Published November 6, 2007
*I made this my NaNo story. But I ain't reall aiming for the 50k.
The year is 2013, one year after the Nuclear War in 2012. 2012, the year the Aztecs predicted the world would end, seems they were good at what they do. Anyways the Nuclear War started with North Korea when they fired upon America in 2010, then America fired back and by 2012 the who world was in chaos and when the dust settled and the sun finally came out on January 11, 2013 less than a million people were left alive on earth.
Then days after that the weather changed for the worse, seems the radiation damaged the atmosphere and Earth is heating up fast. The few places safe to live now is above the Arctic Circle and Antarctica Animals die off because their climate is changing too fast for them to adapt. But the humans are worse off; whoever didn’t die of the radiation are now dying from starvation or they kill each other. People kill each other over food or tempers flair and they can’t control themselves. This isn’t the worst of it though. When people die, they don’t stay dead for long.
My name is Frederic Basalis, and I am a survivor from Ohio. I lived long from luck only, determination, and the constant rush of adrenaline. Adrenaline, it’s a nice thing to have right now, it saved my life many times over in this horror I’m living daily.
I write this journal so people will know who I am and what I had to do to live. If you are reading this then something has happened to me. I just hope when you read this that Earth is in a better shape than I have lived in it. Please read my story and know of my struggle to live.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,622 Literary Works • 672,631 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...that was kind of a rushed yet very startlingly slow destruction of the world via nuclear apocalypse there. Its a decent way to get us hooked into the story there and get our attention but I don't know if you've gone about things in the best way there. Its a bit too unrealistic to the point where its a bit too difficult to imagine as the time scale is just far too slow and the somewhat monotonous way the whole thing is spelled out isn't helping out a ton either here.
Hmm well this does make things a bit interesting though. Now we're seeing a bit more of some sort of stakes and that hint there right at the end certainly makes you sit up and take notice there. It seems like we've got some serious things going down in this particular world...and in this tone it works a lot better than that opening did.
Okay...well that's an interesting premise there to end on, but I have to say this start doesn't fully work with the idea that this is meant to be some sort of journal. The way thoughts are written down in those are usually quite a bit different to what we have going on here, and this doesn't quite work out as well as it should here. I think maybe you need to rethink the style here. The premise is solid enough and there's some good potential, but it doesn't all come together as well as it could just yet.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ugh.
This is an info-dump and it isn't in a journal format. A journal format is simple: it describes what events occur on a daily basis. So, the timing of the journal story is so much more important.
Consider the amount of information your main character has. Would he know what is going on in other parts of the world? Or the amount of survivors? What about the events leading up to it?
This doesn't make much sense.
Here is what I think. If you are committed to writing a journal style story, I highly recommend the book "Absolutely Normal Chaos" by Sharon Creech. It is the best journal (or in that case, diary) style I've read. Otherwise, you should change the format to something you are more comfortable with.
What can I say? I liked it a lot! I've been wanting to write about the end of the world for some time now but I've been at a lost for words for months. And a liked the fact that it was a journal narrative. The only thing is that it seems like your heading in a Resident Evil direction.
Hey Ash.
I really like the style you're going with on this. *And no werewolves for once! I'm impressed!* I love reading journal type things because then you really feel like you get all that the character is thinking and you get the feeling it's a real person, and you're reading their real words.
I think you need to work on telling a bit more. It was understandable, but some parts were hard to get the whole on what was happening. It seems a bit rushed, so maybe you can draw it out and make it a bit easier to read. I had a difficult time getting myself to read it. It's the prologue so I understand it's hard to make interesting, and I'm sure the story will be great.
Good luck, and tell me when you post more up, I'll read it.
Love,
Lindsay