my review. I liked your poem. Your desire and hopes to visit that other world beyond the sea, to make new friends, to escape the monotonousness of daily life was quite visible.
I'd just like to make a suggestion, try using more of metaphors. They make your poem a delightful read.
Well, as I opened your poem, I was left wondering, why have you isolated the first line? It belongs to the same stanza, if I'm not wrong?
The poem has totally disregarded punctuation. I don't think that's very desirable. A reader is at loss about where to pause and where not to. I would definitely suggest that you work on it.
In poetry, it is always suggestible that you either rhyme it all or not rhyme at all. Of course, this is no rule. I just feel it is always better to read that way.
Well, Lex, there is always scope for improvement even for the best. You have the potential in you. I wish you all the luck. Keep writing, keep improving!
-Anwesha