Young Writers Society

Hello , it's Shia here with a short review!
Hope you are having a good day!
Things I liked :1) the rhythm of the poem is really good. As someone who loves to read poems which have rhythm instead of blank verses I was deeply interested.
2) I truly liked the themes of the poem. The themes being a continuous flow gives the poem a good feel. The first parts coaxes the one behind the door to open up and let the poet in. The second part shows the bitter rejection and the poet's heartbroken response. Both emotions were held out very beautifully. Good job
Things needed to be worked on:
1) the title... Although the themes of the poem is eye catching but the title is somewhat not very eye catching. This can be a problem as many people read the title and if they find it interesting then they read the whole thing. It would be great if you come up with a catchy title which gives ideas on the main theme of the poem
2) a bit of background about whom the poem revolves on would be great for better understanding of the poem.
Overall the poem is really really nice. Keep up the great work👍

Part 1:
In the first part of your poem, you create an atmosphere of longing and vulnerability. The speaker expresses a desire to connect with someone, knocking gently at their "locked door." The imagery of softness and tenderness in "Your skin so tender" conveys a sense of intimacy and admiration. The word "reciprocacity" appears to be a creative blend of "reciprocity" and "capacity," emphasizing the desire for an authentic and mutual connection. The reference to a "true blessing from beings above" suggests a sense of reverence or spiritual connection.

Part 2:
The second part of your poem continues the theme of longing and desire but takes a somewhat more somber turn. The speaker's persistence seems to meet with rejection, and their heart is "shattered." The repetition of "Hello, it's me" suggests an ongoing attempt to connect or communicate with someone who remains distant or closed off. The line "Praying vehemently, desperately, 'Break not, my dear heart'" reflects a sense of vulnerability and fear of further emotional pain.

Overall, your poem effectively conveys a sense of emotional depth and longing. It explores themes of desire, vulnerability, and the complexities of human connection. However, here are some points you may consider for improvement:

Consistency of Theme: The two parts of the poem have slightly different emotional tones. Consider whether you want to maintain this contrast or if you'd like to create a more seamless transition between them.

Imagery: The poem uses imagery effectively, especially in the first part. Consider incorporating more sensory details and vivid imagery to enhance the reader's emotional connection.

Structure: You may want to experiment with the poem's structure, such as line breaks and stanza divisions, to create a more visually appealing layout and enhance the overall flow.

Grammar and Word Choice: Review the poem for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, and ensure that word choices align with the intended tone and emotion.

Consistency in Style: The poem blends modern language with more traditional and poetic language ("reciprocacity," "beings above"). Make sure the stylistic choices align with the overall tone you wish to convey.

Narrative Clarity: Consider if you want to provide more context or narrative clarity to help readers understand the relationship and circumstances between the speaker and the person they are addressing.