I loved it, it was good. I like the first part too!!!!!!! I'm not the best critiquer. But I like to look at things from the readers point of veiw and this looks like somethign I would most deffinatly read!!! Keep it coming!!!
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After deciding that the last thing I made for Chapter 2 would be the end of Chapter 1. This is the new Chapter 2.
Asilan woke with a start at a banging at his door. “Asilan, wake up,” his mother called from outside his door, “it’s getting to be noon.” Asilan rolled over onto his back and sat up at the edge of his bed. He stripped off the clothes he wore the night before, leaving them wear they fell and pulled on some new ones.
During the night he had the strangest dream ever. He saw two men in a car outside a town, one was carrying a gun, but he quickly shrugged it off. He picked up his CD player and went down the stairs and was confronted with the smells of meat cooking on the stove. That’s strange, he thought, mom never cooks breakfast.
“Finally your up,” she said, “I thought you’d be asleep the rest of the day.” Asilan sat at the table and his mother set a plate in front of him. He just picked up his fork and started eating without acknowledge the fact that his mother was sitting over his shoulder looking disapprovingly. “It would be polite to say thanks,” she said.
“Thanks,” Asilan grunted spraying food onto the table.
When he finished he got up from the table placed the plate in the sink and shouldered a pack by the door. “And where are you going to?” his mother asked looking him down.
“Away,” he replied and slammed the door behind him.
I couldn't think of a name, so if you got any suggestions let me hear them.
I loved it, it was good. I like the first part too!!!!!!! I'm not the best critiquer. But I like to look at things from the readers point of veiw and this looks like somethign I would most deffinatly read!!! Keep it coming!!!
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